


Come morning light.

by Lorirose



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Family, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-28 00:16:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 74,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14437317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lorirose/pseuds/Lorirose
Summary: Robert has never been entirely honest about the decade he spent in exile. He carries a secret within him that he'd rather take to his grave. But the past has a way of being unearthed and an old nightmare has rolled into the village. Can Aaron remind him that he's not alone anymore?





	1. Don't you dare look out the window.

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after Aaron has been to jail. But Robert never cheated and Seb doesn't exist.

Come morning light.

Robert Sugden.

_A kick._

_"Pathetic. Get up,"_

 

_A laugh._

_"I thought you were better than this,"_

_"Look at the great Robert Sugden on his knees. He was right, you are a waste of space,"_

_"I'm sorry. Don't go. I can be better,"_

_"No one's coming for you. You're alone. Forgotten,"_

_"Unloved,"_

                                                                                                                        _"Unwanted,"_

 

I bolted awake with a racing heart and a scream on my lips. Phantom bruises ached across my chest and abdomen, a touch that I could never escape from. In the gloom stared around the bedroom we had built, the chest of drawers Aaron was so proud of, the curtains I hated and the soft blankets Chas had given us. I let the weight of Aaron's arm over my stomach ground me to reality. The callouses on his hands chased away the ache left by the ones that had only every hurt me. He snuffled in his sleep, eyelids flickering as he dreamed, I prayed they were happy ones. I hoped he was dreaming about me. I shuffled down underneath the bed sheets, dragging them up underneath my chin and peering at Aaron in the light from the moon. Just seeing him made the nightmares loosen their grip and return to their dusty box in my head. Usually that box was under lock and key and buried beneath a million other memories but for the first time in years, it had been opened. A car rumbled through the village and my stomach churned, my blood turning to ice. I held my breath as the sound of the engine faded into the night but even then I felt unsettled. Unsafe. I untangled myself from Aaron with a practised ease and tiptoed down the corridor to Liv's room. She lay spread eagle on her back, one foot hanging off the edge and her chest rising and falling gently. I eased across her room, taking great care not to tread on anything valuable and checked her window. Sometime during the night, she had opened the window to try and fend of the unseasonable warmth but just seeing it unlatched set off alarms in me. I closed it softly and locked it. The anxiousness bubbling in my gut wasn't satisfied but I felt a tiny bit better. Once I was safely away from my sleeping family, I dashed down the stairs as quietly as I could and checked the front door. I knew it was locked before I even tried it. Aaron could be paranoid when it came to our safety and I had stood behind him talking as he locked the house up. But I had to be sure. They had to be safe.

One. Turn the key.

                         Two. Put on the latch.

                                                             Three. Don't forget the chain. 

Repeat. 

 

Satisfied, I turned to the windows and the back door to repeat my ritual. No one was coming in. I let out a long breath and sagged against the sofa. My hands trembled as I shoved them between my thighs and tried to banish the sudden fear that had seized hold of me. Logically, I knew that there was nothing wrong. That  _he_ couldn't find me, didn't even know where I lived but I couldn't shake it. I didn't know how to. 

"Rob?"

I jumped and snapped around. Aaron stood sleepy and soft at the foot of the stairs, his jogging bottoms rucked up around one calf and his hair a mess of curls. This was my husband. The man who saved me every day without knowing it, by simply existing. He closed the distance between us and the concern on my face almost brought tears to my eyes. He loved me. I had earned him. He touched my face softly and quirked his lips. 

"I didn't mean to wake you," I said, "I was just coming back to bed,"

"Hmm. What happened?"

Bashfully, I glanced at my toes and shrugged one shoulder, "I had a nightmare. Couldn't sleep,"

Aaron thumped the back of his hand against my chest just enough to sting, "You're supposed to wake me when you have nightmares. That was the deal, remember?"

It was the deal I had made for him. It didn't matter how small or strange the nightmares were, he had to wake me. Nothing was worse than knowing he was suffering and I had slept through it. Some nights, he couldn't bare to be touched, Gordon was to close to the surface to allow that. So we talked and laughed and planned a future that I believed in a little more each day. It always knocked me off balance whenever Aaron used it against me.

I nodded, "I know but you've been working so hard lately and you need your sleep. I'm OK,"

He pressed an opened mouth kiss to the corner of my lip, "Idiot. You're more important. Come back to bed?"

I glanced around the room once more, ticking off all the doors and making sure that there were no windows I had overlooked. Aaron waited patiently, choosing instead to thread his fingers through mine and squeeze in comfort. 

"OK,"

Aaron's gentle and loving touch chased away the monsters I could feel snapping at my heels as he pulled me into the soft light of our bedroom and shut the door behind us. He settled down in bed and held out his arm to me, a secret smile that belonged only to me played across his lips. I clambered into the warm sheets and tucked myself beneath Aaron's chin. Strong arms folded around me and held me a little bit tighter. I stretched up and kissed the underside of his jaw.

"Just sleep now, Rob. You're safe. I've got you,"

And I believed him.

................................................................................................................................

 

"You don't have to do this, Aaron. I promise I'm fine,"

Aaron just rolled his eyes and placed a plate of his famous fry up on the table in front of me. After that came a cup of tea and the paper that had survived intact for once. It still had the sports section and the cartoons in it. There had been a strange shadow on Aaron's face when I had woken up this morning. His kiss had been a little more tender and he held on a touch to tight. I wasn't entirely sure what had happened after my nightmare but something had kept him up. He had looked rested yesterday but now there was a tiredness to him that worried me. I grabbed his wrist as he turned back to the kettle and tugged until he looked at me. 

"Has something happened?"

"No. Why would you think that?"

You don't seem yourself. Are you all right?"

"Of course I am. Just think about how busy today is going to be. I wish I had it off with you,"

I scrunched up my nose and studied him. It was a complaint he had said a hundred times before. I relaxed my grip and turned to my food instead. Aaron took his place next to me at the table. I savoured the taste of the breakfast I usually only got on special occasions. 

"How are you?" 

Swallowing my mouthful of sausage, I grinned widely, "Fine. This is really good,"

"I'm gonna ban you from saying that word. It doesn't mean what you think it does,"

"What word?"

"Fine,"

"But I am. What would you rather I say? Good?"

He gnawed on a piece of bacon ferociously and waved his knife at me. "I'd take that over the other word every day. But seriously, you sure you're OK?"

Touched by his concern, I brushed my hand against his and felt that jolt of joy as I nudged his wedding ring. Aaron turned his hand over in mine and squeezed. I never had learnt that Aaron offered me his love without strings attached. All he asked was for me to love him. He thought I was enough for him. He accepted me for who I was and forgave me for the man I had been. I raised his hand to my lips and kissed his knuckles. 

"Yeah. I love you,"

The blush that I adored coloured his cheeks and the tips of his ears, "You too,"

Taking pity on my embarrassed husband, I dropped his hand and let him eat. Liv stumbled down the stairs, half asleep and with her uniform wonky and walked up to steal the last sausage from my plate. I batted her away, gasping in mocked outrage but secretly loving the glee that lit up her face. Aaron watched her with a fondness that made his hard edges soften and it took my breath away. Liv lent against my side and chewed loudly in my ear. I smacked her ponytail gently and caused her to dance away, giggling. Depositing my plate in the sink, I handed Liv her lunch and a few pounds for her inevitable pit stop at the store. 

"Go or you'll be late," I ordered. "Aaron's too busy to give you a lift and I don't want to. Text when you're leaving school and when you get there,"

She stuck her tongue out at me and slopped over to the door. I heard her struggle with the bolts and chains on the door and kept my eyes locked on the plate that I was scrubbing. Aaron had to get up and unlock the door for her and I heard them whisper under their breath before Liv was gone. Aaron's arms wrapped around my waist and he pressed his nose to the back of my neck. I let my head tip back to his shoulder.

"I wish you'd tell me what really upset you. You're still too tense,"

"It was just a dream. It can't hurt me, I know that,"

"It doesn't make them any less frightening,"

"I know,"

Aaron sighed and turned me around in his arms. He had shadows in his eyes that I chased away with a lingering kiss. It wouldn't expel them forever but it might lessen the hold they had on his mind. One day, Aaron would be free from Gordon's reach. One day, the memories wouldn't hurt so much. I straightened the collar of his coat and brushed out a wrinkle on his shirt. Aaron caught my restless hands.

"You'd tell me if it was anything serious?"

"I'd be stupid not too. You should go. Adam will kill me if you're late again,"

He checked his watch and grumbled, swallowing the last of his coffee and dragging me into a toe curling kiss. Before I could even recover, he was out the door and locking it behind him. I checked the post that had been dumped on the counter and tossed a few leaflets into the bin and stacked the bills on the top of the 'to do' pile. A letter with my name written in stunning calligraphy was the only thing left. It had no return address and I didn't recognise the handwriting but I ripped it open anyway. A generic card with 'thinking of you' printed in baby pink stared back at me. An uneasy lump settled in my gut as I scrounged up the courage to open it.

**I missed you, Bobby. Tyler x**

Time froze.

After all these years. How did he find me? Was he here? Was he watching? Did he know about Aaron? 

                                         I wasn't safe. 

Reality rushed back with enough force to send me reeling backward. The card fell from my trembling hands and tumbled gracefully to the floor. I kicked it away and backed into the counter. I knew I had to tell someone, that I needed help. It had almost come to late for me last time and I was determined not to make the same mistake again. But if I spoke up then I would be admitting to my friends, to Aaron things that I could barely think about. They would know my shame and torment. The situation my naivety had led me into. The one I almost hadn't survived. What would they think of me? Would they help me or send me away? I threw the card into the fireplace and watched gleefully as it burned. Tyler wouldn't win this time.

.......................................................................................

 

Despite my intentions, I ended up at the Woolpack surrounded by people and noise. Maybe I couldn't trust the Dingle's to have my back completely yet but for Aaron they'd keep me safe. Cain's forehead furrowed as I chose the empty bar stool beside him and ordered a pint from Chas. I couldn't look at either of them. They both had a way of knowing when I was twisting the truth. I traced the droplets on the glass instead and tensed every time the door opened. 

"What's up with you, Sugden?" Cain grunted. 

I didn't raise my head, "Nothing," 

"You used to be a better lair," 

I flinched, "'m not lying,"

Cain snorted unattractively and I scowled. Cain and I would never be friends, we were civil only for Aaron's sake but I did respect the man. If it came to a physical fight, I wanted Cain in my corner. I could take a punch but he could throw one. I sensed Chas' eyes burning the top of my head until I caved and glanced up at my mother-in-law. I saw Aaron's spirit and heart in her and it was to much. My gaze darted rebelliously away before she could look any deeper but she caught my chin and turned my head back to her. 

"Watch the bar, Charity. Robert, with me,"

Charity cackled and Cain gave me a not so subtle shove off my stool until I had no choice but to follow Chas into the back room. Once we reached the living room, Chas turned to me and pinned me with a glare that scared me. Feeling far to much like a disobedient child, I scuffed my shoes across the floor and jammed my hands into my pockets. Chas stepped into my space and placed a soft hand on my arm. I startled.

"What's going on, Rob?" She said. 

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine,"

"Uh-huh. Try again,"

I shrugged, "Bad night,"

Chas sighed and she sounded so disappointed in me that I flinched away. But she caught me and dragged me back to her. That familiar but foreign feeling of anxiety started to build up in my chest. The same flight or fight reaction that had saved me countless times before. My muscles tensed and I risked a glance toward the door. Chas anticipated and stroked my arm comfortingly. The action confused me and brought me up short. I couldn't stop myself from looking at her. She wasn't even trying to hide her concern. I couldn't understand. Chas didn't like me. Most of the time, she couldn't even stand me. She'd be so angry at me once that she'd walked out of her pub. Why would she be worried about me? 

I was the man who had broken her son's heart. 

I didn't resist as she took my hand in hers, "I know that we haven't had an easy relationship, Robert. We've both brought out the worst in each other. But over the last year, I've come to see a different side to you and to be honest, I like that man. Something's wrong. I know that it's not Aaron or Liv, so it's you. What is it?"

It would have been so easy to open my mouth and tell her. To have my fears spill out and ask her to protect me. I could tell her everything Tyler did to me and she could shelter me like she had done when Aaron came clean. She could offer me hot chocolate and a hand made quilt to fend away the chill of the past. But no matter how much I wanted it, Chas wasn't my Mum and she only cared because of Aaron. So, I gave her my most charming smile and pulled myself away from her hold even though I longed to be held. 

"I'm really OK, Chas. Thanks for your concern though, means a lot,"

She let me go but we both knew that a single word would stop me in my tracks. She studied me in a way that I wasn't used to and I knew that she hadn't brought anything I had said. I span on my heel and started to walk away with much more confidence than I had. 

"I'll let it go for now but I mean it when I say you're family. It wouldn't hurt you to be part of it, Robert. It might even be good for you,"

But she would never understand. Every single second around them hurt. Because I was only a temporary member. I was entirely dependent on Aaron's love. Once it was gone, so was Chas and Liv. Chas brushed her hand through my hair as she left the room. She had no idea how much I wanted to call her back.

...........................................................................................

 

Cain offered me a fresh pint as I reclaimed my place and turned slightly so that I could see the door. By now it was nearing midday and the lunch time rush had descended on the pub. Both Chas and Charity rushed around behind the bar, one of them placed a packet of cheese and onion crisps down in front of me. It felt like pity and I shoved them away but Chas walked by and pushed them closer. Her quirked eyebrow was one I had seen her use around Aaron and it usually meant that he was worrying her. I doubted that it meant the same thing but I smiled my thanks. I watched the world go by as I tried to come up with a plan. It was entirely possible that Tyler's card was a one off. A last chance to rattle me. He had always loved to see me scared. And what if it wasn't? What would I do if he had come back? Should I confront him and make him see that I wasn't the frightened teenager I had been? I had a strength now that was new. I hoped I could be brave enough to stand my ground. 

"I was thinkin' that you three could come round for Sunday lunch," Chas said. 

I pursed my lips, "Why don't you come to ours? Aaron would love a family gathering, might as well make it a big one,"

"Does the invite extend to me?" Cain asked. 

I rolled my eyes and sipped my drink, "I'd be stupid to say no. Sure, the more the merrier or something along those lines,"

Cain whacked my back and I nearly chocked on my beer. 

"He's learning," Cain grinned.

"Mm, not quick enough," Chas commented. 

Fighting against the urge to cower from her words, I met her challenge with one of my own. For once, I wanted her to prove that she was worthy of being my family. That she had to earn my love just as much as I did hers. And I think she accepted it. With a groan, I dropped my head to the bar. 

"Chas, you confuse me so much,"

They laughed and someone patted my head.

"And you are a mysterious enigma. Well, you like to think you are anyway,"

I snorted into the table. A comfortable weight settled on the back of my neck and I turned my head to meet Aaron's loving gaze. He had a smear of oil across his cheek and a streak of mud on his forehead but he had never looked more stunning. I rubbed the oil but only succeeded in smearing it. He disregarded the marks for the moment and titled my head up to kiss me. He smelt of engine oil and tasted of coffee. I broke the kiss early and shuffled forward so that I could press my forehead to his collarbone. His arms came up around me instantly and he adjusted me so that he could stand between my thighs. Chas would see my uncharacteristic display of affection for the unease that it was. I just moved so that I couldn't see her. If Aaron was uncomfortable with my embrace then he didn't show it.

"You know," He said into my ear. 

I smiled, "I know,"

Aaron excused himself to go clean up and grab a spare shirt. I watched him disappear and turned back to my drink. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of red hair and green eyes.

I forgot how to breathe. I couldn't think. All I could do was stare, paralysed in my body as the man turned to face me. Cain's eyes widened as I ducked behind him. 

Tyler Chase had come home.

 

 

 


	2. The devil I keep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's strength is fading and Aaron digs a little deeper.

Come morning light.

Robert Sugden. 

The devil I keep.

 

_It was him._

_My own personal demon._

_Back from the other side of the world._

_Please, Aaron. Help me._

I couldn't look away from Tyler. He hadn't changed since the last time I had seen him. He oozed a confidence that I only pretended I had. The charm and looks that had first attracted me to him hurt to see. Because now I knew better, now I'd seen the beast. I kept Cain between us, using his body to block Tyler's view. Thankfully, Cain sensed my swirling emotions and didn't move, his eyes narrowed. I wanted to run. To escape before Tyler saw me but I couldn't. The second I moved, Tyler would be on me.

"Haven't seen you around here before," Chas commented.

To my absolute horror, I realised that she was talking to Tyler. She leant back against the wall, arms crossed over her chest and her face guarded and calculating. My hand clenched around the pint glass until my knuckles turned white. Chas was standing to close to Tyler, she didn't know what he was like. He would hurt her. She'd never stand a chance.

Tyler answered in the same deep rich voice. I trembled, "I used to live here. I'm just visiting,"

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Sorry, uh, Chas right? I have somewhere to be,"

He slammed back the last of his beer and swaggered out of the door. I spun around in my seat to make sure he left and the closing door was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. I dashed over to the window and watched Tyler move down the street and out of sight. My mouth was dry and my heart was in my throat. He was just visiting? Did that mean he was going to be around for a while? How long had he been here for? I chewed the skin of my thumb and turned around to find all eyes of the Dingle clan locked on me. I flushed and peered down at my feet. Aaron's footsteps were soft across the floor as he approached me. He pulled my hand away from my mouth and rubbed my palm. I looked down at him through my eyelashes. He frowned and sat me down at an empty table.

"You're shaking. Rob, what happened?"

I swallowed hard, "Nothing,"

Aaron flicked my nose playfully, "Don't lie to me. What happened?"

I stared into those honest, loving eyes and wished I had the words to say. Aaron deserved to know. Just having Tyler in the village put him in danger. I opened my mouth but the words got stuck in my throat. Aaron shuffled forward until our knees touched. I dropped my head to my hand and groaned. Aaron brushed his hand through my hair and across the back of my neck.

"...Aaron...I...,"

"Look at me," I did on the second try, "We made vows to each other, Rob. To always be truthful. Please, please, tell me,"

How could I? I could barely admit what had happened to myself. I had dealt with the nightmares and the flashbacks alone for years. I didn't know how to lower my guard and let Aaron inside. I should have done. Isn't that what marriage was about? Being a team?

"It's nothing, I thought I saw someone I knew. I was wrong,"

"Really?"

Aaron's eyebrow nearly disappeared into his hair. Two tables away, Chas gave up on the pretence of giving us privacy and rolled her eyes. I thought I saw Cain shake his head at me. Suddenly furious, I pushed away from the table and stood. Aaron rose with me, hands palm up like I was a spooked animal. I sneered at him and he flinched. Fury twisted into guilt and the wounded look on his beautiful face. I stroked his beard and eased his lip from between his teeth. I knew I was forgiven when Aaron lent into my touch and smiled so sweetly.

"This won't make any sense to you but I need you to let me handle this. Everything will be OK, you just have to trust me,"

"I trust you with my life, Rob but I'm not sure I can trust you with yours,"

I pressed our foreheads together, "I'm a reckless idiot, I know. Please, do this for me,"

"Is it illegal?"

"No,"

"Are you in trouble?"

To protect Aaron, I would do anything. Even damn myself to hell. I unabashedly lied to him.

"Of course not," I twisted my wrist to look at my watch, "You need to go back to work. I'm going to go home and catch up on some paperwork,"

I kissed him, slow and sweet, pouring everything I couldn't say into it. I'm sorry. Forgive me. I'm scared. I love you. When we broke apart he only looked bewildered. I walked him back to his car, my hand protectively in the small of his back. Look at me, Tyler. I'm a survivor.

...........................................................................................................

As much as I wanted too, I didn't seek out Tyler. Instead, I stuck to my word and walked home, glancing over my shoulder every other step. There seemed to be no point in hiding, though. Tyler knew I was here. He had found my home. It would only be a matter of time until he came to me. I was the one that got away. Loose ends only infuriated him. He wouldn't be able to resist. I paused on the doorstep, staring down at the step in disbelief. A red rose had been propped up against the door, it looked so innocent but it sent chills down my spine. Only one person would buy me flowers and it wasn't Aaron. I tore open the card and couldn't hold back my gasp.

**Happy anniversary. X**

I hadn't even realised the date. It was one I had tried to forget at all costs. I ripped the card into tiny pieces and scattered them to the wind and ground the petals beneath my heel. Tyler would not get into my head again.

He wouldn't beat me.

...........................................................................................................

"New rules; I want everyone to check in every three hours. A call, a text, I don't care, just do it. Be home by 9 o'clock every evening and no one goes out at night alone. Agreed?"

Liv and Aaron gave me identical blank stares over their plates. Perhaps, I shouldn't have sprung it on them so suddenly but I couldn't keep it in. Tyler was breathing down our necks and they didn't know. I could only protect them if I knew where they were. Aaron lowered his fork and reached out across the table like he wanted to touch me but something made him stop. Liv just glared at me like I had dealt her the ultimate insult.

"Every three hours? I don't understand, why would you want that?" Aaron said.

“Don’t ask questions I can’t answer, Aaron. Please, I don’t ask for much,”

I could already see that they were going to refuse me. Liv cherished her freedom and for reasons I understood, Aaron hated to be dictated to.

"You've finally lost it," Liv snapped. "I'm at school most days. How am I supposed to call you?"

I pointed my knife at her, "I got a call from your teacher last week because you were texting in class. Don't you dare act innocent with me, Liv,"

"Now they're watching me even closer. Besides, I don't want to talk to you anymore than I do,"

It hurt more than it should have done to hear her say that. Why would anyone want to talk to you? God, if I didn’t have to I wouldn’t. It wasn’t like that. Liv’s passionate teenage pride had been stepped on and she was rebelling. But her words struck a wound inside me, the fear that I wasn’t really wanted. That they were humouring me and at any moment they would send me away. Aaron tugged my glass from my hand before I could shatter it.

“I wasn’t asking, Liv,” I snapped.

Aaron jumped as Liv threw her cutlery down and stormed up the stairs. Her door slammed shut with enough force to make the ceiling shake. I stood and grabbed my plate, throwing it into the sink and listening to it clank. I couldn’t keep them safe if they argued with me. I didn’t want to fight, I needed them on my side. If I had to face Tyler alone I would lose. A wave of terror washed through me and I had to clutch the counter to remain standing. My knees shook and my palms were sweaty. Furious and humiliated tears sprung to my eyes and I quickly tried to shove them away. But they were persistent and a sob strained against my chest.

“You can’t ask us to do things without talking to us, Rob. It isn’t fair,” Aaron said softly.

I scrunched my eyes up and nodded, the weight of everything dragging my shoulders down. It would have been so easy to be the coward Tyler had always said I was. He had drilled the weakness out of me. I honestly couldn’t remember how to ask for help. Aaron ghosted his hand across my back but I couldn’t look at him. A kiss was pressed to the back of my neck and it nearly undid me.

“We love you. No matter what. When you’re ready to talk I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,”

He said that now, while he was still blissfully ignorant of those years. While he didn’t know what I had let myself become. But the second he knew, he’d be out the door. Everything I had achieved would be for nothing. I’d lose everything again. I would not be forced out of the village for a second time. Aaron sighed, his breath hot across my skin and pulled away. The second he was gone, I felt Tyler’s eyes on me and his burning touch. I spun around in time to see Aaron disappear up the stairs and was following him before I realised I was moving. I knew he would go to Liv to try and calm her. Sure, enough as I entered the landing, Liv’s bedroom door was closing. I crept down the hall, avoiding the squeaking floorboard and pressed my ear against the door.

“What is up with him? He’s been weird for days now,” Liv grumbled, “It’s insane,”

The bed groaned as Aaron sat down, “I know it seems unfair, Liv but I need you to just go with it. Robert needs you to do this,”

Liv sniffed, “Why? He’s never cared where I was before,”

“That’s not true. Rob loves you. Something’s happened that’s made him like this. We need to support him, no matter how neurotic he gets, ok?”

“Is he ok?”

The concern in Liv’s voice almost brought me to my knees. I jammed my fist into my mouth and staggered down the hall to the bedroom. Horribly unsure and frightened, I hovered in the centre of the room and peered around at the memories. Our wedding photograph, holiday snaps and random yet loving gifts. Everything Tyler had promised me I’d never have because I didn’t deserve it. For so long, I believed him and a part of me probably always would. How could a man like me deserve this? A home and a family.

_You’re nothing. No one will ever love you like I do._

I know. But isn’t that a good thing?

…………………………………………………….

_Darkness._

_Falling._

_Down._

_Down._

_Forever._

_Why didn’t you come?_

_Why won’t you save me?_

_…. hurts…. I can’t breathe…._

_Did you stop loving me?_

_Please don’t leave me._

_Husband?_

_Aaron_

. …………………………………………………………… “

ROBERT! WAKE UP!”

I crashed to the floor with a jarring force that forced me back into reality. Blankly, I stared up at the ceiling and tried to catch my scattered breaths. The back of my head throbbed in time with my pulse and my cheeks were wet with tears. I couldn’t deny it anymore, Tyler had gotten beneath my skin again. All the progress I had made was gone. He ruined everything.

My life. My ability to trust. My will to love.

Aaron crouched next to me, his face pale and eyes wide. I didn’t doubt his love but I knew now that Aaron couldn’t help me. I covered my face with my hands and sobbed. I wept for my stolen youth, my broken heart and for the innocence that had been ruined. For the abandoned boy I could never leave behind. He was me and I was him.

“I’m such a fraud,” I whispered through the mucus in my mouth, “You should leave me,”

“Not a chance. I told you, we’re forever. You’re breaking my heart, Rob. Just tell me, please. Let me in for once,”

I swallowed and rolled over until my face was pressed against Aaron’s thigh. His gentle fingers brushed through my hair and stroked the skin behind my ear. I scrabbled for his leg, daring to believe that Aaron could keep me tethered to earth. I felt a million miles away, orbiting the earth and screaming at the top of my lungs even though no one could hear me.

“I don’t…you won’t want me anymore,”

“Impossible, I’ll always want you. Even when you’re old and grey,”

My laugh was wet and congested, Aaron’s other hand came to grasp mine. I curled closer to him as if he could protect me. I heard a chocked whimper and brave the gloom to peer up at him. His eyes were swimming in tears and bloodshot. He had almost torn his lip to pieces. I had never seen him look so scared. Not even Gordon had made him look like this. Bewildered, all I could do was stare at him. Aaron stroked my cheek and gave me a small, sad smile.

“Don’t cry, Aaron,”

The tears still fell and I couldn’t stroke them away fast enough.

“Baby, please, please talk to me. I’ll fix it. I swear. I’ll do anything. You don’t have to be afraid. I’m here. I’ve got you,”

He pulled me to him until I was cradled against his chest like I was something precious. I nuzzled against his scruff and took comfort from the strength in his arms. I clutched at the fabric of his shirt, straining it almost out of shape.

“You’ll keep me? I can stay?”

“Always,” He murmured against my forehead, “Always,”

God, I wanted to run. To pretend that this never happened. But the ghosts would follow me to the ends of the earth and I was so tired. I slumped against Aaron and let him support me. I opened my heart and showed him the chaotic tragic mess that I had become. He gasped.

“He hurt me,” I breathed.


	3. The shards of yesterday.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A part of Robert's past is revealed and Aaron worries.

Come morning light.

The shards of yesterday. 

 Aaron Dingle.

 

I've been afraid countless times in my life.

Abandoned with a monster. My hand forced to end another's life. Trapped in a dark watery grave. Watching the love of my life fight to survive. I knew the soul crushing chill all to well, for so long it had been a part of me. Wound into the very fabric of my being. But nothing was more frightening that the fragility and the dissociation in Robert's voice.

"He hurt me,"

Robert had gone limp against me, like he didn't have the strength to hold himself upright anymore. A few words had taken away the formidable wall that had always been around him. I gathered him closer to my chest, dragging my nails through his hair. His hands trembled as he clutched at my shirt and tucked his head underneath my chin. I wrapped myself around him, praying that I could protect him from the unnamed man who had brought him to his knees. Robert had banished my own demons so many times. The night I had finally been brave enough to talk about Gordon, he had sat so patiently with me, never pushing and only loving me. It's because of him that I had began to really live again instead of just existing. Now, I sensed Robert straddling that line. He needed me to pull him back and this time, I wouldn't let him down.

A sob punched out of Robert's chest and he trembled against me. He had never felt so fragile. I gulped back my tears and hummed a half forgotten melody against his temple. The tears were never ending and he was skipping breaths in his agony. My heart ached for him. For this stunningly tragic man who was giving me all of his trust. 

"I need you to calm down for me. Can you do that?" I said.

"He...I didn't...I'm sorry,"

I cupped his chiselled jawline and brought wet, wounded eyes to meet mine. He looked broken and I could only hope that I could collect all the shattered pieces. That I could help him reforge them into something stronger. I rubbed a soothing circle over the freckles on his cheek. 

"Don't think about that right now. Take a deep breath,"

He did but it sounded like he had dragged it over jagged rocks. I dabbed at his face with the pads of my fingers. His cheeks turned red and he wrenched his chin out of my hand and stood up. Everything in me wanted to reach out and hold him again but I knew it wouldn't be welcome. Even when Robert was down, he was not weak. He was at his most dangerous when he was scared. I sat on the bed, my knees drawn up against my chest and watched him pace the room. Every few steps, he glanced toward the door and I worried that he would bolt. I kept my body ready to follow him. He had been battling alone for to long, he had me now. And I would march into hell to keep him safe. 

"Rob, please, what's going on?" 

I didn't expect him to flinch at the sound of my voice and something sickening settled in my gut. I knew that instinctive reaction and what it meant. There had been times when Robert had been hesitant to let me touch him. Sometimes, he startled at a loud sound or a raised voice. On bad days, he sat facing the door, always with an exit in sight. I had overlooked them. Written them of as a quirk, just Robert being Robert but they had never been. The signs had always been there but I had never thought to look. I closed my eyes. Never had I wanted him to be a victim of that soul crushing terror. Someone like him should only walk in the sunlight. The nights were mine. They hid my shame and I'd be damned if Robert followed in my footsteps.

"Oh, baby," I whispered, "No,"

"I'm sorry. You don't need to hear this. I'll go," 

His footsteps shuffled toward the door and my head snapped up, "Don't you dare. Come back. It's ok. Everything's going to be ok,"

Indecision and stark terror coloured his features. I held out my hand to him, my face open and comforting. We both knew that this was the moment that could destroy everything. Robert could either take my hand and let me save him or fight alone. I would never leave him either way. But we would be stronger together. We always were. A handful of seconds past before Robert shyly laced our fingers together and joined me on the bed. He didn't look at me though, choosing instead to pick at the bedspread and hide his face. I went to touch his cheek but aborted the movement as he recoiled. I saw the moment he realised what he had done and if possible his eyes got wider. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it,"

I smiled and placed my hand palm up on the bed, letting him take control. I wouldn't force him into anything. Not now I thought I understood. He pulled at my wedding ring until he slipped it off and rolled it between his fingers. The fractured smile that twisted onto his lips unnerved me. It didn't look like him. It belonged to someone else. 

"Rob?"

"He said I didn't deserve to be happy. That my Dad was right,"

"Jack wasn't right. You deserve all the happiness in the world. We've been through this,"

He stacked our rings on his finger and admired them in the dim glow from the bedside lamp. Despite our conversation, there was something innocent and childish in the way he moved. His barriers had never been higher but some part of him was wide open and bleeding. It made me realise that no one had ever been solely in Robert's corner. There had always been something to distract from him. I shuffled forward until our knees were touching. Robert glanced up and licked his lips. 

"I do want to tell you, Aaron but it might change the way you look at me. I couldn't bare it if you left me,"

"I told you about Gordon and you stayed. Any sane person would have run in the opposite direction but you didn't. I cut myself to shreds and you were there when I woke up. You've seen the dark parts of me and you don't care. There's nothing you could say to make me leave,"

He hid behind his arms and let out a shaky breath, "It was so long ago. I thought I was over it and I was but...God, Aaron, I can't,"

"Yes you can. I'm here. I'll always be here,"

"W-when my Dad kicked me out I went to London to meet someone,"

"That's a good thing, isn't it? You weren't alone,"

I winced at the splintered laughter that answered me. He lifted his head and looked ghoulish in the light, his eyes hooded and his lips curled. He dug his fingernails into his thighs and didn't let go even when I tried to pull them away. Panic fizzled in me. He was slipping away to a place I couldn't follow. I clambered to my knees, my hands hovering just over his shoulders. A stranger looked back at me and I shuddered. 

"I wish I was alone, it would have been better. I should have stayed on the streets, at least there I knew what I was getting myself in to," With every word he said his voice got higher and more hysterical. He dug his nails in even deeper and didn't care that I was trying to stop him. "But I was stupid and full of pride. The streets were beneath me and I was still a Sugden. I thought he was my friend. I thought I could trust him but he used me. Me! But it's no more that I deserve, right? It's all I'll ever be. Pathetic. A waste of space. A disappointment,"

"ROBERT STOP!" 

I wrenched his blood tinted hands away and held them in the air between us. I looked into his eyes and he wasn't there. He was lost in memories. The picture I was painting was horrific. If I ever met this man, I would destroy him for what he had done to my husband. How could someone bring a man as loving and beautiful as Robert to his knees. I kissed his knuckles, trying to bring him back to reality. 

"We don't need to talk about this today, Rob. Eventually yes, but not right now. You're safe here in our bed. Liv's in her room. Tomorrow we'll go to the pub and chat to our family. Maybe at the weekend we can go to Hotten. There's no one here but us. Come back to me,"

He blinked, "Aaron?" 

"I've got you,"

Relief nearly made me dizzy and I sobbed without meaning too. I could see Robert looking back at me again. He let me touch him and drank in my affection. He crawled up the bed and into my open arms, shuffling around until he could rest his head on my chest. Searching for security, he slipped his hand up my shirt and traced the contours of my abdomen. I kissed his messy blond hair and smoothed it back from his forehead. 

"His name is Tyler. He was the lad from the farm. The one that Dad caught me with. I lied and stayed in contact with him. I told him what had happened and he said I could stay with him. He had a little one bed flat. I loved him, Aaron,"

Wasn't that the story of Robert's life? He loved so passionately and time and time again it got thrown back in his face. I had done it to him. I didn't remember Tyler, I had been to young. The young farm hand was nothing but a hushed memory. He was lucky I didn't. Though I had learnt my lesson, Robert's confessions lit a wildfire in me that would not be tamed. If Tyler and I met, there would be bloodshed. I tucked Robert a little bit closer to me until he was practically laying on top of me, his nose pressed against my neck. 

"I'm sorry, Rob,"

There was nothing else I could say to him. What good were empty words now? Robert wouldn't want sugar coated words and pretty promises. So instead, I reiterated the facts I had given him. That he was so loved, he was mine and he was safe.

Robert hiccuped, "Just hold me,"

I held on tightly enough to give him bruises and I watched over him as a new day dawned. I understood the battlefield better now. I could defend the King. 

................................................................................................................. 

Morning had never come so slowly. By the time the clock hit 7 o'clock I was a wired mess. Every car outside could have been Tyler. I didn't know where Tyler was but instinct told me he was close. Something had triggered Robert. Had Tyler made contact and Robert hidden it from me? I snorted, of course he had. If Robert had his way, this secret would have been take to his grave. I glanced at Robert over my shoulder. Even in sleep, exhaustion made lines on his face and discoloured the underneath of his eyes. He whimpered and tossed his head, muttering underneath his breath. I danced my fingers over his forehead and he relaxed with a sigh. All night I had been chasing away the nightmares before they could take hold of his mind. If I could help it, we would never have a repeat of last night. I had never been so afraid. Robert had nearly knocked himself senseless, he hadn't recognised me. Had he seen Tyler instead? 

"Ssh, Rob, he's not here. I won't let him hurt you again. Ever," 

I needed a plan and backup. Robert still held onto the belief that he wasn't wanted in my family's life. He hid it well but those first few months had scarred him. To get through the next few weeks, we needed everyone. Mum had tried to show him but time and time again, he had shot her down and closed himself off. For the first time though, I was beginning to understand. It was all in aid of self preservation. He had a I'll hurt you first attitude to my family and in some regards to his. But no more. Jack had pushed his son into the arms of someone who had hurt him. Robert wouldn't ever be abandoned again. I pulled the covers up to Robert's chin and shut of his alarm. He wasn't going anywhere today. I left him to sleep and wandered down stairs to the concerned face of my little sister. She swept on me before I had even stepped of the stairs and the intensity on her face made me pause mid-step. 

"Liv?"

"Is Robert ok? I heard you last night. Where is he?"

I caught her as she tried to dart around me and dragged her back. The worry on her face made me smile a little. Robert never knew how loved her really is. Liv was wearing a navy hoodie that dwarfed her frame and it took me a moment to recognise it as the only one that Robert owned. We had brought it for him on a week when a crippling cold had trapped him in bed. Since then it had become the go to hoodie for anyone who wanted comfort. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and sighed. 

"He's going to be all right, Liv. I can't really tell you much because I don't know a lot. He's going to need our support for a while,"

She chewed her lip, "He sounded so scared. I didn't know he could sound like that,"

"I know. As much as he tries to hide it, he is only human. Can you just go with it?"

"Who hurt him?"

I paused and considered my choices. Robert was private and probably wouldn't want Liv to know but then again, he would need her support. I groaned and sat down at the table, Liv chose to perch on it instead and ignored me when I batted at her feet. 

"Someone he thought he could trust,"

"Give me a name,"

"Why?"

"Because then I know who to be angry with. I'd know who to look out for if they came back,"

Liv and Robert were more alike than they cared to admit. Protectiveness blazed in Liv's eyes and nothing I could have said was going to defuse her. I dropped my head back and pinched the bridge of my nose. Liv crawled closer and poked my arm.

"This isn't something you should be involved with. Robert and I can deal with it,"

She snarled and kicked my leg, "A name, Aaron. Now,"

"No. It's Robert's decision, not mine,"

She shot to her feet like a firecracker and turned to me with her hands planted on her hips and her face flushed. I copied her stance and we stared each other down. Both of us fighting for one man who we couldn't live without. The person who had somehow become the very soul of our strange little family. 

"Someone hurt him, Aaron. Badly enough to make him cry. Don't you understand? I have to know their name. How else can I help him? Just tell me, please,"

"Liv, I ca-,"

"Tyler. His name is Tyler,"

Liv and I sprang apart and spun around to face the stairs. Neither of us had heard Robert join us and I shuffled guiltily at the conversation he must have heard. For a moment, there was nothing but silence between us, I didn't have the words to break it and Robert was looking more nervous with each passing second. He didn't raise his head from the spot on the floor that had suddenly interested him. I bent my head down and my heart sank when I got a proper look at him. He was tired, ashamed and scared. Emotions he never had to feel around us. I stepped toward him but a blond blur rocketed by me and smacked into Robert's chest. Liv clung to him as if she was afraid he would vanish if she let go. He blinked and engulfed Liv in his arms, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.

"If I ever see Tyler, he's dead," Liv threatened. 

Robert chuckled, "I don't want to come a visit you in jail but thanks, I think. Stay away from any men called Tyler, I mean it,"

"I wouldn't get caught. I could inject an air bubble between his toes. Make it look like a heart attack,"

My nose scrunched up, "You've been watching to much TV. Go get dressed,"

After giving Robert one last loving squeeze, she bounded away. The nervousness was back on Robert's face as he stared at me with his heart on his sleeve. I closed the distance between us and kissed him, pouring every last bit of love I had for him into it. He melted into me like always and sighed. I adored the little noises of contentment he made at times. It meant he was happy. I broke away from him and smiled gently. There were still the remnants of last night's tears on his face and shadows in his eyes. 

"I'm still here. Never going anywhere,"

"Thank you,"

I straightened the collar of his shirt, "I know there's more that you haven't told me. I won't push you but I'll listen whenever you need to talk. I love you,"

"I love you too,"

...............................................................................

Hours later, Robert and I tumbled into the pub, drenched in a sudden downpour. Robert shook out his coat and scowled, I traipsed across the bar and left muddy footsteps behind me. Mum clicked her tongue and tossed me a towel from under the bar. I dragged Robert to me by his coat sleeve and threw the towel over his head. He yelped in surprise and grumbled but obediently dried his hair. I lifted it up and beamed as I caught sight of the shy smile on his lips. A small part of my mission was accomplished. I bundled him into a booth by the radiator and took his coat. Mum swapped our coats for pints of beer and hung them up to dry. I gave Robert his pint just as Vic and Adam dashed in, even wetter than we had been. I waved them over, Vic bounced into the seat opposite Robert and began to chat happily away. Adam took one look at me and frowned, an eyebrow raising in a silent question. I glanced at my husband but he seemed enthralled by Vic's story and motioned for Adam to follow me. I led him into the back room, not all that surprise when I realised that Mum had followed me. I swallowed hard. Mum took my hand and I leeched strength from her touch. 

"This isn't going to make any sense, it doesn't even make sense to me but I can't do it alone. Will you help me?"

"Help you with what, mate?" Adam frowned. 

I paced the room and chewed on my knuckles. Could I really betray Robert and ask for help? Something dangerous was coming and it hung over us like a dark cloud. There was no way that I could protect Robert every second of the day no matter how hard I tried. 

"It's Robert, isn't it?" Mum sighed, "He was acting so odd the other day, even for him,"

"There's a lot that he's been keeping a secret, most of it I can't tell you. It's his story and he'll hate it when he realises I've been talking to you now. But I think he's in trouble and he's trying to keep me in the dark,"

Adam sat down heavily, "In trouble how? Like someone's after him or he owes someone money?"

"Someone's after him. You should have seen him last night. He didn't recognise me,"

"Shit," 

I turned to my best friend and would have begged on my knees for his help. 

"I know you two aren't friends but I love him. He needs us. Adam, please,"

He quirked his lips and nodded once, "Yeah all right. The guy's my brother-in-law and honestly he's not so bad. I'm in,"

"Thanks. Mum?"

Mum had wandered over to the door and was peering out into the bar through it. She was silent for a long moment and I realise that she was watching Robert.

"Yeah," She sighed, "Of course,"

"What's the matter?"

She walked up to me and framed my face in her hands, her gentle fingers skimming over my cheeks. I didn't understand the sheen in her eyes or why her chin quivered. My stomach lurched and instantly I worried that Robert was in danger but calmed as Adam looked out and gave me a thumbs up.

"I knew that something was wrong. He had a...look that I've seen before. I've seen it with Charity but most recently...with you. The first time I saw it was the day you told me about Gordon. I don't know how to describe it. Kinda like you were hollowed out. Like an important part of you was missing. You've come back to us but Rob, he's lost a little more of himself since yesterday. We'll get him back. Someone's made him look like that and I won't stand for it. He's family now,"

I didn't realise I was crying until she wiped my tears away. Adam clamped a steady hand around my shoulder. 

"Thank you. Thank you. I don't know what to do,"

Mum rolled her eyes, "Just love him, dummy. So, who are we looking out for?"

"A man called Tyler. That's all I know. It's not much to go on but it's a start, right? He's from here apparently,"

"That's fine, we'll work with it. You two aren't alone anymore,"

There was a crash and a scream from the bar. I sprinted into the pub and my heart shuddered. Vic sat motionless at the table, the pub doors were swinging and Robert was gone. 


	4. Lamb to the slaughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert spills his secrets and then panics.

Come morning light. 

Robert Sugden.

 

I watched Aaron go, saw Adam's confusion and Chas' determination to be included. She cast me a side eyed glance that made me pause mid sentence. I didn't understand it. Minutes later she appeared back in the doorway, half hidden behind the frame, her face pale and heart broken. I got the feeling that she wanted me to see it. Chas smiled at me so fondly that it took my breath away. She'd never looked at me like that. It made something warm pool inside me and a tentative grin pulled at my lips. But hope was a dangerous emotion and I squashed it ruthlessly down. If I believed then the inevitable fallout would only hurt more. I turned pointedly away from her just as Vic was wrapping up her story. 

"What do you think?" She said.

I blinked, "Uh...yes?"

She leant forward on her hands and smirked, "So you'll dye your hair pink?"

I choked on my drink, "What? No!"

"I'm joking, Rob. But seriously, are you ok?"

"I'm fine,"

I jumped back as Vic slapped my hand with just enough force to sting. Pouting, I stared at her and cradled my hand to my chest. My little sister barely managed to hold back her grin as she tossed her plait over her shoulder. 

"Aaron said I could do that if you ever said you were 'fine'. I'll take full advantage of it,"

"That's not fair. I didn't think he was serious,"

Vic shifted a little bit and her face was soft and open. I stared at her, a part of me would never be used to people being so loving toward me. I pressed my nails into my palms just to affirm that I was here. 

"Haven't you worked it out yet? When it comes to you he's always serious. He'd tear the world apart for you. If I didn't love him so much for it, I'd be scared," 

I flushed and wiped at the condensation on the glass. Aaron's affections did scare me at times, I worried that he'd take his protectiveness too far one day and end up in a place worse than jail. 

"I know or at least I'm learning that but it's...hard...,"

Vic took my hand, "It's a good thing, Rob. You deserve it,"

She had no idea why I flinched away from her and folded into myself. I hated myself for putting that look on her face but before I could find the words to apologise the pub doors swung open and a sixth sense made me freeze. I didn't need to turn around to see who was behind me. I was still so finely tuned into him even after all these years. Eyes latched onto my back and didn't let go. I nearly lost myself in the terror but Vic's voice called me back. I shook my head and swallowed hard. Every part of me wanted to throw myself into Aaron's arms and beg him to fix it. But I was frozen to my seat. I couldn't even speak. Tyler swaggered up to the bar, ordering a pint of the unsuspecting Marlon, always in my eye line. He wanted me to see him. Wanted me to know that we were playing an entirely different game but the winner had already been determined. 

"Rob, look at me, breathe! Rob!" 

Vic's voice came from a distance, like it had been distorted over a radio. I swung my gaze to her but couldn't see anything passed Tyler's flaming hair. My palms were sweaty and I couldn't breathe. Aaron had never been so far away. I needed him. Why wasn't he here? Hadn't he promised he'd never leave me? Like a nightmare, Tyler turned around, leaning against the bar and looked directly into my eyes. Suddenly I was twenty again and cowering in the corner, bleeding and wrecked. Counting the seconds until he returned. I guess I'd never really stopped. Once Tyler knew he had my attention, he raised his pint in a mocking salute and blew me a kiss. 

"Hello, Bobby," He said and sliced his finger across his throat. "Keep quiet, kid,"

Maybe he said more. Perhaps Aaron came back but I didn't see it. Fear was an explosion and I all but flew out of the pub. 

...................................................

_"Hi, this is Robert. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. Aaron, I love you!"_

"Rob, answer your damn phone. Where are you? Call me, please," 

Aaron's fifth voicemail echoed in the silence of my car. Stiffly, I deleted it and didn't even read the next text that came through. I was furious that Tyler had forced me away from my home again to skulk in a lonely country road. It was stupid to sit here in the dark but I couldn't bring myself to start the car any more than I could to answer the phone. It buzzed again and danced across the dashboard, the screen illuminated in Aaron's name. He must be so frightened. It was an unspoken rule between the two of us; never go radio silent. Rain battered the car roof and I cranked the heat up higher. 

_Keep quiet, kid._

I hadn't even had a proper conversation with Tyler and he had gotten into my head. A rage filled screamed escaped my lips and I beat my fists against the steering wheel until they bled. I was supposed to be stronger than this. Wasn't I Aaron's strength when his past became to much? He counted on me to have a core of steel even when I was splintered inside. It ruined things when I was human, when I dared to cry. How could I be the protector if I needed to be saved?

I had to meet Tyler, maybe I could resolve everything. Get him to be the one to leave the village instead of me. Tyler wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted and he would go through Aaron and Liv to get it. To get me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if they got hurt because I was a coward. But I needed time to gather myself. Approaching Tyler now would be suicide. My hands trembled as I wrapped them around the steering wheel and took a deep fortifying breath. It was time to face my husband.

.................................................

I took a quick detour into the pub just as Chas was serving the last customer. Tyler was long gone, he probably hadn't finished his pint but the unease lingered. It felt as though his presence had tainted the building and I wondered if an exoticism was to much. Aaron wasn't here and I hoped he had the sense to go home and not hunt for me in the rain. I crept up to the bar, unsure of Chas' welcome after I had run out on her son and not paid for my drink. I licked my lips and cleared my throat.

Chas whipped around, "Oh, thank God. Come here, love,"

My forehead furrowed and I actually looked over my shoulder to make sure she was talking to me but she was and I moved around the bar. She stroked my arm and flinched as she brushed my hand. It was only then I remembered that my hands were bleeding and I snatched them back, stuffing them into my pocket. Chas clicked her tongue and pushed me down onto a bar stool. She looked frazzled and tired. My gut clenched in sympathy.

"Chas?"

She wilted a little and twisted a dishcloth, "Why did you run, you silly boy?"

I shrugged, "Had to get away. I didn't mean to worry anyone,"

"Of course we worry. Aaron's going out of his mind. Tell me you've called him,"

"Not yet. I wanted to make sure that...that nothing had happened here first. I'm on my way home. Do you think I'm in trouble?"

"Without a doubt but he'll forgive you,"

"I'm sorry I made a mess of everything,"

Chas whipped the dishcloth against my knee and scowled, "Don't you apologise for this. This isn't your fault,"

Now Aaron's absence made sense, he had been talking to his Mum and probably Adam about me. Chas knew as much as Aaron did. It wasn't a lot but it was still more a than I ever wanted her to know. I turned away from her, tears pricking my eyes but she cupped my jaw and dragged my face back. She was gentle and understanding and entirely to much. My lip quivered until I bit down on it hard. 

"Don't be angry with Aaron," She said softly, "He wants to make sure that he gets it right with you. I think he's afraid of saying the wrong thing. He didn't tell me anything really,"

"I'm not mad, not at him,"

She swept my hair away from my face, "But you are mad at someone and if you don't let someone in completely it will suffocate you,"

"I'm getting there," My phone rang again, "I should go home before he has an aneurysm. Just do me a favour, yeah? Stay safe. You're kinda important to me,"

I gathered up my coat and Chas rendered me entirely flustered when she stretched up on her toes, pulled me down and smacked a kiss to my forehead. While I was still gathering my wits, she walked into the backroom and laughed. 

.......................................................................................

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, ROBERT? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED WE'VE BEEN?"

Luckily, I was expected Aaron's volcanic anger and managed to stop myself from jumping to badly. I didn't even get the chance to kick of my shoes before my husband swept on me and wrapped me up. He was coiled so tightly that he was practically vibrating and he shoved his face against my shoulder. I buried my face against his dark curls and breathed in the scent that had always comforted me. Safe at home, some of the weight on my shoulders dissolved and it knocked me of balance. Aaron steadied me. 

"I'm sorry. I went for a drive,"

"Call me. I didn't know where you were, you could have been hurt. Don't do that again,"

I pulled away just enough to see his face but still stay in the circle of his arms. Blind panic was still raging in his eyes but the anger was fading. I kissed away the panic until he was supple and calm in my grasp. His thumb caressed my cheek in soothing circle as we pulled apart. 

"I got scared. I just had to get out," I confessed. "I didn't mean to upset you. Sorry,"

Aaron sighed, "Stop it. It's ok. I just...what happened to your hands?"

The blood on my hands had crusted and stained the grooves and lines in my skin. It had dripped down my fingers and stained my nails. I grimaced and walked over to the sink to run them under the tap. The hot water stung but it was enough to shake the last of the fog from my head. Aaron silently handed me the first aid kit and let me strap up my own wounds. When I turned to him, he was hovering by the fridge and biting at the skin of his thumb. I knocked his hand away and stroked that special spot behind his ear. He glared at me playfully and checked that I had fixed my hands up properly.

"I had an argument with the car. It won,"

"Mm, we'll have less of that. I need you in one piece after all,"

I nodded and turned to the freezer to scrounge up some food for the three of us. Liv hadn't graced us with her presence but her music thumped upstairs. I found two frozen pizzas underneath the bag of chips and tossed them on the counter. Aaron hoped up onto the counter and fiddled with the radio. A pop radio station burst into life and I smiled a little at Aaron's scowl. How had I been so lucky? All those wishes on stars for something better had finally paid of. Those nights, I had lived in a world of pain and humiliation and I had clung to the idea of a saviour. I didn't know I would find it in a grumpy mechanic who had the biggest heart I had ever seen. I turned on the oven and put in the frozen food, cringing at the lack of nutritional value in them but to exhausted to do anything else. 

"You should call Vic, she thinks she upset you. Did she?"

"...no. I'll talk to her. Aaron, you know you don't have to protect me, right?"

"Are you mad? Of course I do. You're my husband, Robert. What are you on about, muppet?"

"I don't want you to get hurt,"

Aaron stretched out his legs and locked them around my waist, holding me still as I tried to back away. He had always been stronger than me, I struggled but he didn't waver. 

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?"

I wriggled against him but he adjusted his hold and reeled me back in until I was pinned against his chest. The counter gave him a height advantage and I ended up with my forehead pressed against his shoulder, his fingers in my hair. I gave up and pawed at his shirt, begging him to stop the madness in my head. Because I was afraid of the shadows in the room and the eyes I couldn't see but could feel watching me.

"I'm losing control. I don't know what to do,"

"I'm here. You need to tell me the truth, no more lies, no more games. What happened today?"

I swallowed and pressed a little closer to him, praying I could merge with him if only for a minute. If I tried hard enough, I could find a place where Tyler and my Dad couldn't hurt me. Where I didn't have to live in fear. Aaron's kiss reminded me that he was my strength now. So, I took a deep breath and mumbled a few words against his skin. I could do this. I could be brave. I turned off the oven.

"I saw Tyler and he saw me,"

Aaron froze and then clutched at me so tight that it was hard to breathe. He planted butterfly kisses to my face and brushed his hands over my back and stomach. It was an action I had done a thousand times before, he was searching for injuries. I kept my face in the darkness of his neck and let him. His hand snaked up my shirt and warmed my skin. I felt the fear and urgency in his touch. 

"Jesus, did he hurt you?"

"No. He saw me and I freaked,"

"And then you ran, knowing he could follow you? Run to me, Rob. Always to me,"

His gentle soothing words shattered me and I wept bitterly. Aaron never let me go, even when I drenched the collar of his shirt and got snot all over him. My chest ached and my eyes were raw but I couldn't stop. My breathtaking man shushed me and held me like I was something fragile. I supposed I was. 

"He's here. What do I do? I should leave. He'll come after you,"

"Let him come. He'll regret ever touching you,"

"I'm so sorry. I brought him here. It's because of me he's here,"

"Stop it," He snapped but his voice was thick, "This is on him. He'll never hurt you again. I promise,"

Hadn’t I promised him that a thousand times? Had it always sounded so empty? I hadn’t realised that the sentiments behind my words were so flimsy. Aaron couldn't stop the memories, they'd always be there. He didn't need me to add anymore to his. A sane man would have run. I longed to put countries between us but Aaron wouldn't leave Emmerdale and I couldn't leave him.

"You can't go after him, Aaron. Promise me, you won't!" I shoved back to look at his face, he didn't like my demand. It went against everything in him, "You can't! He'll hurt you. He nearly killed me and he said he loved me. Imagine what he'll do to you,"

The second I spoke I knew I had made a mistake. A living statue had it's arms around me instead of Aaron. I thought he had stopped breathing. I nuzzled closer to him and snuffled, Aaron took the cue and thawed. He took my chin and made me look up at him. His eyes were red and angry yet somehow so so sad. He handled me like I was made of glass as he stroked the scar through my eyebrow. He had asked about it so many times and true to form, I had lied. I had twisted the truth about the ones on my ribs and on my back. A fall down the stairs. A drunken brawl. All the details changed just enough to be believable but ordinary. 

"He put you in the hospital?" Aaron's voice was deadly quiet. 

"Just the once. I fell down the stairs and hit my head. Needed stitches," 

"The truth, Rob, did he push you?"

"H-he didn't mean too. He was drunk and I was bad," 

I was always bad. Always wrong.

I winced as Aaron's grip on my face tightened, "You're not bad. He's the one in the wrong, not you. He had no right to hurt you,"

Logically, I knew that Aaron was right. Nothing I had done deserved the beatings he had given me. I had loved him as much as I knew how. Given him everything I had. The literal clothes on my back because everything else had been in the village. But it had been drilled into me over and over and over again until it was the last thing on my mind at night and the first thing in the morning. It was difficult to beat conditioning like that. Only some days did I manage it. Others I pretended I had. I stared at Aaron, wishing I knew the words to say and hating the sudden pressure I felt to be perfect. I couldn't make this better for him and it made me anxious. Aaron sensed this and pressed his palm over the skin of my racing heart. 

"Aaron...,"

"Hush, baby. He was wrong. Say it,"

"He-he was..wrong,"

"Again,"

"He was wrong,"

"One day you'll believe it and it'll be one of the best days of your life. But until you do, I'm here to tell you every single day. I won't let you get lost. I love you,"

"I love you too,"

................................................................................

A sudden shattering of glass woke us hours later. I bolted out of the bed, my heart racing a mile a minute and to the door. Aaron's hand was steadying on my back and we peered outside and ushered Liv back into her room.

"Lock the door," I whispered. 

We didn't move until we heard the click of her lock. Aaron shoved in front of me as we moved down the stairs, one arm always kept protectively out. Blocking me from any attack. If I didn't love him so much I would have kicked him. The kitchen window had been shattered by a single rock the size of my fist. I shuddered and Aaron raced to the front door, swearing. I looked out of the window, already knowing what I'd find and met Tyler's burning eyes. He grinned with all his teeth and made his fingers into the shape of a crude gun and aimed it at Aaron.

"Bang," He mouthed. 

"AARON! Aaron, come back! Where are you?"

He didn't answer me.


	5. I see you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Tyler finally meet.

Come morning light.

Aaron Dingle.

I see you.

 

I didn't really think it through. I never really do. Mum had told me for years that one day it would get me killed. Robert despaired of me sometimes. One day I would listen to them.

Awareness came back to me like a sledgehammer and I stared up at the full moon. My head throbbed in time with my heart beat and my stomach churned. I pressed a trembling hand to my forehead and winced at the dampness I felt. The past few moments came rushing back at me, a broken window, a noise behind me and a sudden debilitating pain. Oh, God, Robert! Forcing myself up on my knees was just enough to clear part of my head. I stared around the back garden desperately, he wasn't there. I had left him alone with an intruder. Fear made the nausea in my stomach twist and writhe. I had to use the wall to climb unsteadily to my feet. Blood leaked into my eye and I swiped it away angrily. Blinking a few times, I managed to make my eyes focus and staggered forward.

"OI! GET AWAY FROM HIM! Aaron, someone's after Robert!" Liv shrieked. "Rob, run!"

I skidded around the corner, sending gravel and pebbles flying up around my feet just in time to see two figures disappearing down the street. One was Robert and the other was a red headed man who would have towered over both of us. It had to be Tyler. A burglar wouldn't chase after anyone. Tyler was after my husband and I was to far behind to catch up.

"Liv, stay inside," I ordered. "I'll get him,"

I didn't hear what she said, all my focus was on moving my body as fast as I could just to keep them in sight. Robert made a hard right but Tyler was like a bloodhound and mirrored his every move. My heart was in my mouth as Robert started to slow down and Tyler closed the gap. Robert wasn't a long distance runner, he was built for speed and now he was paying the price for it. But I was made for it and I dug my feet into the road and sprinted. As we passed the pub, the doors flew open and Mum stuck her head out, waving her arm around.

"Robert, get in here now!"

This was probably the first time in their relationship when Robert did as he was told and he almost fell through the front door. Mum sent me a panicked glance and I motioned for her to close the door. I almost wilted in relief when she did. Tyler let out a furious howl and threw himself against it. I could only imagine how frightened Robert must be on the other side. I wrestled Tyler away from the door, spinning him around and landing a quick jab to his cheek. It was like punching a concrete wall and I hissed in fury. For the first time, I stared at the man who had almost destroyed Robert and had never hated someone so much. Sure, he was an attractive man, striking eyes and pale skin but I could see the monster beneath the skin. I understood why Robert had fallen for him. I made sure that I was between him and the door.

"Stay away from Robert," I growled.

Tyler smirked and it made something unpleasant curl in my stomach. "You must be Aaron. Get out of my way, I need to speak to Bobby,"

My eye twitched, anyone who knew him well enough knew how much Robert detested that name. Now I knew why. I crossed my arms over my chest and could only pray that Mum was keeping Robert away from the windows. The last thing he needed was to see the pair of us locked in the inevitable confrontation.

"You're mad if you think I'm letting you anywhere near him. I'm saying this once, get lost. Robert doesn't want you in his life,"

Tyler roamed his eyes over me and the lust in them made me tremble. I forced myself not to run, it wasn't the same. I had to keep Robert safe.

"Has he been lying again? You know I never hurt him. Not like he says I did,"

"I know men like you. You get off by tearing others down. You're not getting close to my husband,"

The moment it left my mouth, I knew that I had set of a powder keg in front of me. Undiluted rage flickered across Tyler's features and his eyes flickered down to my hand. Smugly, I showed him the wedding band and his jaw clenched.

"He's mine!" Tyler snarled.

I snorted, "No, he's not. Get lost,"

As much as I wanted to enter the pub, I couldn't let Tyler out of my sight. He was tensed like a boxer, ready to strike the second my defence was lowered. Muscles rippled underneath his shirt as he flexed his arms. I bounced on my heels, steadying myself for a fight even though I knew I was still injured. Tyler struck first with a well aimed jab to my nose and suddenly I realised that I had underestimated him. I barely managed to dodge, throwing myself aside and swiping out with my leg. It got sidestepped and Tyler's next punch split my lip open. I spat out a mouthful of blood and tackled Tyler, forcing him up the street and away from Robert. He slipped out of my grasp and his knee collided with my stomach. Gasping, I doubled over, pain rippling through my muscles and making my head throb.

Tyler stood over me and grinned. "You're pretty, be a shame to mess up that face. Just let me take Robert home and I'll leave you in peace,"

"He is home,"

I braced myself to the next hit, the world still spinning to fast for me to move only to find someone protecting me. To my horror, Robert stood between us, his arms out stretched. What was he doing?

"Don't hurt him anymore," Robert pleaded, "Just stop,"

Tyler hummed and took a bold step toward Robert. "Come back with me, Bobby. We were good together once, we can be again. Did you get my gift?"

Robert flinched. I pulled myself to my feet and held onto Robert's hand, trying to give him the strength to stand. Tyler saw and his nostrils flared. But despite my efforts, Robert started to curl into himself and I wondered how long they had been alone before Liv raised the alarm. Tyler could have said anything to Robert.

"I said no. I'm not going anywhere with you," Robert insisted. "Please, go away,"

Tyler thrust his hand in my direction, "You walked out on me for him?"

Robert nodded and moved to shelter me again as Tyler made a lunge for me. I seized hold of Robert and span him behind me, fully prepared to use my body as his shield. This man wouldn't leave another mark on Robert as long as I lived.

"Go, before I call the police," I said.

Tyler paused and I thought that he might do as I asked but then he made a move so quick around me and had his mouth on Robert's before I could think. All I could see was Robert's wide, terrified eyes and the bruising grip Tyler had on the back of his neck. With a strength I didn't know I had, I wrenched Tyler off Robert and threw him to the dirt. I ushered Robert into the pub and when I looked back, Tyler was gone.

................................................................................................................

Robert locked the door and then checked it again before he turned to me. His lips were bruised, his neck was red and he was holding one arm carefully to his chest like it hurt him. Dressed only in his pyjama bottoms with a dressing gown thrown over his chest, he shivered. I hated to imagine the state of his feet. He cradled my face in one arm and tears rose to his eyes.

"He hurt you, I'm so sorry. Wait here,"

He bustled away, uncaring of Mum's gaze on him as he disappeared into the back rooms. I all but fell into a booth and winced as I brushed against my lip. Mum slipped into the seat opposite me, pale and scared but I didn't know what to say to make it better for her. I didn't even have the right words for Robert.

"Aaron?"

"That was Tyler. Mum, I let Tyler get to him again. I didn't even think,"

I bowed my head to my hands and sighed. The one thing I had promised Robert was that Tyler wouldn't touch him again and I had failed. I had let Tyler kiss him and put that look back on his face. Robert had been so strong and I was so proud of him. I couldn't love my beautifully tragic man anymore than I did. He didn't deserve any if it. He had suffered enough for ten lifetimes. Mum brushed my hair back and waited until I raised my head to her. She quirked one corner of her mouth slightly.

"You didn't let Tyler do anything. I saw you fight him. Robert saw that too,"

"It wasn't enough. That mad man threw a rock through our window to get us outside. He separated us and then went after Robert. Why didn't I stay?"

A gentle hand landed on my shoulder and I lifted my arm so that Robert could curl against my side. Mum patted our shoulders and wandered away. Robert offered me a damp flannel shyly. I ignored the pain and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head, squeezing him a little tighter to me. This brilliant man who was still so kind and generous after all he had been through. So patient with me whenever I fell into the past though now I realised he must have recognised himself in me. He touched his lips to the underside of my jaw and burrowed in a little deeper to my chest. I willingly offered him the comfort he sought.

"Nothing that happened tonight was your fault, Aaron. I should have expected it,"

I lifted the flannel away from my mouth to talk, "You didn't know he would toss a rock through the window. I'm sorry I couldn't stop him from hurting you,"

Robert swatted my chest with the back of his hand, "Stop it. You did enough, you got him off me. I froze...I just...sorry,"

I rubbed at the crescent marks on his neck and shook my head, "It's ok,"

"What did he do to you? You're bleeding and you didn't answer me. I called for you,"

I clenched my eyes shut and buried my face in his sweet smelling hair. I hated myself for not being able to reply to Robert. He shifted in my arms and took the flannel to clean the cut on my forehead. I didn't know how to tell him that Tyler had knocked me senseless and left me in our garden.

"Its not important. All that matters is that you're safe,"

Robert wiped the flannel down my face and startled me into opening my eyes. He poked my nose angrily but not enough to hurt. "What?"

"I'm not all that matters. Tyler's gonna have it in for us now that you've gone and told him we're married. He's...he can get...possessive,"

I stroked his jaw, "He doesn't own you, Rob. He never did,"

Something I said sparked a memory in him and I felt him distance himself from me even though we were still touching. I increased the pressure I had on his skin, just enough to bring his attention back to me. His eyes darted rebelliously away and settled on my knee. A chill shot through me, I knew that look, it was the mile long stare of a victim. God, I wanted to tear Tyler apart.

"Hey, hey, look at me. Where have you gone?" Robert licked his lips and cringed, dragging the back of his hand over his mouth until I had to pull it away. "I won't judge you. You know everything that Gordon did to me. You can tell me anything,"

"There are things that I'm not ready to tell you yet. I don't know if I'll ever be,"

"That's fine. Can you tell me what you were just thinkin' about?"

"He used to tell me that I belonged to him everyday," He buried his face in my neck and whispered his shame into my skin. "He tried to c-cut it into my arm when he was drunk. But it healed fine. See?"

He held out his right arm and dragged his sleeve back. I traced over the unblemished skin and couldn't help but imagine the crude letters carved into his skin. I cried for him and the pain he had gone through. Robert blinked and dabbed at my cheeks, his lip caught between his teeth. I kissed his arm wishing it was as easy to banish the memories. I'd willingly go through Gordon's torture a thousand times if it meant that Robert kept smiling and breathing. Robert gasped.

"God, baby,"

"I didn't mean to upset you. I'm yours, Aaron, I promise,"

I dragged him back to me until he was straddling my thighs, his hands on my chest to steady himself. I didn't care that Mum was upstairs or that I was still bloody. It had been a long time since I worried about showing Robert affection in public. It made him feel safe and that was worth anything. I nuzzled our noses together, grinning when I made him smile and chuckle softly. His eyes lit up and glowed, this was my Robert. Open, loving and kind. Not the machine that Tyler had turned him into. Robert kissed me lazily, his tongue lapping at my mouth and swirling with my own. I waited patiently for that noise of contentment and right on cue, he sighed. I let him control the kiss and leant back when he broke it. "I love you, Robert,"

"Love you too,"

He went to roll of me but I held onto his waist, a frightening question suddenly in my mind. Robert picked up on my unease and froze. I felt his heart trip underneath my palm. I stroked his chest to try and soothe him but he remained alert and tensed.

"Don't do that, you've done nothing wrong. I just had a question. What did Tyler mean when he said 'gifts'?"

Robert looked away, "Uhm...he sent me a card and a rose. I didn't want to tell you in case you thought that..."

"In case I thought that you were cheating?"

"Or that I was lying to get out of trouble. I'm not!"

Despair flowed through me and I rested my head against his collarbone. Had we done this to him? Sure, Tyler had started it but my family and I had just added to it. Every time we had cast him aside, spurned his affection and discarded his love. In our early months, sneaking around the village, I had let myself see the worst in him and he knew. I had been to hurt, to angry to see passed the mask he paraded around in. I allowed Mum to belittle him and Cain to hurt him.

"I believe you,"

"I wouldn't do that to you. No matter what Tyler says,"

"What did he say?"

Robert tried to break the hold I had on him, pawing at my arms but I just pulled him in tighter. He slumped against me quickly.

"He said he'd leave you alone if I...did things with him. I want to keep him away from you but I don't think I can do that. I'm sorry,"

"You never have to do that. It doesn't matter what he does to me,"

"We need to have a plan. Tyler isn't finished and look what he's done to us,"

"Don't worry about it,"

..........................................................................

I tucked Robert into the sofa with the latest superhero movie and a family bag of Doritos. Despite the later hour Liv joined him and they cocooned themselves in a mountain of blankets that had appeared from nowhere. Liv and I shared a glance, we wouldn't let our guard down again. Tyler wouldn't fool us twice. I boarded up the window whilst phoning Adam, the phone balanced between my shoulder and ear. I couldn't stray to far from Robert. I had the irrational urge to always keep him in my sight. 

Adam answered the phone, sleepy and irritated, "What d'you want?"

"Tyler found Robert. We need to do something,"

A pause. 

"Give me five minutes and I'll be there,"

I hung up the phone and burrowed into the space Robert left for me. I wrapped his arm around my shoulders, using the strength in him to fortify my courage. 

He was my heart. My soul. My everything. 


	6. I almost believe you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert is convinced that Aaron is keeping secrets from him.

Come morning light

Robert Sugden.

 

"Are you going to be in tonight? I thought I could cook for us,"

Aaron glanced up from his phone and shook his head apologetically. "No, sorry. I've made plans with Adam,"

Swallowing a sigh, I put the mince back in the fridge and leant my hip against the counter. It had been the same answer for the past four nights. Aaron was always busy, with the garage or Adam or Chas. He was loving and sweet in the mornings but come dark he pulled away. The harder I tried to cling to him, the further I felt him slip away. I didn't want to think about what it meant. Had the last few weeks been to much for him?

Was I to much?

I watched Aaron move around the Mill, his shoulders slumped and his body always alert. It was a burning blade through my heart to see it and know that Tyler and I had put it there. He wasn't letting me help. I cleared my throat, Aaron spared me a look over his shoulder. 

"I could come with you. Are you going to the pub?"

His face twisted and before I had even finished talking he was shaking his head. "Not this time, mate. Adam needs help with something private. Have you seen my hoodie?"

For a frightening moment, my breaths faltered and I ended up clutching at my chest. Aaron didn't notice, already engrossed in his phone. When had I been reduced to just a mate? Not so long ago I had been his everything, his reason for breathing. Though I never told him, I cherished those little moments when he called me baby because it meant that he loved me. Was he beginning to fall out of love with me? I wrapped my cardigan tighter around my chest, lonelier and colder than I had felt in years. Aaron finally located his hoodie behind a cushion with a gleeful shout. The clock had just struck 9:05 and I was about to come in second to the garage. Again. 

"OK. Will you be late?" The glare that Aaron shot me chilled me to the bone and I looked to my shoes, "Sorry. It's none of my business,"

I heard Aaron sigh and his steps across the floor until they stopped in front of me. His fingers hooked around my chin and tugged impatiently until I looked up. He smiled so beautifully at me but it hurt to see. Because there was something far away in his eyes and something else that looked a lot like anger. I didn't think I could deal with Aaron's rage alongside Tyler's obsession. Aaron kissed me but pulled away far to quickly. This was far worse than any torture Tyler could have come up with. Aaron never knew how easily he could break me. 

"It's fine. I know I've been busy lately Rob but I'll make it up to you. How about a weekend away? Wherever you want,"

Why did that sound like a bribe? Shut up and play nice and I'll stay with you. I bit my lip and shook myself. Aaron may be distant right now but he didn't have Tyler's cruelness. I smiled and nodded, bending down to steal another kiss that lingered for a second longer than the first one. Aaron's phone chimed and he moved away from me so I couldn't see the screen. It was a clear dismissal. I reached for his hand but he moved away to jab at the phone. My hand dropped to my side like a lead weight. How could I not be allowed to touch him? Didn't he know how much it grounded me? Aaron shoved his phone back into his pocket and pulled on a pair of tattered trainers. I hovered behind him, feeling unwanted in my own home, words on my tongue that I didn't know how to say. 

"I'll call you on my break. If Tyler makes a scene, let me know immediately. Don't wait. If you can't get through to me, call Cain. OK?"

How could he sound so callous? He finally looked up at me when I let my silence linger to long. I threw up a hasty wall between us and nodded. There was no way I was going to let him see how upset I was. He'd only stay out of duty and pity. That would be worse than anything.

"All right. See you later. I love you,"

"Ditto," He called as he walked out the door. "Bye,"

The door slamming after him felt so final.

................................................................................

I couldn't face the outside world when my world was falling apart. One look at me and everyone would know that I was struggling. There would be a flashing neon sign over my head screaming 'broken and unstable.' So, instead I threw myself into cleaning the apartment until it gleamed. Four hours later had me kneeling on the floor, scrubbing at the tiles with enough bleach to make my eyes water. But I couldn't stop. Every time I did, I heard Aaron's impending break up and saw myself homeless and forgotten. Caught up in my thoughts, I didn't hear the knock at the front door until I was blinking dimly up at Vic. She wrinkled her nose and waved a hand in front of her face. 

"Jesus, Rob. Did you murder someone?" She said.

I frowned, "No. The house needs a clean,"

"You can see this floor from space. Take a break. Come and talk to me,"

"The floor isn't clean yet and I haven't done the washing," 

Vic squatted down in front of me, dark eyebrows knitting together and her lips pursed. She swept my fringe away from my eyes and for some reason I didn't understand she looked impossibly sad. The kitchen timer dinged and I shot to my feet and once I located the oven glove I pulled the tray of Liv's favourite cookies out of the oven. The cookies joined the peanut brittle and the brownies already on the cooling rack. I had the ingredients out for a chocolate sponge cake. Aaron's favourite. Vic's gentle hands span me around and plucked the bag of flour from me. She kept a grip on me and led me to the kitchen table. I thought about resisting but Vic could out stubborn me any day. We sat down beside each other, I was restless where she was determined. I dreaded the talk to come.

"What's going on with you lately, Rob? I haven't seen you like this in years,"

"I'm all right, Vic. I've just got a lot of energy today,"

"Try again. The house smells of bleach and there's enough cakes over there to last a month,"

"Why are you here?"

She drew on the tabletop with her finger, "Aaron told me to. He's been held up at work and he can't call you like he promised. He sent me to make sure you were OK,"

I snorted a laugh and dropped my forehead to one hand, just so tired, "Of course he's busy. Go and report to him, Vic. Everything's perfect,"

My chair scrapped across the floor as I stood up and picked up my cleaning supplies, ready to tackle the bathroom. I wasn't even worth a phone call anymore. Aaron really didn't love me anymore. To my surprise, I didn't feel the unfathomable agony just yet, I didn't really feel anything. But I would soon and I needed to be alone when the shock turned into grief. I had to be busy so that I could fend it off. But Vic had other ideas and she blocked my access to the stairs, sizing up to me and making me pause. We both knew that I could never physically move her aside. 

"Get out of the way, Vic. I'm busy,"

"What's going on between you and Aaron?"

"Nothing, we're fine,"

She poked a painted nail into my chest, "Don't lie to me,"

"Drop it,"

I saw my signature smirk reflected on her face, "Not a chance. Aaron looks like someone killed his puppy and you're sulking in here. I know that something has happened in the last few weeks. Adam thinks he's sneaky but he can't hide anything from me. Who's Tyler?"

No.

It was bad enough that Liv knew about Tyler but I couldn't deal with Vic knowing. She didn't need to know how much of a screw up her big brother was. I tried to think up a lie but one look at Vic stopped me in my tracks. She was worried, protective and nervous. But there was a knowing light in her eyes. She had overheard more than she said. I loved her all the more for letting me tell her at my own pace. 

"Tyler's complicated. We've got history and now he's mad at me. Adam's trying to help me,"

Vic's eyes narrowed, "What did you do?"

Survived. 

"I left him. He didn't take it to well,"

"You were together?"

I picked at my fingernail, "Yeah, for a few years. We weren't good together. Aaron been trying to get rid of Tyler but now I think he's angry at me too. Did he say anything to you?"

Vic played with her hair, "He just told me to get here quickly. He can't come to see you and he didn't want you to worry. You haven't answered his texts,"

"My phone's upstairs,"

Vic stood to stand on the second step of the stairs so that we were eye level. I clutched the bleach closer to my chest and made myself look at her. If I could face her then maybe I could face Aaron later.

"I'm not going to ask you what happened with Tyler. I can hazard a guess but you'll tell me when you're ready. But he's not the problem today, is he? It's Aaron, right?"

I licked my lips and swallowed hard, "I just...,"

Her warm fingers wrapped around my wrist, "It's just me, Rob,"

Hating myself, I lapped up the listening ear she offered me and my shoulders slumped. 

"I think he's bored of all my drama. I'm not exactly the easiest person to love and this new situation might be to much. He's not been home much and when he is here, he doesn't talk to me anymore,"

"Maybe you're reading into this a bit much. He was really upset that he couldn't call you. Aaron would give you the world if you asked for it,"

But I didn't want the world. I just wanted him. 

"Tyler hurt him last week and he might blame me. I mean, who wouldn't? It's my fault. If I wasn't so much of a coward I would leave, Tyler would follow me but I can't,"

"Robert!"

Vic seized my shoulders and cut of my rambling but her eyes were locked on my hand. I followed her gaze to see the four crescent cuts I had left on my palm again. I shrugged of Vic's touch and wiped my hand on my jeans. 

"It's nothing. Did you need anything else, Vic? I've got a lot to do today?"

There was nothing but revulsion and disbelief on Vic's face as she wandered over to the door and left. How many other people were going to walk out that door because of my actions today?

........................................................................................................................................

Aaron came home at 2:00AM, tipsy and loud but with no phone call. I pretended to be asleep and he clattered around the room and tripped over the waste bin. The duvet covers lifted on his side of the bed and I shuddered in the sudden chill. He snuggled up against my back and I was docile as he tucked me even closer to him and brought the blanket up beneath my chin. His hand walked down my side and burrowed underneath my T-shirt to rest on my waist. The kiss he gave to the back of my neck burned. In the darkness, he was my Aaron again but come morning light I knew I would be loving a stranger. 

........................................................................................................................................

I left the blinds down in the morning and placed a paracetamol and a glass of water on Aaron's bedside. He didn't seem to have drunk that much but he was notorious for hangovers that struck with a vengeance. I went to stroke his face but something made me freeze a few inches from his cheek. Liv stumbled by the door and I quickly stood up, leaving Aaron to sleep. It felt like I was leaving a part of me in the bedroom. I stepped into the kitchen just as Liv was about to clamber onto the counter to reach her cereal. In my frenzied cleaning, I had rearranged the cupboards and hadn't thought when I had moved the cereal up. 

"Get down, Liv. I'll get it,"

She jumped down with no regard for her socked feet on a freshly polished slippery floor and slouched against the fridge. I pulled down the sugary cereal and grabbed a bowl and spoon for her. As she was leaning against the fridge, I left her to get the milk and threw a few pieces of bread into the toaster. Liv began to slurp at her breakfast, my eye twitched but I didn't reprimand her. What would be the point? She never listened.

"Where's Aaron?" She asked. 

"Sleeping. Have you got plans for today?"

"I'm spending it with Gabby. Before you say anything, yes, I remember your rules. I'll be back by nine,"

I would have hugged her for remembering but I couldn't face another rejection. "Stay safe. I'm going to check on your brother,"

"Hey, whatever's happened is going to be fine. You'll figure it out, you two always do,"

I dashed up the stairs before she could see my doubt. This time, I didn't see a way out. 

....................................................................................................................................

Aaron was just beginning to stir as I peered into our bedroom. He squinted in the light and pinched his eyes shut. I smothered a fond smile, today was a hangover day that usually meant lots of cuddling and greasy food. I just wasn't sure I would be welcomed anymore. Aaron groaned dramatically and pulled my pillow over his eyes. I perched on my side of the bed and one blue eye peeked out at me. 

"There's pill and water on your table. Are you hungry?"

He turned green, "No. What did I drink?"

"Not a clue. Vic says Adam's just as bad though. You brought this on yourself, mate,"

I didn't mean for the word to slip out or for it to sound as acidic as it did. It lingered in the air between us. Aaron's expression turned wary and calculating and I looked away to pick at my jeans. The bed creaked as Aaron sat up, his gaze locked on the back of my head. I knew he wanted me to look at him but I couldn't trust myself. I was angrier than I had realised. It wouldn't take much for me to say something I'd regret. Aaron crowded up behind me, wrapping me in his arms and nudging me between his legs. He smelt of alcohol and smoke and it made something inside me scream out.

"You're mad at me," He said into my shoulder.

"I'm not. It's just, you promised to be home by nine and you weren't,"

"I lost track of time. You should have called me,"

"I didn't want to bother you,"

He squeezed me, "Not possible. I'm sorry Rob,"

I accepted the apology even though I was sure it was said just to placate me. Aaron moved out from behind me, planting a sloppy kiss to my cheek and throwing back the pills. I hung my head and winced as I clenched my fist to tight. Aaron fussed about in front of the mirror, taming those unruly curls that I loved so much. The absence of early morning kisses was expected but excruciating. Tyler had never brought me to my knees like Aaron could. I hated myself for surrendering so easily to him.

"Are you all right? You're quiet, it's not like you. You ain't plotting, are you?"

"What do you mean?"

"To runaway. Vic said you were thinking about it,"

I was taken aback by how easily Aaron tossed it into our conversation. He didn't sound upset by the idea of my absence. He didn't even look away from his hair as he said it.

"Uh...I just said it. I didn't mean it,"

"Mm, I thought so. I just had to check,"

Gaping at him, I couldn't think past the absolute certainty that my marriage was over. We hadn't even made it to our first anniversary. Loveless decades stretched out in front of me because of Tyler. I surged to my feet, starling Aaron by my sudden movement and making him snap around. My chest heaved, my eyes burned and I had never been so lost. Aaron saw and his face fell. He approached me like I was a spooked animal and it made everything a thousand times worse.

"That's it? You hear that your husband is considering leave and you just had to 'check'? What the hell, Aaron?"

He flinched, "It's not like that, Rob. I didn't mean it like that,"

"Were you expecting to turn around years from now and think 'oh, where's Robert? Shame, he was good in bed.'?"

"Robert? What are you talking about?"

"Admit it, you're just waiting for an excuse to shove me out the door. I'm not even worth a phone call anymore,"

"I was with an important client, I couldn't get away. Vic said you understood,"

"I couldn't be more understanding. I've stood aside for days as you chose someone else over me,"

He was furious at me, his jaw was clenched and a muscle was leaping in his neck but he was doing everything possible to reign it in. I didn't want him too. I needed every emotion he had to offer me, even if it was rage.

"I've just been busy. I'm not choosing anyone over you,"

"You sent my sister to babysit me. Why can't you just tell me the truth? Do you want me to leave?" A pause that shattered my heart. "Oh. I'll just go then. Um, goodbye?"

 

My heart was a useless broken mess in my chest as I tore away from the very person who had promised to always love me. I all but ripped the front door from it's hinges, ignoring the voices that called for me or the pain in my damaged hand. I wished I could face them but I would never let them see my tears again. No one would force me out of my home. If I had to leave, I would burn the bridges myself. I burst into the main street, the mid morning sun warming my face but only exaggerating how cold I felt. Chas was putting out the chalkboard menu when she saw me and she was on her guard. Because I was no one to her anymore. Just a forgotten memory. I turned my head at the gleam of red in the distance. Tyler swaggered toward me, the smile I hated on his lips and a confident sway in his hips. Our eyes met and he grinned. With a growl that came from somewhere deep and primal within me, I flew at him. My punch took him by surprise and he sprawled gracelessly on the pavement. 

"What did I ever do to you?" I spat, "All I ever did was love you,"

"What are you going on about, you freak?"

"You've ruined my life! Again. Why?"

He smirked, "Because I can,"

He stood and towered over me but I was to splintered to be afraid. I squared up to him and he almost looked impressed. What did I have left to loose? 

"Go back to London, Tyler. I'll never go back to you,"

"You will," He said, brushing imaginary lint from my shirt, "You'll have no choice,"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not a patient man, Bobby, you know that. But I always get my way one way or the other. Come back with me and your precious family won't suffer. I promise their safety,"

And I considered it. Stood in the middle of the village with a broken marriage behind me and years of abuse in front of me. Each one would destroy me. But what choice did I have? I opened my mouth to speak but hands seized hold of me and span me into warm arms. Aaron's. Bewildered, I froze against him, unable to look at him because his appearance made no sense. He was just about to have his wish come true.

"He's not going anywhere with you!"

"Are you sure? He almost said yes. Trouble in paradise?"

Aaron squeezed me so tight that I squeaked, "That's none of your business. Do one,"

He sauntered away like he had won. Aaron kept his grip on me until he was out of sight and then let go like I had burned him. The hope that had been building up died instantly. He saved me because it was the right thing to do. Not because he loved me. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and scuffed my shoes. 

"Thank you," I mumbled, "I'll get out of your way now,"

"Like hell you will," He kissed me so ferociously that I forgot how to breathe, his fingers dug into my hips. I staggered when he pulled away abruptly, "I don't want you to leave. If you left it would break my heart. I know you don't understand but I need you just to follow my lead,"

"You still want me? We're not getting divorced?"

His mouth fell open and his face paled. My eyes widened as he skipped a breath and almost didn't gather the next one. I pressed the palm of my hand to his chest and he tangled our fingers together.

"NO! God, no!" He cried, "I never meant to make you feel like that. I love you so much,"

I almost believed him.

 


	7. A life for a life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An innocent is harmed and Robert makes a decision that will change everything.

Come morning light.

A life for a life.

Robert Sugden.

 

Aaron kept a steady arm wound around my waist as he nudged me in to the pub. I hesitated at the entrance, seeing Chas' wariness and Cain's indifference. They would never know how much that hurt me. Chas called me family once. But clearly, that had changed the day Aaron's feeling had. And they had changed. Aaron had told me all the right words, everything I wanted to hear but they had never sounded so hollow. I just couldn't understand why he was dragging it out like this. If he wanted rid of me, why didn't he just say? He would have to be the one to do it, I wasn't strong enough. Adam looked my way and the friendly smile that had been on his face faltered. 

I stopped. Breathed. Trembled. 

"Rob?" Aaron asked. 

"I'm going home, Aaron. I'll talk to you later. Enjoy your night," 

I went to shake of his arm but he switched positions to block me from the door. I stared down at him, my forehead furrowed and unease starting to rise. Vic clambered over to the window and peered out, squinting down the street. She shook her head with her lip between her teeth. Aaron's grip on my hand tightened to the point of pain. I shook myself free and paced up to an empty booth. Aaron stayed by the door. He couldn't even sit with me. Tears rose in my throat but I swallowed them back down. Sometimes, it felt like the Dingles could sense weakness. They'd tear out my throat given half the chance. I jammed myself into the corner and huddled in my seat. I let the pub exist around me but couldn't make myself connect with anyone. The world buzzed out of focus. I was on my own, abandoned and about to be tossed out. Tyler was waiting outside for me and Aaron was about to shove me out the door. I needed a plan that didn't involve him. That was a part of me that I didn't venture into anymore. The conniving, egotistical side of me wasn't welcomed unless it served someone else a purpose. But no one understood that it was those qualities that had saved my life. Without them, Tyler would have taken my life and Dad my soul. I had to get it back. I glanced up and the people around me, Chas and Aaron conspiring at the bar, Adam and Vic trying to pretend they weren't watching me and Cain stoically sipping at his beer. I jumped up, all eyes swivelled to me, some with concern others with curiosity. 

"Where are you going?" Aaron asked as I moved to the back. 

"I need to take a piss,"

Aaron nodded, smiled and went back to chatting with Chas. I bypassed the toilet and quietly eased the back door open. Outside, I breathed the late morning air and squared my shoulders. I didn't stand a chance against Tyler but I would take him down with me. Nobody would hurt Aaron or his family because of me. I had to find a way to end it. 

"Think about what you're about to do, Sugden," Cain said. 

I stiffened, "What?"

Cain walked around in front of me, sceptical eyebrow raised and arms crossed over his chest. One look made me feel like a scolded child and I fought the urge to look away. He leant against the wall, not to subtly barring my way. I gritted my teeth.

"I've seen that look before. It's not the wounded one Chas keeps going on about. It's the look of a man about to go to war. Is it worth it?"

"You're really going to ask me that? Shouldn't you be pleased? I'm about to do everyone a favour,"

"Aaron will never recover if something were to happen to you. You know that,"

I flinched and glared at the older man. He smirked. Didn't he know? Aaron would survive and thrive because that's who he was. A supernova that would never burn out. What good were the shadows I was made of?

"He'll be fine. Is that everything?"

Cain snorted and turned his head back toward the bar, "I should get Aaron out here, let him know that you're planning something. But I won't if you tell me what you're planning,"

Suspicious, I narrowed my eyes, "Why do you care?"

"You're the man my nephew loves. And besides that, it wasn't right what happened to you. I don't want to see you make a mistake that gets you killed,"

The silence hung between us as I turned my back on Cain and stuffed my hands into my pockets. 

"I've got this handled, Cain. Drop it,"

He took that as an invitation and had me pinned to the wall by my shoulders in a heart beat. My head smacked back against the bricks and I grunted, my hands flying up to grip at Cain's wrists. He matched Aaron's strength and no matter how I bucked, I couldn't move him. He pressed his forearm against my neck with just enough pressure to be uncomfortable. I hit out at him but only ended up with my arm caught against the wall. He didn't even look winded by my efforts, that eyebrow still raised and a scowl fixed on his lips.

"Get off me," I snarled.

He put a little more weight on my neck, "Make me,"

"I'm serious. Stop it,"

"How can you expect to fight Tyler and win, if you can't defend yourself against me? C'mon, Sugden, show me what you're made off,"

And I tried. With everything in me I tried to push him away. I kicked out at his ankles but he somehow immobilised them. I tried to headbutt him but only ended up almost choking myself. Cain didn't look angry or disappointed in me, instead he started to look concerned. 

"You think I don't know that I can't win?" I snarled, "Tyler knocked me around for almost three years. I know exactly what he can do,"

"Robert, lo-,"

"NO! I'm the only one here who knows how to deal with him. I need to strike now, before he can do anything. For God's sake, Cain, let go!"

Of course, he didn't. His grip stayed restraining and it made a blinding rage overtake my mind. Why couldn't he understand? Tyler was alone and Aaron had roughed him up. I had to stop him before he could regroup. Because now he would be ruthless. I had disobeyed and denied him. The destruction that he would bring would be unimaginable. I let out a furious snarl that didn't even sound human and barred my teeth at Cain. 

"I can't do that, mate. Aaron would never forgive me,"

"He doesn't have to know. Don't you get it? I'm trying to protect him,"

The door opened and without even looking I knew who it was. I let my head fall back against the wall and closed my eyes. The gravel crunched underneath Aaron's shoes. 

"Let him go, Cain. I think he gets it,"

The pressure was relieved and I thought about running but sensed Cain still hovering close by. I wouldn't outrun both of them. Aaron brushed his thumb against my jaw and sighed. He cuddled up to me and his weight was achingly comforting. I let him nuzzle under my chin and cling to me like I was the only thing keeping him afloat. I kept my eyes shut and my arms limp at my sides. Aaron was quiet against me, his breaths just a touch to steady.

"Did Cain hurt you?" He finally asked.

I shook my head, "No,"

"Good,"

I opened my eyes to meet Cain's, "He was proving your point, wasn't he? That I'm not strong enough to stop Tyler,"

Aaron slapped my arm and stared up at me with wet eyes, "We're trying to show you that you can't run of with half a plan. It'll get you in trouble. I can't loose you like that, you muppet!"

"You confuse me so much, Aaron,"

He stretched up on his toes and kissed me gently, lingering when it took me a few seconds to respond.

"Do you trust me?"

"Always,"

"Then trust me when I say I've got this. I've got you,"

"OK,"

Because my trust for him had never been in doubt. Only his ability to love me again.

...............................................................................

 

I stepped out into the afternoon sun, clutching a grocery bag to my chest and blinking at my phone screen. The past few days had overwhelmed me and I had slipped behind at work. Not a lot but enough to make people irritated. I skimmed over Nicola's text and clicked my tongue. When wasn't she mad at me? It was the only emotion I seemed to bring out in people lately. Aaron had stayed at the Mill, to exasperated by my whiplash emotions to spend much time with me. So, I escaped under the premise of getting the ingredients for a homemade lasagne. Aaron could always be pacified by food. The village was strangely busy for a Wednesday and I waved at Vic across the street. 

"Lunch tomorrow, Vic? My treat," I called. 

She gave me a blinding smile and double thumbs up. Adam appeared beside her and that unsettled feeling rushed back with a vengeance. This time, Adam didn't look confrontational, if anything he seemed to feel guilty. I rolled my eyes, bewildered by everyone in my life and turned to walk back home. When had my life gotten so complicated? I held the bag up higher, fumbling for my phone as Aaron's personal ringtone rang. 

"Hey," I greeted.

"Did you get chocolate? I'm dying for some,"

I laughed, "Yeah, the one with popping candy in it. And beer as well,"

I sensed his grin, "You're fantastic!"

"Don't you forget it. I'll be home in a few and I-,"

"ROBERT MOVE!"

Liv's terrified voice made me snap around and then freeze in pure shock. A large silver car flew toward me, mounting the pavement to ensure that I would be struck. There was only one person who hated me enough to run me down in broad daylight. Tyler. I dropped my shopping, sending cans rolling down the street and flung my arms up. But just as the car was about to slam into me, something smaller and softer did and it knocked me to the ground. A screamed echoed around the village and it wasn't mine. It was Gabby's. My ears rang and my vision swayed in and out of focus. The left knee of my jeans felt wet and my wrist throbbed. I blinked up at a cloud as sound came rushing back. 

Aaron on the phone.

                                Vic screaming.

                                                         Gabby pleading.

                                                                                    Chas shouting.

"LIV! LIV!" Gabby shrieked, "Is she breathing?"

Why wouldn't she be? She hadn't been anywhere near me or Tyler's car. But then I felt the dead weight across my legs that was warm enough to be human. I pushed myself up to my elbows and cried out. Liv lay pale and silent, her eyes closed and her forehead bloodied. I didn't even think my heart was beating as I cradled her broken little body against my chest. She was all I could see. My Liv. I pressed trembling fingers against her neck and wilted at the erratic beat I could feel. She was a fighter. She had to be. I didn't know what I'd do without her. 

"C'mon, Liv. Open your eyes, it's ok. I've got you,"

Silence. 

"Why'd you push me out of the way? Now, I owe you. I don't like that,"

Silence. 

"Please?"

Nothing.

"Wake up and I'll take you to Disney Land. We'll make Aaron dress up as Goofy,"

There was nothing but her soft breath against my face. I buried my face in her shoulder, careful not to hurt her but convinced that she knew I was with her. She might be frightened if I let her go. Liv hated being on her own. Chas crouched down next to me, her face bone white and eyes wide, her chest heaving. The first signs of panic were beginning to build up in her eyes, I wanted to reach out and shake her. That was the last thing we needed but she caught herself and checked Liv's pulse again. I found myself staring beseechingly at my mother-in-law, begging her to fix what I couldn't. She'd done it for Aaron so many times before, surely, she could do this one thing for me. 

"Chas?" I whimpered. "Tyler-he-I didn't see it,"

"Easy, Rob, Vic's called an ambulance. It's coming," She soothed.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, I swear,"

I wished she would just look at me, tell me that she understood but I got nothing. A salty tear dribbled into my mouth and I swiped my hand over my eyes, wincing as it hurt. Sprained but not broken. Nothing I couldn't handle. Liv's head was still bleeding sluggishly and I pressed the sleeve of my favourite shirt against the gash. Her face screwed up and she moaned, Chas comforted her with pretty words and butterfly touches. 

"Where's the ambulance?" Gabby wailed.

There was nothing I could say to comfort the traumatised teenager and I saw Vic comfort her. 

"It's coming, sweetie," Vic cooed. 

But it couldn't come soon enough. Liv was hurting and it wasn't here. In that moment, I would have traded anything, spent every single day with Tyler to heal her. My psychotic ex boyfriend had well and truly won. There was no coming back from this for either of us. I swept Liv's hair away from her eyes and pressed a tender, loving kiss to her forehead.

She moved.

I rocked back to peer down into her hazy, unfocused eyes that couldn't quite find my face. But she saw me and reached out for me, tangling weak fingers in my shirt. It was wrong. Liv was never weak and she was never still. 

"...Rob...,"

"Liv, hey, ssh, you're ok. The ambulance will be here soon and we'll get you fixed up. I've got you,"

She blinked sluggishly, "...hurt...,"

A lead weight dragged my stomach down. How could I let this happen to her?

"I-I know but you're gonna be fine. We're going to look after you,"

Because I would. I'd treat her better than anyone, spoil her like she deserved until she got fed up and even then I wouldn't stop. She had stood by me time and time again and now I could repay her. The loud, brash runaway who had become another little sister. My legs were numb underneath her weight and the world was greying a little at the edges but nothing would have made move her. An ambulance arrived in a mess of flashing lights and wailing sirens. A female paramedic sprinted toward us, her partner trailing weighed down by his equipment. She smiled at me but her attention was on Liv. 

"Hello sweetie, I'm Lucy. What's your name?"

"...Liv,"

She shone a penlight into Liv's eyes, "Good. Can you remember what happened?"

"Car...saving this...idiot,"

Lucy laughed and spared me a fleeting glance, "And does this idiot have a name?"

"Robert. He's...special...,"

"I bet he is. Looks like we're gonna need a trip to the hospital, Liv. All right with you?"

Liv tried to shrug but whimpered instead. I surrendered her to the paramedics and watched them strap her to a gurney and wheel her into the back of the ambulance. People fussed around the vehicle, murmuring words of sympathy and concern but I barely heard them. A white noise was beginning to set in and it swept me up. I tried to stand but couldn't find the world underneath me. Why did I hurt?

"Whoa, mate!" Hands stopped my sudden descent backward, "Hey, I need some help here!"

Lucy came back, that carefully practised smile still on her lips. I hated it. I opened my mouth to tell her so but groaned instead. Lucy palpitated my wrist and poked at my face. I tried to shove her away with one hand but like every other time the last few days, I was weak and she barely moved. I hated her. 

"You're a bit banged up, Robert. I want to take you to the hospital as well. Just to check,"

I shook my head and swallowed back a mouthful of bile, "Liv,"

"She's waiting for you. On three, I'm going to help you stand up, ok? One. Two. Three,"

The pavement swayed underneath me but two hands closed around my arms and marched me to the ambulance. Liv was asleep with an oxygen mask strapped over her face and the unnamed male paramedic fiddling with a machine above her. Lucy lowered me down carefully into a fold down chair. I wanted to hold Liv's hand, to let her know that I was still here but was afraid of being in the way. I could accidentally nudge a wire and kill her. I sat on my hands instead and ignored the pain. It was nothing after all.

"Robert," Chas said. I turned my head to her, "We'll meet you at the hospital,"

That was a threat if I ever heard one.

..................................................................................................................

I found myself perched on a crinkly hospital bed, a splint on my sprained wrist and stitches in my cheek. The cuts on my leg were superficial and my head was just as thick as everyone always said it was. The doctor handed me a prescription and a list of rules to follow that I would inevitably forget this time tomorrow. 

"Mr Sudgen, are you listening to me?" My long suffering doctor asked, "This is important,"

I snapped back into focus, "Yes, of course. How's Liv?"

I had asked him this going on five times by now and each time he answered patiently, "I'm not her physician so I'm not sure. Give me a few moments to discharge you and then you can go and find her, deal?"

"Deal,"

He left the room and the silence almost drove me from the bed. Liv had been in so much pain and I had left her alone. It hadn't been my choice but I couldn't help but feel guilty. Tyler had tried to kill me. Liv should never have been there. I didn't mean for her to get caught in the crossfire. The curtains moved again and Vic entered my tiny ward. She looked tired, concerned and withdrawn. I scrambled forward, wincing as I moved to fast. Vic intercepted my movement and pushed me back down onto the bed. I wasn't prepared for the bone crushing hug she wrapped me in. I embraced her back and buried my face in her shoulder. 

"I was so worried," She mumbled. 

"I'm ok. How's Liv?"

Vic pulled back and ghosted her fingers over my stitched up face, "The doctor's think she'll be fine. She's got a concussion and a broken leg but all thing's considered, she's been lucky,"

I sobbed into my good hand, Vic rubbed my back, "Oh thank God. Has anyone called Aaron?"

"He..uh...he heard everything. You were still on the phone when the car hit you. He's with Liv, they told us you were about to be discharged,"

My eyes flew open and I fought to get my feet underneath me. How would Aaron cope with that? Hearing the exact moment that Liv had been run over and knowing he couldn't help? He must have been so frightened and I hadn't even bothered to answer the phone. Vic tried to force me back down but gave up after I glared at her. I disregarded my doctor's orders and stumbled down the corridor, an unknown destination in mind. Vic gave an exasperated sigh and followed after me, steadying me when I nearly careened into a wall.

"They're this way. Aaron's upset, Rob, don't listen to anything he says," She cautioned.

But I would brave his wrath a thousand times, if it meant that I could see Liv, healthy and breathing. Vic directed me into a ward larger than the one I had been in and made me wait while she opened the curtain and closed it behind her. There were sudden frenzied whispering on the other side, some were angry and some were pleading. Were they deciding my fate? The countdown was over and the judgement had been called. 

I had lost. 

The curtains opened and I faced the end with all the courage and pride I had left. Aaron stepped out to meet me, his eyes red and his face streaked with tears. An endless well of pain, anger and disbelief was in those eyes. Today would be the last time it would be because of me. He made no move to approach me. The comfort and love that I was longing for wouldn't be offered to me again. Aaron started to say something but I held up my hand to stall him.

"Just let me see her," I begged, "Please,"

Aaron relented and stepped aside to let me in. I felt like a man heading for the gallows. The eyes of a family that wasn't mine anymore burned into me. Liv lay small and bruised on a bed that dwarfed her. The gash on her forehead had a blooming purple bruise around it that disappeared into her hairline. A cast that she would complain about the second she woke up encased her right leg. I went to touch her but hesitated, suddenly afraid that my touch would hurt her further. 

How had I let this happen?

Why hadn't I acted earlier?

I clenched my fists and bit back on the sob that clawed up my throat, "I'm sorry,"

"You should be," Chas snapped, "This is because of you. Just more drama you've dragged my family into,"

"I didn't mean to. You've got to believe me. I had no idea he'd do this,"

"But you should have done. You lived with the man. It's your fault that he's here,"

I was clinging to my composure by my fingertips but Chas was on a roll, drunk on protective love for her family. I was an outsider now. I had become a threat.

"I didn't call him here. It's a coincidence. It's not my fault,"

She gestured toward the bed, "Look at her, Robert! Your inability to deal with relationships like an adult almost killed Liv,"

"Chas, please. I'm sorry,"

And she laughed at me, cruel and mocking. I stared up at the woman who had become another mother to me with tears in my eyes. She didn't care. Cain glared at me and Vic looked everywhere but at her big brother. Only Adam met my eyes and he looked vaguely sympathetic. I couldn't bring myself to see the hatred on my husband's face. 

"But what did I expect? Destruction follows you around, Robert,"  _no, don't say it, please don't say it, stop it, stopstopstopstopstopstop_ "You ruin everything you touch. You're poison!"

No.

No. No. No. No. I wasn't.

                                                                                      Was I? 

                                                                                                                                  I tried to be good. Be better. Be perfect. 

              It wasn't enough. It was never enough. 

I stared opened mouth, my heart dust at my feet and tears streaming down my face. No one came to comfort me. No one cared. 

"I...I...no,"

Then came a voice that ripped me in two and killed what little soul I had left. 

"I think you should go, Robert," Aaron said softly.

Over.

It was over.

All I had worked so hard for...gone...

Aaron was sending me away when he had promised me that he never would. He told me I would always have a home with him. But that was only while I was safe. I turned to him and tried to find the kind, loving man that I had married in him but only saw a stranger. Where had my Aaron gone? Could I go to the same place as him? Please?

"I want to stay," I whimpered. "I won't get in the way,"

"We don't want you here, Rob," The world fell down around me, broken, splintered, gone, dust. "I'm so glad you're safe but I can't look at you right now. Just go,"

I did. I took to my heels before he could carve me into anymore pieces. I weaved through mourners, victims and loved ones come to say goodbye. Almost blinded by my tears, I stumbled out into the evening air and stared around me. I had to leave, run, never come back.

I'm sorry. I'm just so, so sorry. 

I sensed him behind me before he touched me. His cold hard hand rested on the back of my neck and gave a possessive squeeze. I had fallen head first into his trap. Any semblance of control I had felt was because he let me. I had runaway from him once but we had come full circle. I couldn't escape. I was only ever his.

"Are you ready to come home now, Bobby?" 

To anyone passing, it sounded like a loving question but I knew better. Agreeing would be suicide but what else could I do? He would kill Aaron without a thought.

"Yes. Just don't hurt them anymore,"

Tyler pulled me into his arms, his fingers playing with the strands of my hair and his lips at my temple. I swallowed back my sobs, there would be no more tears from me. This was for Aaron. For the people I would always love. There was a piece of me that Tyler would never have. He could take my freedom, my body and my life. But he would never own my heart.

"I've missed you," He purred. 

"I've missed you too," I answered because I knew the script inside out, "Thank you for finding me,"

His kiss was scorching and he opened the door to the same car that he had hit Liv with. Obediently, I got into the passenger seat and strapped myself in. Tyler made sure that the doors were locked before he moved to the driver's side. He slipped in next to me and squeezed my injured wrist. I refused to flinch. 

He held his hand out, "Phone,"

I gave it to him, resigned and silent. He tore out the battery, snapped the sim card and threw it out the window. It bounced and disppeared into the gutter.

"So, what do you think about America? I've got my eye on a lovely apartment in New York,"

Awful.

"Wonderful,"

He started the car and eased out of the hospital car park. I glanced up into the rear view mirror and saw Adam standing beneath the streetlight. My name was on his lips. I closed my life and settled into an old hell. 

 For Aaron it was worth it.

                                                         _I, Robert Jacob Sugden, take you, Aaron Dingle to be my wedded husband._

_I promise to be faithful, to put you first, to make you happy, to keep trying to be better for you because you deserve it._

_I love you._


	8. Boulevard of broken promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron realises what his secrets have allowed to happen.

Come morning light.

Boulevard of broken promises. 

Aaron Dingle.

 

_"Just go,"_

He did. When hadn't Robert done what I told him to? I watched from the threshold of the ward as he sprinted down the hallway and almost collided with a boy in a wheelchair. I gripped onto the door frame to stop me from going after him. Everything in me screamed to follow him, to hold him and apologise. It wasn't his fault. It had never been his fault.

_Baby, I'm so sorry. I'll explain everything to you._

I made no attempt to stop the tears that fell or the gut wrenching sob that escaped my lips. How had we come to this? There was nothing I could do but to deny my husband the comfort he so desperately needed. The car had been for him. I had nearly lost him today and I couldn't touch him. I ached to. The moment he showed up with stitches in his face and a terrified pleading to his voice. All I had wanted to do was to scoop him up, make him understand. It wasn't my choice. I didn't want to hurt him like that. The look on his face would haunt me in my sleep and hound me in my waking moments. I had done what Tyler never could, I had broken him. I could see it in his eyes, his shattered heart and shredded spirit. I had just wanted to protect him. 

What would become of us now?

"Aaron?" Adam said. 

His hand fell onto my shoulder and I slowly turned around to face my best friend. He was just as guilty as me. All our planning had been for nothing. Tyler had still won. I pressed a trembling hand to my lips and Adam's face twisted in sympathy and sadness. He cared for Robert too. We all did. Mum sniffled in the corner of the room, her back turned to us but she couldn't hide her sorrow. Her remorse.

"What have we done, Adam?" I breathed. "Oh, God,"

Adam clasped the back of my neck, "We had no other choice. We didn't know it would come to this,"

"Did you see his face? He was crying. I did that. How could I?"

I had made him run. Casually broke all the promises I ever made him. Even if it was to keep him safe, he wouldn't see it that way. The trust he had in me was gone. My marriage had been another casualty of Tyler's twisted obsession. I couldn't quite get a handle on my breathing and I stuttered over the next two inhales. Adam grasped the front of my hoodie, his eyes frantic and bright. I clutched at his wrists, trembling and sobbing bitterly. Screaming at the cruelty of the world. All I wanted was my family. I couldn't even have that. Robert. My beautiful Robert. 

Come back. I didn't mean it. Please. He made me do it.

"Calm down, Aaron!" Adam snapped, shaking me hard enough to make my teeth rattle.

I managed to find myself again and gave Adam a grateful pat. Vic uncurled herself from Liv's beside and paced to the window, peering out onto the street below, her forehead suddenly furrowed. The weight of the world had brought her small shoulders down. She looked older. She turned to me with wide, wet eyes that blazed with concern.

"Do you think he went to the waiting room?" She asked.

"What?" Cain said.

"Robert. Where did he go? Tyler's still out there and we just sent Robert away,"

And just like that, I realised the mistake I had made. Tyler had played me like a puppet on strings. Used me to strip down Robert's spirit so that he could sweep in and steal him away. We let it happen. The blood in my veins turned to ice and the world flickered out of focus. I flew toward the door, only to find Cain's hand wrapped around my wrist with a force I couldn't break.

"We have to find him! Tyler's gonna kill him!"

Cain pinned me to his chest, his arms a vice around me. I kicked back at his shins and he grunted but didn't let go. Adam and Vic bolted by me and split up at a fork in the corridor, calling for Robert as they went. My uncle wrestled me to the chair beside the bed and held me there as I thrashed against him.

"Let go. I have to find him. Get the hell off me,"

"You can't go out there. Tyler can't see you with Robert anymore. You know that,"

I stared up at him through blurry eyes. Cain didn't understand my panic, my terror. I could barely think past the whirlwind emotions inside me. Robert never dealt well being on his own, his family was his everything. If he thought he had lost us, he wouldn't fight. He would give up and allow Tyler to abuse him. Cain and Robert weren't as close as I wanted them to be but I could see the fear painted on his face. Mum crouched at my side, black tears of mascara streaking down her cheeks and her lipstick bled across her mouth. She had fought me so hard when she had discovered Tyler's demands. Why hadn't I listened to her? 

"I should slap you for making me do that to him. He didn't deserve it,"

"I know that! But I couldn't let Tyler do that to him. Robert wouldn't survive jail,"

Robert was the strongest man I knew but prison had a way of turning strength into weakness. Maybe it was selfish of me but I couldn't handle seeing Robert in an orange jumpsuit. To see the soft, kind man that I worshipped hardened by life on the inside would kill both me and Liv. I reached out my hand and threaded my fingers through Liv's still ones. Mum still chose to smack me around the head but it wasn't as hard as I deserved. She chased the pain away with a single kiss to my forehead.

"It wouldn't have come to that. We'd have found a way to keep him out,"

I wished I had her optimism. Robert had escaped the law by the skin of his teeth once before. Something told me that Tyler would go all the way. Who said a mad man's motives made sense? I didn't know what he had on Robert but it must be something big. Vic stepped back into the room, shaking her head and my stomach sank a bit further. 

"The nurses haven't seen him. He didn't go to the waiting room,"

That meant he was outside, alone and upset with a monster breathing down his neck. It would be dark soon and I had his jacket and house keys. But he wouldn't go home. Soon the streak in him that I had tried to curb would kick in. He would run, go deep undercover and I would never see him again. I would spend the rest of my life searching for him. He would become the phantom in the hallway, the empty seat at the table and the gaping wound in me. I fumbled for my phone, pulling it out of my pocket just as Adam sprinted toward me. One look at him had me freezing in my seat. He was wild and terrified.

No...

"Tyler's got him!"

Please, no.

This time, no one stopped me and I had never run so fast in my life. I threw open the doors and peered around the dark car park, spinning around and around. They weren't here. Where was he? No, oh God, no. I stepped of the pavement and something crunched underneath my heel. Robert's phone. I scooped it up from the gutter, thumbing over the cracked screen. A ringing phone made me jump and I peered at the dead phone before realising it was mine. I accepted the unknown caller without a second thought.

"Rob?"

"Not exactly," Tyler said smugly, "I just wanted to say goodbye. Thanks for keeping him warm for me,"

"Let him go, please, I'll do anything. Don't hurt him again,"

I heard a car rumble on the other end of the phone and a mumbled voice. Robert. I could only imagine what he was feeling, sat next to the man who had tormented him, helpless. Thinking he was abandoned. He wasn't. He was so, so loved. Tyler laughed, the cruel and mocking laughter of a champion. 

"He's mine,"

He hung up on me and wouldn't answer my calls when I tried to dial him back. I brought my hands up to my face and howled out my broken heart. Forgive me. I was just trying to help.

                 

                      _I, Aaron Dingle, take you, Robert Jacob Sugden, to be my wedded husband._

_I never thought I'd have this with anyone, I never thought I'd have this with you and now I've gone and messed it all up._

_I promise to be better as well, to trust you, to never let you down ever again._

_I promise I'm going to be the best husband I can be._

_You know?_

............................................................................................................

 

I stood in the doorway of the Mill, my hand trembling around the handle and those ever present tears back again. I didn't recognise the apartment I stood in. Could it really be ours? Someone hellbent on revenge had steamed rolled through our home. The cushions were slashed, the TV screen broken and the chairs and table splintered into kindling. It had to be Tyler. He had violated our safe haven. What had he wanted? Dazedly, I wandered into the remains of the living room, glass crunched underfoot. Family photos were torn up and thrown around the room. I picked up the nearest one, a photograph of Robert and Vic smiling at the camera with a heavy heart. It had almost been two down the centre, the split nearly tearing the siblings apart. But that had already been done. Vic's scream of pure grief had been heart wrenching. She had refused to look at me and shaken of my comforting hand. I didn't blame her.

"Rob? Robert are you here? Please, answer me!"

I knew he wouldn't. Tyler would have him stashed away by now, maybe on the other side of the country. My favourite mug proclaiming, 'World's Best Husband!' lay shattered by the coffee table. I didn't want to see the damage done upstairs but couldn't stop my feet from moving. Liv's room had remained remarkably untouched. Our bedroom had been Tyler's goal. The door was closed and I took a deep fortifying breath before flinging it open. I cried out in wordless dismay at the shell of the room. Everything was ruined. The bed sheets, Robert's comic collection, the wardrobe, all wrecked by a rage I couldn't understand. But Robert did. He had tried to warn me.

Oh, baby, my husband I take it back. All of it. Come home?

Then I looked at the bed and felt the last little bit of hope I had in me die. Laying amongst the mess was our wedding photograph, the glass missing and a huge black squiggle over my face. We had been so happy that day. Look at us now. I crawled up onto the bed, to the last place I had held Robert and picked up the frame. Scrawled across the bottom was one last message to me from the man who had destroyed everything.

**I win.**

I lost. All my scheming and obedience had been for nothing. Tyler still got what he wanted. Robert isolated from his family. I clutched the photograph to my chest, uncaring of the shards that pocket my skin. What do I do now? I had to rescue Robert but I didn't know where he was. I stilled, Robert was smart, to clever for his own good sometimes. Tyler would have had to break in after he hit Liv and from what he had gathered, he had waited outside the hospital for Robert. That meant he would have brought Robert here, into the Mill. If he left Robert outside in the car, he ran the risk of Robert calling for help. Robert had been inside the Mill at some point. He could have left me a clue. It was a long shot, he might not have even be conscious but I had to look. I prayed with everything in me, that this once, Robert could remember the man he used to be. The crafty, smug twat that was a schemer at his core. I stood up, a new purpose igniting fire in my bones and cast a critical eye around the room. The drawer in which we kept important documents had been opened and I hurried to it, moving papers aside as my heart raced. His passport was gone and mine was ripped in two. They were heading for an airport then, Gatwick was closer and they had a few hours head start on me. Where were they going? I contemplated calling Adam and telling him to get there but new he needed more information. A quick search of the rest of the bedroom offered me no further clues and so I started to head out the door. But a smear of black on the en suite mirror caught my attention. It was in the same marker pen used on the photograph and it gave me the break I so desperately needed.

**NEW YORK. 5:00 AM.**

"YES, Rob!"

Always with a trick up his sleeve. He still believed in me. My genius man. I dialled the first number I could and Mum picked up.

"Aaron?"

"Mum! We need to get to Gatwick. I think Tyler's trying to take Robert out of the country,"

There were frantic mumbles from their side as I picked up my wallet from the mess.

"Adam's on his way back to the village, he should be there any minute. Take him with you. Call me when you-Liv-what?!"

"You have no idea how much I hate you right now!" Liv growled down the phone. The relief at hearing her speak made my knees go weak, "What the hell were you thinking? You should never ever have agreed to do it. How could you? Do you have any idea how much Rob was hurting?"

I finally succeed in getting into my car, "I thought it was the best thing to do. Liv, I'm sorry,"

"I never thought I'd have to protect him from you, Aaron. Save him and then make it up to him,"

I winced and swallowed hard, "I will. I'll bring him home,"

"If we loose him, I'll never forgive you,"

If that happened, I would never forgive myself.

Adam's car rumbled into the Mill and I threw open the passenger side door, "Get in! We have to get to Gatwick,"

He clambered in, panting, "Why?"

"They're going to New York,"

...........................................................................................

I didn't bother to park my car, just left it crooked and risked the inevitable parking ticket. I was out of the car before I had even turned off the engine properly. If Adam tried to follow the rules and park in the designated area I didn't care. Moments later, he was at my side, barging through holiday makers and into the airport. It was thick with people, screaming children and luggage. I couldn't see Robert or Tyler anywhere. I craned my neck up and stretched on my toes. Adam jumped up onto a nearby seat and squinted. 

"I can't see them,"

I stood up on the bench opposite him and cupped my hands around my mouth, "ROBERT! ROBERT SUGDEN!"

Adam mirrored me and soon the pair of us were screaming for Robert in the middle of a heaving airport. People gave us irritated or confused glances but we didn't care. He had to be here. We couldn't have missed them. If they got to New York then they could go anywhere. We were attracting the attention of the security guards and the closed in on us. 

"Tell them," Adam said, "Maybe they can help,"

I nodded and darted toward the nearest one. He was young, a little older than me and with a kind face that frowned as he saw my panic and my tears. I reached him in a mess of tumbled words and half formed sentences.

"Whoa, whoa, mate. I can't understand you. What's wrong?"

"My husband's been kidnapped and I think they're coming here. Please, help me,"

He took a moment to decide if he really believed me but he eventually did. He spoke a quick message into his radio and dragged me to a quieter corner. Adam continued to scream for Robert, spinning around on the spot to take in every angle.

"I'm going to guess that your husband's name is Robert Sugden. Do you have a picture of him?"

"Only one on my phone,"

"Show me,"

I did. The guard radioed Robert's description and then asked after Tyler. I gave him the best information I could, red hair, green eyes, tall, probably with a death grip on Robert. There was a bustle from the guard a level up and he turned into the crowd.

"I think they're heading for New York,"

"All right," He put a comforting hand on my shoulder, "Hey, everything's going to be fine. If he's still here then we'll find him,"

"And if not?"

"We'll let America Airlines know and they'll get to him. Give me your phone number and I'll start looking on this floor,"

We parted ways and I returned to Adam with a shrug, it wasn't an answer but it was a start. Adam looked just as helpless as I felt and I peered into the faces of strangers. Wishing, praying, bartering for a glimpse of blonde hair and gorgeous eyes. I'd pay any price to have him back in my arms. I'd go back to jail. Spend another night with Gordon. I could do anything with him beside me. I clambered back up to my chair.

"ROBERT!"

I nearly slipped off my chair as my mobile rang again and I answered it without looking, still scanning people. I don't ask for much. Just him.

"Yes?"

"Aaron! I can hear you, you're really here,"

I spun around to face Adam, eyes wide, heart racing, "Rob! I'm here, where are you?"

Adam motioned the security guard over and we all waited with bated breaths. Robert was whispering like he was afraid Tyler could hear him and that terrified me. I pressed the phone closer to my ear, still glancing around.

"I'm by a Costa. I'm using the payphone next to it. Tyler's in the bathroom, he'll be back any second," I rattled it off to the security guard, hope building in me. I could do this. I could save him. The fear in his voice nearly undid me. "I'm not sure I can get away,"

A swarm of guards were ascending the stairs, Adam and I followed them, barely half a step behind them. I jumped over a fallen suitcase and winced as another one collided with my legs. Robert's breaths turned frantic and I thought I heard him whimper. Be brave, Rob. This once, let me be the one to save him.

"I need you to hide Robert. Find a busy shop. We're coming for you,"

"OK," He sniffed, "There's a WHSmiths opposite,"

"Go. I'll find you,"

He hung up. Even though my heart was in my mouth, I couldn't help but smile. Robert always found a way. When I finally got my hands on him again, I was never going to let him go. Tyler wouldn't separate us again.


	9. Renegade runaway.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert continues to spiral and Aaron is to late to reach him. In the end, a deadly decision is reached.

Come morning light.

Renegade runaway.

Robert Sugden.

 

"This is nice, isn't it? Just you and me again. The house is stunning, Rob, very to your taste. With the money I make from my new job, you won't ever have to work. How does that sound?" Tyler rambled. 

It sounded like a threat and a promise rolled into one. The second he got me in through the front door, he would triple lock it and throw away the key. I'd only ever see the sun through the windows when I had been good. He was waiting impatiently for my answer, I left it a second to slow and he squeeze my sprained wrist sharply. I swallowed back a yelp and turned to him with a brittle smile.

"It sounds lovely bit I wouldn't mind getting a job, you know. Something small, in a shop, maybe?"

Tyler picked up my hand and pressed a possessive kiss to my knuckles, I clamped down on a shudder, "Don't be silly. These hands weren't made to work,"

I read the warning in his eyes and in the arm that snaked around my waist. I had to be smarter than before to survive. I couldn't rely on Aaron or the Dingles to help me. So I agreed and let Tyler arrange me against his side. He pressed against my bruised ribs, a reminder of exactly what he was capable of. As if I could forget. This entire mess was because I didn't know how to leave the past alone. A security guard strolled by, I wanted to call to him but Tyler pinched my hip and I stilled like a scolded child. I had never hated myself more. Tyler forced me back into the role I had played almost a decade ago. A frightened, broken, battered man who was scared of his own shadow. It had been a long road of tears, blood, lies and even a marriage to find myself again. Aaron had seen through the facade to the person beneath but I had saved myself first. Caged under Tyler's arm, I plotted and I planned to escape. He couldn't watch me all the time. As I sat, I was aware that he was doing an uncomfortable shuffle on his seat, grimacing and glancing around the lobby. I knew that dance. 

"There's a loo over there," I said, playing the victim by refusing to raise my head and pointing instead, "I'll wait here for you,"

A few agonising seconds passed and I could almost hear the gears turning in his head. I almost jumped out of my skin when he seized my jaw and forced my face up to his. The fright and hesitancy in my eyes wasn't fake. The force of his kiss made me arch back into my chair, trying to subtly back away without setting him off. He was always so insulted when I refused his affections. It didn't matter if I didn't want it.

"You'd better be here when I get back or else," 

He didn't need to leave the threat hanging, I heard it loud and clear. He knew where my husband lived and he would hesitate to hurt him. But I couldn't stay. I had to fight. Maybe I couldn't repair my relationship with Aaron but I wouldn't leave him alone at the hands of a mad man. Tyler swaggered into the bathroom and I leaped to my feet, my heart in my mouth. I had no phone, no car and no cash but I had my wit. 

"ROBERT!"

I startled so badly that I bumped into an elderly lady who clicked her teeth at me. Was that...Aaron? Would he really come after me? I thought...I thought he didn't want me anymore. I strained to hear his voice again, half convinced that I was losing my mind.

"ROBERT SUGDEN!"

Adam was here too? 

I didn't understand it but seized the chance to alert my husband. He could have been anywhere in the airport, I couldn't risk running blindly away and Tyler catching up to me. Across the lobby was three dusty payphone and I lunged for them, scrambling around in my pockets and finding a few pound coins. I chose the one where I could stretch the cord and hide around a corner, able to see the bathroom but to be out of sight. 

"ROBERT!"

My fingers shook as I dialled one of the few numbers I knew from heart. It barely rang twice before he picked it up, sounding frightened and tearful.

"Yes?"

Oh God, he came. I doubted him.

"Aaron! I can hear you, you're really here,"

He gasped, "Rob! I'm here, where are you?"

I hesitated. Did I risk rejection or accept that there may have been another reason for Aaron's words? I was furious with how he had treated me, angrier than I had ever been with him but I still loved him. Still needed him like the air I breathed.

"I'm by a Costa. I'm using the payphone next to it. Tyler's in the bathroom, he'll be back any second. I don't think I can get away,"

And I tried so hard to be brave like he wanted me to be. But then I saw Tyler exit the bathroom and my end was etched into his eyes. I had disobeyed and my punishment would be long, painful and full of bloodshed. I pressed myself against the wall, my heart tapping out a rhythm in my chest that must have been dangerous. Tyler stared directly at our abandoned seats with a scowl on his face and then stomped into the crowd. I knew he would linger and lurk, waiting to catch me defenceless. 

"I need you to hide, Robert. Find a busy shop. We're coming for you,"

Even though he couldn't see me, I nodded and sniffed, "OK. There's a WHSmiths opposite,"

"Go. I'll find you,"

I had so many words to say to him but couldn't find them. So I hung up and sprinted into the shop, alert and wary. I must have looked a sight as I clattered in and dove into the crisp aisle. Two young teenage shop assistants blinked at me but turned back to their gossiping. I picked up a car magazine and used it to cover my face. Minutes ticked by and Aaron never appeared, unease prickled down my spine. My ears and face burned red, righteous rage burning through me. He had lied to me again, probably had a good laugh at my expense with Adam and gone home, leaving me at Tyler's mercy. Maybe this was a deal between the three of them. All Aaron's secret meetings had been with Tyler. Had they plotted a way to get me out of the village for good? 

Did Aaron always want me...gone?

I lowered the magazine, my chin wobbling and eyes stinging. Perhaps, I should do the noble thing and take myself out of the equation. Move on with my life and allow Aaron to do the same. It would destroy my soul but at least I'd be alive. Aaron would smile again. I missed his smile. The shy one that told me that I was the centre of his world. I hadn't seen it in weeks. Just another thing to add to the list of ways I had failed him. The ways I had failed Liv. Blindly, I put the magazine back on the shelf and staggered out of the store. Sticking to the edges of the lobby, I saw Aaron and Adam tear up the stairs and my heart wept for him. I ached for his arms but couldn't force myself to be weak enough to accept it. I didn't wait around to see the moment he realised that I had lied to him. It was stupidly easy to walk out of the airport and into a taxi. 

"Where ya heading, mate?" The driver asked.

"London,"

"Cost ya a load,"

I shrugged and settled back against the leather seat, "It's fine. I've got it covered,"

"Suit yourself,"

I kept my eyes fixed on the back of the driver's head, refusing to look behind me in case I saw one of the three people I was avoiding.

I was good at running, some days I wondered if I'd ever stop.

................................................................................................................

The taxi dropped me off in the car park of a secluded hotel. It was rundown, grey and the one place that no one would look for me. Who would have thought that the great Robert Sugden could sink this low? Aaron had been knocked of his pedestal and it was a hard fall for the both of us to take. I signed in at the front desk, paid with the cash I had taken out from the machine outside and collected my key. The man on the front desk had taken one long look at me and placed me at the furthest end of the hotel but by the fire escape. Hidden from the world but able to leave. I almost wanted to fall to my knees and hug the man but settled for nodding at him. I dragged my tired, aching body up the stairs to my room and locked reality out. 

How had it come to this?

Afraid to go home but afraid to be away for to long.

Aaron might have been on my side but I couldn't trust him. He had thrown me away with no reason. My love was thrown back in my face and I'd be damned if I let that happen again. I just needed time to get my head on straight before I tackled my ruined marriage. Just a day or two at most. I wasn't abandoning them. I was taking a break before I lost my mind completely. I stumbled into the bathroom, flicking on the light with my elbow and finally facing the damage that the crash and Tyler had caused. A purple bruise had bloomed underneath my eye and began to reach across my cheek and into my hairline. The other side of my face had been sliced neatly but what I assumed was a shard of glass and painstakingly stitched back together. Tyler's kisses had left bruises in the corners of my mouth and irritated a split lip. Underneath my ripped shirt, my ribs were tender and all colours of the rainbow. I palpitated my wrist and instantly wished I hadn't. Pain shot into my fingers and down to my elbow. A shout of rage ripped out of my lips and I swiped my good arm wildly out, sending the bar of soap flying into the shower curtain. Standing alone, in a dingy bathroom, miles away from my home, I wept. Bitter, angry sobs clawed up my throat with enough force to jar my ribs. I couldn't stop the tears from falling and splashing onto the tiles. I wanted Aaron. I saw long, endless years without him at my side. 

But was it something I deserved?

Because I had kept a part of myself a secret. Because I had dared to believe in love again. 

Dad had tried to beat it out of me and Tyler had almost succeed. For years, I had done everything in my power to avoid love and the emotions it brought. I fought against Aaron's affections and gone as far as to marry a woman that was wrong for me in every way. Love had always been a faceless phantom that I could never exorcise or escape from. Aaron had made it a little less scary. I just hadn't realised how far under the wire he had burrowed. How much power he had over me. 

And I hated it. 

Exhausted and still sobbing softly, I collapsed onto the bed and curled up into a tight ball. 

Aaron, I miss you, I need you, please, I'm sorry.

                                                                     What do I do?

.............................................................................................

The luminous red numbers on the clock by the bed shone 9:05AM and I had been staring at it for the past three hours. I had kicked my shoes to the floor, shed my ruined shirt and dragged the scratchy blanket around my body, huddling into the fabric. The room was in almost complete darkness, a moment of paranoia had made me double lock the door and draw the blinds. I curled my socked toes into the mattress, my eyes crusty and sore from lack of sleep and to many tears. I had to know if Aaron made it home last night. Was Liv awake? Was she even alive? My fingers were wrapped around the hotel room phone before I could even think and dialling a number that wasn't home but one that wouldn't lie to me. 

It rang. Once. Twice.

"Hello?"

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry.

"Hello?"

I squeaked out an incomprehensible noise.

"I don't have time for this,"

"Wait, Chas!" I exclaimed and slammed my hand over my mouth.

"Robert? Oh, love, where are you?"

I sniffled, curling back into the headboard. She didn't sound angry, upset maybe but I sensed no wrath in her. But she had to be. She had hated me that day in the hospital. Why would she change her mind? Chas wouldn't. Aaron got his stubbornness from her.

"Did Aaron get home?"

"Yeah. He's fine. Tell me where you are, I'll come and get you,"

"I don't want you to," I confessed in a whisper. "Don't be mad at me again,"

She made a low wounded sound in the back of her throat that set the hairs on the back of my neck on end.

"I'm not mad, sweetheart. I never was. A lot has happened, I'm so sorry that no one explained it to you. Aaron's got a lot to answer for,"

I pressed the heel of one hand into my eye and pushed until stars erupted in my vision. Why did I hear regret in her voice? Nothing made sense anymore. Aaron had turned his back on me and now Chas wanted to welcome me back with open arms.

"I didn't mean for Liv to get hurt. Is she...all right?"

"She's fine. Do you want to talk to her?"

"NO! Just you. Aaron can't know I called you. Liv can't,"

I wasn't above begging her anymore. I was twisted and torn in ways I didn't imagine I could be. Chas had always been a solid strength. I trusted her to keep me on the straight and narrow when Aaron floundered in panic. 

"They're worried about you, Rob. I've never seen Aaron so frightened before. He's barely eaten anything today. Why did you runaway from him?"

"I panicked. Aaron doesn't want me anymore,"

Chas sighed and I flinched away from the sound, itching to hang up by needing the connection to someone even if it was her. I dragged my knees up underneath my chin, hiding in the folds of the duvet. if I closed my eyes, I could so easily imagine Aaron huddling on the sofa, wrapped in my old cardigan like the last time I had to travel overnight. His eyes would be red and rubbed raw, hair a mess and his beard untrimmed. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. The guilt I felt was almost tangible. 

"Aaron thinks the world of you. You're the reason he exists. Don't you know that?"

"He sent me away,"

"He was just trying to keep you safe. You know what he's like, sometimes he doesn't think things all the way through. Tyler threatened him, apparently he's got something that's enough to put you in jail for a long time. Aaron got frightened and he just reacted. He's sorry. Come home and let him explain,"

"I haven't done anything wrong, Chas. I don't know what Tyler's got. He didn't let me out of the house when I lived with him. I never had time to do anything. You have to believe me! I've been good. I've been good,"

"Sssh, Robert, hush now. I believe you, so does Aaron. He didn't want you to go to jail that's all. He doesn't think that you've done anything,"

I gasped wetly, the phone pressing into the side of my head and soaked in the comfort that she offered me.

"Tell me what to do, Chas,"

"You come back here and let your family protect you. We've done an awful job of it so far but we'll do it better,"

God, I nearly believed her but then I remembered the ice in Aaron's eyes and Liv's tiny pale body on a hospital bed. And I knew I couldn't do it. Tyler's rampage wasn't done. He would lay low for a week or two and strike at my heart. He wouldn't hurt them. There was a hardness to my voice when I answered Chas and a strange numbing calmness settled over me. 

"Not until I finish this. I love Aaron with all my heart but I can't come home. Tyler's still out there. Protect Aaron for me, ok? I'll fix this, I promise,"

"What?! No, Robert don't you dare han-,"

I slammed the receiver down and stared at it like it could bite me. I could feel Chas' outrage and couldn't stop a disjointed smirk from stretching across my lips. Today I rested. Tomorrow I acted. 

...............................................................................................................................

I stopped at a different cash point and drew out all the money it let me. It was unlikely that Aaron would go to the police, the Dingle's preferred to deal with things alone but I had to play it safe. At a local supermarket, I brought a cheap pay-as-you-go phone and saved Aaron's number into it. Then thought for a bit longer and added Chas, Liv's and Vic's to the list. Just for comfort. I had no intentions to use them again. Not until I was ready. My next stop was a clothes store where I hunted for clothes that I would never normally wear. I took my inspiration from my husband and made a beeline for black hoodies and jeans. As I passed a rack, I grabbed a handful of grey T-shirts and a fresh pack of underwear. In the shoe department I found a pair of sturdy boots on sale and added them to my stash. Next I snagged a rucksack just large enough to hold my clothes and stepped up to the cashier. A young girl bored out of her mind blew a bubble of gum at me and rang my items through the till. I paid and headed to a public bathroom to change. Thankfully, the stalls were empty and the click of the lock was comforting. Stripping of my clothes was like leaving the mess of Robert Sugden behind, if only for a day. I tugged on the clothes, stepped out of the stall and didn't recognise the man in the mirror. He was tired and faded around the edges with a strange distance to his eyes. Curiously, I pulled up my hood and grinned at my reflection. Just for a little while, it was fun to be someone else. Someone I hadn't been in years. In the midday sun, I chose a shady spot in the park and shot of a text to a number I would always remember but never wrote down.

**That favour you owe me. I'm cashing it in now. RJS.**

I vowed to keep him safe. 

And I would.

He was worth it.

Consequences be damned. 


	10. Whispers of the past.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert is forced to contact an old friend to get what he wants. Goodbyes are always bittersweet.

Come morning light.

Whispers of the past.

Robert Sugden.

The shadows of the evening stretched long across the Tesco carpark as I waited beneath the branches of an old oak tree. People bustled around me in the after-work rush, mothers with prams and giggling teenager and I had never felt so out of place. I tugged my hood up a little higher, wishing that I could shut out the world if only for a few minutes. I dragged my hands over weary eyes that felt dry and gritty. All I wanted to do was go home, to curl up in Aaron’s arms with hot chocolate and forget that I had fallen into another nightmare. But Tyler was still threatening and as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn’t fight alone. I swallowed hard and sighed, a sound that had been ripped out from somewhere deep inside me. My phone was heavy in my pocket, the weight of a few scattered texts burning through me. I had promised myself that I would never reach out for them again. It didn’t matter where I found myself in the world or how broken I was, I didn’t ever want to have to cash in my favour. Aaron would divorce me in a heartbeat if he knew what I was willing to do. But I had too. I needed Aaron to be safe. If I was the sacrifice, then so be it.

A dusty black mustang rolled into the carpark and the engine abruptly shut of in front of me. The windows were tinted black and a crucifix hung in the rear-view mirror. My stomach churned and sweat prickled across the back of my neck. Once this car had been my salvation, before I realised that the people who owned it could be just as bad. But she owed me her freedom and I wanted it. Before I could second guess myself, I opened the passenger side door and climbed inside.

“Well, look at you, Robert Sugden all grown up,” Maxine drawled. “It suits you,”

I forced myself to smile at her but it was little more than a grimace. The years hadn’t changed her much, she had cut of her hair and changed her makeup to something more natural. My eyes met hers but they skittered away, next to her I still felt like the abused boy who had runaway. That’s all I would ever be to her. Maxine curled a crimson lip at me and tapped her nails against the steering wheel.

“Thank you,” I said. “I need your help,”

“Mmm, I gathered as much. What’s up? Thought you never wanted to see me again,”

I shoved my hood back and relaxed into her leather seats. She raised an eyebrow and looked vaguely amused by my battered face. She always had a sadistic streak in her, mirrored only by Tyler’s. I shouldn’t be doing this. There would be no coming back from this decision. I still had the chance to walk away. Something in Maxine’s posture told me that I should. But Liv on the hospital bed flashed through my head and the doubt burned away.

“I need to talk to you,” The words were bitter and clunky on my tongue, “Please. I have a hotel room in the city. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important,”

She pursed her lips and kicked the car into gear, “Fine, just don’t bleed on my seat again,”

“No open wounds this time, Max,” I punched the address into her satnav, “Go here,”

“I’m not sure that’s a good thing. You’re not dying, are you? Not sure I can be bothered with a last hurrah,”

“No. But I need a favour and some answers,”

Suspicious brown eyes slid across to my momentarily and she tensed. On her finger was a golden wedding band but underneath she was still the same. Still a stray like I was. I almost smiled, in a way it was nice to know that some things stayed the same. Tyler was still psychotic, Maxine favoured short skirts and I still saw her as another sister.

“How do you know that I’ve got answers? Or that I even want to know what’s going on in your perfect life?”

“Because it’s your fault. You introduced us,”

The air between us crackled as my words faded into silence. Maxine knew exactly who I was talking about. We had both suffered at his hand a hundred times. She bore the scars of that man’s love just like me. I was happy that she had found someone who treated her right. At one point, I was convinced that one of us would bury the other.

“Shit. He’s back?”

I nodded, “He found me and he’s worse than before,”

Maxine pulled into the hotel and slowly uncurled her hands from the steering wheel. Beneath her makeup, her face was pale, her healthy glow gone. She looked at me and I saw the same fear swirling inside her that I had in me. One man had the power to bring us to our knees. I said nothing to her as I exited her car and made my way to the room. I knew she would follow me out of a morbid sense of curiosity. On cue, I heard her stiletto heels on the wooden floors and held the door open for her. She ducked underneath my arm to step inside and watched me close and lock the door. I stared at her, the woman who had both saved and doomed me and opened my arms wide. She smiled and craned up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around my neck. I rested my chin on the top of her head and just held her. On a December night almost a decade ago, we had vowed to never contact each other again. But we were forever bonded by blood, rage and humiliation. And by what we had agreed to in a moment of desperation. Maxine broke away and turned to sit down on the bed, her back ramrod straight and her hands twisting in her lap. I dragged the desk chair over and sank down into it.

“I’m married now, Rob, to a good, honest man who doesn’t know anything about Tyler or anything else. Please don’t drag me back into this,”

I clenched my eyes shut and groaned, the chill of my wedding band pressing into my forehead. Maxine’s involvement was the last thing that I wanted, it really was but she knew something that I didn’t. She had done something, said something to Tyler the night that he had beaten me senseless. I had little recognition of the hours that led me to a hospital bed in an unfamiliar city but I knew that there were raised voices, a scream that wasn’t mine and the dull thud of a body hitting the ground. Then Tyler had disappeared, until he turned up in Emmerdale.

“I’m sorry. I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t have a choice, you know that,”

“Yeah, I do,”

“No more games. No more lies. The night that Tyler almost killed me, what happened?”

She sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth, “Jesus Rob, don’t beat around the bush. You were half dead when I found you, I got you in my car and took you to hospital. I don’t know what else you want me to say,”

“There’s something else. What aren’t you telling me?”

She glanced away, “Nothin’,”

I slammed my palms down on my thighs and she jumped and a part of me didn’t care that I had scared her. Because it was her fault. I had been young and idealistic, believing in the possibility that someone could love me in the way I wanted to be love. Not in the way Dad had planned for me. It was on her glowing reference that Dad had hired Tyler. I had let him into my life because I trusted her. And maybe it was wrong to still hold it against her, she had been a victim just like me but without her interference, I wouldn’t be a mess. I wouldn’t be holding onto sanity by the tips of my fingers.

“My husband is going to divorce me because of something Tyler said! He says that he’s got something to put me in jail, Max and I don’t know what it is. But you do! Damn it, Max, I kept you out of jail.”

Maxine sniffled and dabbed at her nose daintily, her sharp eyes falling to my wedding ring as she played with hers.  

“What’s his name?” She asked.

“Aaron,”

“What’s he like?”

“He’s…a grumpy git at times really. He can be far to sarcastic and wouldn’t know romance if it hit him in the face. There are times when I want to strangle him because I’ve fallen over his shoes, again, for the fifth time but I’d do anything for him. He makes me laugh and cry. After everything that he’s been though he still so…good…so bright. It’s like he glows or something,” I blushed and picked at my jeans, “He’s my Aaron,”

“So why isn’t he here?”

I curled into myself on the uncomfortable chair, “Tyler made him lie to me and then he hurt my sister in law. She’s only sixteen and he almost killed her. Aaron can’t trust me anymore. I don’t really blame him,”

Maxine shuffled forward and took my hand, “He knows about Tyler?”

I shrugged one shoulder, “A bit. Some things, I couldn’t tell him, he doesn’t need to know everything that Tyler did. I wasn’t ever going to tell him but Tyler just turned up in the village and he wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t stay quiet anymore,”

“You’re braver than I am, Rob. But people like us need people like your Aaron and my Callum to keep us steady. We tend to lose ourselves in our mistakes or make new ones. Tyler nearly destroyed us once, are you really going to let him do it again?”

“It’s not that simple. Aaron said things that I don’t think he meant but I believe them. He thinks I’m a danger to his family now. God, this is such a mess. I should never have come back to Emmerdale,”

But even as I said it, something inside me screamed out in agony. If I had stayed away then I would have never met Aaron, I might not even have been breathing anymore. Life without Aaron wasn’t worth living. Maxine swatted the back of my head.

“The last thing you are is a danger. Aaron would be safer with you at his side,”

“That’s something I need to talk to you about. Are you still in contact with Kai?”

Maxine’s eyes widened and she surged up and away from the bed, shaking her head as she moved. She looked so betrayed and fearful. I knew exactly what my question meant to her. It was a shove back into the past we were both trying to escape from. A price that was almost too high.

“Rob, no. Kai’s bad news. Stay away from him,”

I stopped her pacing and titled her face up to mine. Crystal tears leaked down her cheeks and I hated myself for making her cry.

“I just want him to keep an eye on Aaron. That’s all. No violence involved unless there has to be,”

“But there’s always a catch with Kai. He won’t do it unless you promise to owe him. I don’t want to see you get mixed up in that again,”

“Christ, Maxie, it’s the last thing I want. I want to get as far away from this life as possible, just like you but I can’t do that if Aaron’s unprotected. Tyler ran over a sixteen-year-old girl to get to me. Imagine what he’ll do to get me to go back,”

Like her strings had been cut, Maxine slumped against my chest, her hands fisting at the fabric of my shirt.

“Rob…,”

“I won’t ask you to call him. Just give me his number and I’ll do it,”

“Wait until I’ve left. I can’t hear his voice again,”

I nodded against the top of her head, “Tell me. I need to know,”

As I expected, Maxine fought my grip but I held her snuggly against my chest, tangling my hand soothingly in her hair. She sobbed, her shoulders shaking with the force of them and I swallowed mine back.

“You didn’t do anything, Rob. There’s nothing that can put you in jail. It was just another lie. But that night…he…Rob I can’t! OK? I can’t. This is on me. Something I did and hell, I’d do it again in a heartbeat. He deserved it and much, much worse,”

I yelped as she stamped on my foot and made me release her. Her mascara streaked down her face in black tears and I had a sudden flash of seeing her standing over me in the rain with something in her hand. A chill shot down my back.

“What did you do?”

“I saved you. It’s best you don’t remember. Don’t go looking for it or him. Go home,”

“I can’t. He doesn’t want me anymore,”

Maxine patted my cheek, “Don’t be daft. Who wouldn’t want you? Please, don’t throw everything away for revenge. It’ll kill you,”

We both knew the damning path of revenge. Maxine had been at my side when we had straddled the line and contemplated the choices we had. Even though Maxine had remained tight lipped, I had enough to know that she had done something. Invoked one of her contacts and forced Tyler into hiding for years. She knew more than I did and I wanted the answers. But seeing her stand before me, dressed like a housewife and with a new shine in her eyes, I knew that I couldn’t drag her back in. It wasn’t her fight anymore. I had Kai’s number and access to his dark web of shady men. It was enough now. Tyler could be stopped and Aaron could be protected. I pressed a kiss to Maxine’s forehead that felt like regret and goodbye for good.

“What’s Callum like?” I asked.

“I don’t deserve him. He’s good and treats me like a queen. He loves me,”

“He makes you happy?”

She nodded and smiled, “I’ve never been happier,”

“That’s all I ever wanted for you. Take care of yourself. If you ever need me, call. I’ll come,”

“I mean this in the nicest possible way, Robbie but I hope I never see you again. Go back to Aaron. Promise me?”

“Soon. I’m not ready yet,”

Maxine sighed and pressed a kiss to my cheek, “Oh, love. You try so hard to earn the love you’re freely offered but hasn’t it ever occurred to you that people need to earn your love too? I know what Tyler did to you was much worse than anything I can imagine but you are worthy of everything you’ve been denying yourself. I bet that while you know all of Aaron’s secrets, he only knows a fraction of yours. Do yourself a favour, let him in. Love doesn’t wait forever. Goodbye, Robert,”

Without a backward glance she was gone. Swept away into the darkness and out of my life forever. I expected to feel the crushing loneliness I did the last time she walked away but it was only bittersweet. I shut the door and my gaze fell on the receipt scrap with Kai’s number printed on it.

A hired thug.

A bad man.

…What was I doing?


	11. Stitches.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron's nightmares terrify him and he slowly realises that they're on their own.

Come morning light.

Aaron Dingle. 

 

 

Drip.

     Drip.

            Drip. 

_"I'm missing,"_

The mid afternoon sun awoke me from much needed slumber. I stretched out on the sofa, my back cracking and my head a little foggy. There were old reruns of a cooking show playing quietly on the television and the smell of chocolate cake in the air. Liv lay sprawled out on the floor, pretending to do her homework whilst texting Gabby. She sensed me looking and threw a grin over her shoulder, there was Doritos dust on her lip. I messed up her wild hair and smiled as she grumbled at me and swatted at my hand. Robert hummed along to a pop song and sung the chorus even though he'd deny it later. I leant over the back of the sofa to watch him move around the kitchen, his Captain America socks sliding across the floor. His head bopped in time to the beat and my heart swelled for this unbelievable man. His happiness had been hard fought for but we had won. Abusive ex boyfriends and homophobic fathers had nothing on us. We were made to be forever. I padded over to him and looped my arms around his waist, craning my neck to see his latest concoction. It looked like another cake, Robert's sweet tooth was legendary among the Dingles. I pushed my nose in between his shoulder blades and inhaled that spicy, tangy scent that was entirely him. Robert sighed and relaxed back into me.

"I missed you," He said. "Where did you go?"

I rolled my eyes, "I fell asleep, I was just on the sofa. You could have woken me up,"

Robert shook his head, "No, I mean earlier, before. When I was calling for you. You didn't answer,"

My mouth went dry, "I-I didn't hear you,"

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, a sad smile on his lips, "You never do anymore. Look what happened to me,"

A chill shot down my spine, Robert felt entirely wrong in my grasp. He almost felt like a dream, smoke that I would never be able to catch with my bare hands. I clutched him closer to me and a shadowy hand stretched out across the floor toward us. I risked a glance over my shoulder, Liv was gone and the darkness had devoured the living room. It was at the threshold of the kitchen and there was nothing I could do to stop it. 

"You didn't come, Aaron. Look what you made me do,"

He ghosted out of my arms like he had never been there and the lights flickered out. I wasn't prepared for the horror that awaited me when they came back on. We were still at home, Taylor Swift was singing about summer romance in a long drawn out voice that distorted all the words and it was utterly chilling. Robert was still standing in front of me, eyes wounded and frightened but he was all wrong. The man before me had been torn to pieces and sewn back messily along the seams. His white floral shirt was a mess of blood and gore. The finger where his wedding band used to be proudly on display was skinned to the bone. He had been completely destroyed and I hadn't noticed. He took my hand and pressed something warm and soft into my palm. I didn't want to look down but something made me. I screamed long and loud. He had handed over his heart like it was nothing, it had been slashed down the middle and sloppily stitched back together with black twine. It beat once...twice...in my hand and started to crumble. I shoved it back toward Robert's ruined chest, almost blinded by my tears but he skittered away like a spooked animal. The clock ticked loudly, an ominous reminder of our morality. 

"Take it back, Rob," I begged, "Quickly, we haven't got much time,"

He just shook his head and closed my fingers around it, "I can't. It's your's Aaron. To do with as you please. Tyler got my body and you got my heart. That was the deal, wasn't it?"

"No!"

"You left me,"

"I was trying to help you,"

"Liar. You got me killed,"

The shadowy fingers had a vice like grip around my ankles and I had to watch as Robert looked over my shoulder and nodded. He held his hand out like he was expecting someone to take it and stepped around me. I couldn't even reach for him. There was no stopping him as he walked away again. As he moved I caught sight of a single crimson rose on the work surface and suddenly I knew who was behind me.

"Don't go! I can save you. Stay with me,"

Behind me Robert sobbed and a cold mouth pressed against my ear.

"I win,"

I dropped his heart.

Robert screamed. 

And I bolted awake with his name on my lips.

.................................................................................................................................

"Aaron love, please go to bed. You have to sleep sometime. This isn't going to help anyone,"

I stared down at a mock up for a missing person's poster I wanted to make in the morning and ignored her. It made me ache inside to see Robert's happy face looking back at me from the paper but I had to do something. Liv had already flooded her Facebook page, begging strangers for information when her own resources had dried up. She had bombarded Robert's rarely used Twitter page with endless tweets, all a little bit more desperate than the last. Together we had drowned Emmerdale and Hotten under a wave of posters and flyers, promising a reward that would bankrupt me but one that I would willingly pay to have him home. I had pounced on passerby's in the street and scared them half to death because someone, somewhere had to know something. Robert was to important to simply vanish, to essential to my existence to be gone. A man as bright and as magnetic as him must have been noticed. He had to have been. 

Mum took my pen out of my hand and waited until I blinked slowly up at her, my eyes red and sore. Though there was sympathy on her face, there was also fright. A justified terror that I would fall back on old habits without Robert there to stop me. She could never understand that his absence made me want to try harder. I couldn't save him if I was falling to the past. I met her gaze head on and picked up another pen from Liv's pencil case. Mum huffed and sat down at the table beside me. 

"Love, I know this is hard for you but you need sleep. Just a few hours,"

But she could never understand the terror of holding Robert's broken heart every night. He had only been gone four days, how could I last anymore? I couldn't even sleep in our bed. It was to big, to cold and I suffocated in the covers without him. 

"I don't need to sleep, what I need to do is finish this. The other ones got ruined by the rain yesterday and I think there was a spelling error on them," I scratched out the reward and scratched my chin lightly, "Maybe I can add another nought onto the end. Adam owes me and I'm sure Vic will give me something. Then there's our savings, there's a lot in the bank. People are greedy fuckers at times,"

Her hands stilled my frantic ones and cut of my babbling. A lump grew in my throat that was hard to swallow. I could offer all the money in the world and it wouldn't matter because Tyler had him and he wouldn't let go. Mum swiped through my hair and the loving gesture nearly undid me. I pressed into her touch, wishing that she still had the magic she did when I was a child. Before Gordon and Jackson, back when I thought she could fix everything. 

"Stop, Aaron. You don't need to offer anymore,"

I snuffled and my lower lip wobbled, "I have to try, Mum. I can't get it out of my head. Tyler could be doing anything to Robert right now and I'm not there. Robert's hurt and he's alone. It's my fault,"

The chair scrapped across the floor as Mum crouched in front of me and took my hands in hers. I wanted to tell her to stand up before her knees started to hurt but I couldn't find the words. I could see the concern for Robert in her eyes. Once she tried to deny any affection for him but lately she had been calling him 'family' and 'one of her boys'. Just never when Robert was in earshot. I wished she had told him. 

"It's not your fault, Aaron and it's not Robert's either. The blame lies solely on Tyler and his lies. You were trying to protect Robert and deep down I know he understands that. And we're going to get him back, ok? None of us will stop until we do,"

Sure, we could get Robert back but how much of him would come home? 

A bloodied corpse?

A broken man?

A victim still enthralled by Tyler?

Or would he still be my Robert, just a little bit bruised?

I offered Mum a watery smile. Above us the ceiling squeaked and brought a fresh round of tears to my eyes. Liv had made it no secret how angry she was with me. But for the first time in her life, her rage was silent and it unsettled me more than anything. My sister had never been silent in her pain, she was to much like me. She screamed and cursed and on a few memorable occasions threw things. Only now she was a wraith, roaming the bedrooms because she couldn't tackle the stairs with her cast on. I couldn't give her the one thing that would make her smile again. Robert was the only thing that could do that. 

"He's dead, isn't he?" I whispered. "I'm never gonna see him again,"

And the very last thing I said to his face was  _just go._

Mum snatched me up and cradled me against her chest in a way she hadn't done for years. "No, he's not! Not our Robert, he's to strong for that. He survived Tyler once before and he can do it again. Don't you dare give up on him,"

I shoved away, "I'm not. I'm just...what if I have to plan his funeral? I can't...deal with that,"

"You'll never have to, not for a long time,"

Now, I understood why Robert hated false promises and why he never asked for any. Mum's words sat uncomfortably in my stomach and left a bitter taste in my mouth. Because we both knew that there was a chance she was wrong. I yawned and hid it behind my hand, Mum raised her eyebrows at me and I shrugged. 

"I can't sleep upstairs, Mum,"

She pointed to the sofa, "Use that. I'm not leaving until you do,"

She walked in my shadow until I dropped down into the cushions of the sofa, pulling the old blanket around my shoulders and switching on the television to something random. Loving, Mum smoothed out the blanket over my chest and pressed a kiss to my forehead. Closing my eyes, I tried to ignore that she had perched on the arm of the sofa and willed myself to sleep.

...........................................................................................................................

"I'm sorry Mr Dingle but without proof, there's really nothing we can do," 

I stared opened mouth at the policeman sitting at my kitchen table. He had his notebook out, pencil behind his ear and manufactured sympathy on his face. I hated everything about him. The twisted sense of duty he stood for, the concern he pretended to have. He didn't care that Robert was in danger or that I was begging him for help. At my side, Liv growled and Vic tensed and in the kitchen Mum slammed a teacup to the cabinet. 

"Excuse me?" Vic said. 

"Mrs Barton, there's no proof that Robert is in any danger. Are you sure he didn't just leave you? The nurses on the ward say that you had an argument," He flicked through his notebook, "It was fairly intense from what I hear,"

I bit my tongue to stop from snapping the words I wanted to but Liv had no such problems. She sat bolt upright, wincing as she pulled on her stitches and glared at Officer Danvers. 

"Robert wouldn't just leave us. You don't know anything about him. Tyler took him. Do your job and find him!"

At my persistent touch, Liv sank back down into her chair and dragged the sleeve of her sweatshirt underneath her nose. Vic patted her thigh and shoved her pigtail over her shoulder. I mirrored their frustration and sighed. Why couldn't Officer Danvers take our words as the truth they were? Robert had been so thorough when he had disposed of Tyler's gifts. There was nothing left to convince the police. I slumped forward, pressing my palms against my eyes and sighed. There was nothing. 

"There must be something you can do. Just look into it. Robert wouldn't leave when one of his sisters was in the hospital. He didn't lie to us. Yeah, we had an argument but it was a misunderstanding," I said. 

Liv swallowed and I winked at her, her face flushed red and softened. Vic shuffled forward and caught the Officer's eyes, pleading with him in a way that only a frightened little sister could. 

"Robert was scared. Tyler had abused him for years and Robert was afraid. Aaron's Mum, Uncle and my husband all saw Tyler hit Robert and forcefully kiss him. That's assault at the very least,"

Officer Danvers' face clouded over and his jaw clenched but he turned to an old place in his notebook. There were three hours worth of notes and statements in that black book. Everything we could think of and yet nothing was of any use. 

"We have witnesses that saw Robert get into Tyler's car,"

My stomach churned.

"He was forced into it!" I snapped. 

"That's not what they're saying. Mr Dingle, you may have to face the fact that Robert has runaway. Another lover perhaps?"

Blinded by rage I surged to my feet, a red haze falling over my eyes. How could he dare to disrespect Robert like that? The victim in all of this madness. Robert wasn't perfect but he loved me and he wouldn't stray. Hands tugged me away from Officer Danvers and outside. The air was just enough to make the buzzing in my ears fade. I hid my face from Vic as she hovered at my elbow. I didn't want to see her tears or the makeup streaked down her cheeks. I stalked to the end of the lawn, my shoulders dropped and my thumb dangerously close to my teeth.

"How can he say those things? Robert wouldn't cheat on me. They're wasting time that we don't have,"

Vic framed my face in her tiny hands, "We know that. They have to ask hard questions, Aaron. None of us think that Robert could do that to you. But you need to keep it together. For Robert, ok?"

Just like that the anger faded and I saw the logic in Vic's words. The questions hurt me and I hated that they were dragging my husband through the mud but maybe they had to. Vic slipped her hand into mine and walked me back into the kitchen. Mum had sat down on the sofa, Liv snuggled into her side and Officer Danvers had a new page open in his notebook. He looked up as Vic and I approached, looking almost sheepish. 

"I meant no offence, Mr Dingle but these are questions I have to ask. It is a possibility that Robert has simply chosen to leave but I can't ignore the statements made by you and your family. We'll set up a missing person's report and take it from there,"

"His name's Tyler Chase. He's from the village but he must have another flat, in London maybe, it's where Robert lived before he came home. I don't have a photograph but he's got red hair and he's really tall. Uhm...his car will probably have a dent in it from where he hit me," Liv babbled.

"That's a point. He ran Liv over on purpose. That's attempted murder, isn't it?" Mum asked. 

Officer Danvers hummed noncommittally and scribbled down a few sentences. Then he handed me a card with a case number and excused himself before anyone could stop him. I wanted to cry. The policeman hadn't believed us. We were alone. Vic pinned the business card to the fridge and looked so small and heartbroken. Had Robert told her secrets that he hadn't told me? During those last few days Robert and I had drifted apart and I could only pray that he hadn't kept everything inside. I walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She turned to me with a wobbling lip. 

"We'll find him. Then I'm never gonna let him go. Ever. He's not leaving the house," I teased, "And we'll put a tracker on him,"

"Never trust the manufacturer's,"Vic giggled, "Thank you,"

I kissed her cheek and turned back to Mum and Liv. Mum smiled but Liv glared and glanced away. It was like a punch to my gut.

..................................................................................

I wandered down the high street, kicking pebbles aimlessly into the gutter. People offered me condolences as if Robert was already dead and each time was worse than before. I just had to get out of the house. I passed a lamppost with one of Robert's posters stuck on it. Furiously, I turned away from it and stormed toward the pub. It was to much. Far to much. How could I exist without him? I crumbled without him. 

I needed him. 

Turning into the park, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end and I cast a glance over my shoulder. I saw no one behind me but the eyes never left. Someone was watching me. 

 

 


	12. A deal with the devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert meets Kai and calls Chas for reassurance.

Come morning light.

A deal with the devil.

Robert Sugden. 

 

The chime on the door rang, I tensed in my seat and peered over the divide but it was just a gaggle of teenagers fawning over their social media. I slumped in my chair and wrapped shaking hands around the coffee mug in front of me. Even the comforting drink couldn't calm my nerves. My snap decision was a terrible mistake. I should have listened to Maxine and left Kai in the past. Though Kai hadn't even hurt me like Tyler had done, I almost thought he was more dangerous. He had all of Tyler's charm and ruthlessness but none of his insanity. He was methodical, conniving and always in control. And his payment would be in blood. On that brutal unspeakable night, Maxine and I had combined our meagre savings and bartered our way to a deal. It had cost me everything. Would this cost me my home?

Would it cost me Aaron? 

Aaron would never look at me again if he knew what I had done. It wouldn't matter what Tyler had done to me. He'd only see the hit-man. I raised my fingers to my hair and tugged on the roots. I wasn't proud of it but I had been so scared and so desperate. I hadn't wanted Tyler to be hurt, I just needed him to stop. But as usual, Maxine had gone a step to far and I was unconscious before I could call him off. She had promised me that the hit had failed, that she had stepped in at the last minute and stopped it. I believed her at the time but now I was wavering. Tyler's anger was something more than a jilted lover. It felt like revenge. 

I dropped my gaze down to my phone and wished that I could call Aaron. I needed to hear his voice before I sunk any lower. He was my north star and I couldn't find my way without him. But his safety was my priority and until that was secured, I had to stay away. A shadow fell across the table, I took a deep fortifying breath and looked up into murky brown eyes. The years hadn't been kind to Kai. He was scarcely five years my senior but he looked decades older. A scrawling scar dragged the corner of his lip down that was puckered and angry. His salt and pepper beard looked to coarse to be comfortable. Muscles rippled as he crossed his arms over his chest and leered down at me. 

"Little Bobby Sugden, well I'll be damned. Lookin' good Hotshot,"

I motioned to the empty chair opposite me, "Uhm...thanks?"

Kai sat down so heavily that it made the coffee cup rattle. I slunk back as Kai rested his arms on the table, an eyebrow raised in amusement. I hated this man and everything he made me feel. 

"Still as awkward as ever. I thought you would have grown out of that by now. It's a good think you're cute. Why am I here?"

I tensed as Kai brushed our knees together. Why had I done this? I was in over my head. It was to late to back out now. Kai was like bloodhound, he wouldn't give up once his curiosity had been aroused. 

"Tyler Chase is back. I need him to leave me alone,"

He titled his chair back and tapped a nail bitten finger against his forehead. My stomach dropped to my feet and sweat broke out across my hairline. I saw the game he wanted to play. He would make me relieve exactly what I had done. It heightened the rush for him.  He shook his head slowly. 

"The name isn't familiar. Are you sure he's one of mine?"

"You missed," I reminded.

I jumped a mile in the air as he snapped forward and banged his hands down on the table. Trapped in the corner of the booth, I couldn't run and didn't want to attract attention. Amusement flickered across Kai's features. 

"Calm down. I never miss. I got another order,"

My forehead furrowed, "From Max?"

A packet of gum rustled as he opened it and chewed slowly on one. Peppermint. A hazy memory rushed to the surface of my mind but was gone before I could catch it. 

"Yup. She was insistent. Knock him around, frighten 'im but under no circumstances was I to kill him. If you ask me, she still had a thing for him. Of course, that was only half of her hit,"

I clenched the edge of the table, my fingers aching, "What was the other half?"

But he just tapped the side of his nose, "That's confidential. You want me to finish it?"

Since when did Kai had honour? Last time he had boasted about his victims as I was helpless on the floor. Lost in a sea of blood and never ending agony. I tugged on my hoodie sleeve, seeing Aaron in the gesture. God, I needed him to stop me.

"I don't want you to hurt him anymore. Just scare him away?"

Kai hummed, "I seem to remember you being able to hold your own. What's changed?"

"I have a family now. He almost killed my sister in law. He needs to be stopped,"

Quicker than I could react, Kai grabbed a hold of my wrist and twisted it until he could see my wedding band. Something I didn't fully understand shot across his face. I cringed at the scars on his knuckles and his rough, dry skin. 

"They got a name?" Kai barked. "Your Princess?"

I smothered a broken laugh, "Aaron. He's not Princess,"

"For an extra price, I'll keep an eye on him. Make sure that Tyler doesn't go anywhere near him,"

I almost wept, "What's your price? Money? You need to give me a few days to get it together,"

"I don't need your money. I could just call your family and get the reward money,"

I blinked, "What?"

Smoothly, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. He slid it across the table face down. I waited until his hand had returned to his side of the table before picking it up. Tear bubbled to my eyes as I stared down at a touched up photograph of my face. 

**Missing.**

**Robert Jacob Sugden.**

**Reward £3,000.**

**Call Aaron or Chas Dingle.**

"Oh, God," I breathed. 

I cupped my hands over my mouth and swallowed hard. Ever since I left, I had been trying to ignore the torment Aaron must be going through at home. I just wanted to keep him safe but I knew that all I was doing was hurting him. If he was the one to run away, it would utterly destroy me. We had fought bitterly but he was still the love of my life and I was his. How did I ever think that this would work? I never wanted him to be sat at home, desperate enough to make a missing poster for me. 

"I'll give you a piece of free advice, kid. Go home. I'll keep to the sidelines, he'll never know I'm there and I'll intercept Tyler before he can touch him,"

The genuine comradery I sensed in him threw me for a loop and I stared blindly at my hands. It was a messy situation but we had almost become allies in our battle. 

"It's not that simple,"

"It's as simple as you make it. I'm a hired hit man and you really should listen to me. Go home, you're out of your league here,"

"What's your price?"

Kai smirked, suddenly all business and excitement, "A promise that when I call you, you'll answer me. That you'll do what I tell you to without question. Even if it offends you,"

That sounded terrible, "What would you want me to do?"

"I don't know yet. Could be a robbery, deliver a message, carry out a threat. I'm a busy man, Robert and I have a lot of enemies. I'd rather throw you under the bus,"

He could get me to do anything. I might end up just like him. Friendless and hounded by the ghosts of past hits. Aaron would hate me and Liv would be terrified of me. They'd never understand. But I couldn't cope with seeing another person I loved silent in a hospital bed. The next time the victim might not be so lucky. I bowed my head and my shoulders slumped. What choice did I have? Aaron's life or my freedom?

The decision was already made. 

"One phone call,"

"You owe me three calls, Bobby. I haven't forgotten that you never paid me properly before. One for the first hit. One to keep Aaron safe. One to frighten Tyler away. I'll be in Emmerdale tomorrow,"

Please, forgive me. 

"Deal," I whispered

A satisfied smile appeared on Kai's scarred face and he pushed another phone against my palm. I recognised the phone from before. Maxine had been the one to carry it because I was to afraid to be connected to the final call. It would be blank apart from one programmed number. I was never to use it. If I did, it would be another favour. Kai stood up and dusted down his jeans, clamping my shoulder in a parody of friendship. I couldn't watch him leave the cafe. I stared at the two phones in front of me and slipped both of them into my pocket. Their weight was unimaginable and almost dragged me down to the floor. I waited five minutes and left. 

...........................................................................................................................................................................

On a quiet secluded bench in the middle of a lush park, I made a decision and dialled Chas' number. It was midday, the pub would be heaving but there was always a chance that she would answer. I had to ask her if Aaron was functioning without me. If he was then I didn't have to rush home. I tugged my hood down over my eyes and chewed on my thumb nail. 

"Rob? Is that you, honey?"

"Yeah. Is everyone ok?"

"No. Come home, this has gone on to long. Please,"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Aaron wasn't supposed to miss me,"

Because Aaron was always the one who could exist alone. I needed him like the air I breathed but he thrived without me. I never thought that I could bring him to his knees. The poster crumpled in my hand until I could barely see the photograph. 

Chas sounded so soft and gentle that it was excruciating, "You're his husband, you idiot. He's like half a person without you,"

"I didn't mean for this to happen, Chas. I'm so sorry,"

I almost wished my mother-in-law was here. Her hugs could tackle Aaron's demons, so why couldn't she stop mine, if only for a minute? I didn't have room to breathe. Chas hushed me with a gentle murmur that reminded me far to much of my mum. 

"No, don't apologise. I promise that this was never your fault. None of it,"

It didn't matter how many times they told me that, it would always be my fault. I was the one with the secret, the one who was weak enough to be a victim. I swiped my sleeve underneath my nose and cringed at myself.

"I found Aaron's poster, it's a terrible photograph," I joked feebly.

She laughed wetly, "He worked on it for hours. It had to be perfect. Liv's taken over Facebook. She's mad,"

I could just imagine Aaron, surrounded by two year's worth of photographs, tossing some to the side and finally selecting the perfect one. Part of me was pleased that I had no access to the internet. To see Liv's pleads would break me. 

"I bet. How's she doing?"

"She's good, back at home now and failing to climb the stairs. She needs you,"

"I got her run over,"

"If I could I was smack you over the head for that. You didn't do anything. Don't think it," Her voice faded slightly and I heard Charity boom out in the background. I was suddenly homesick for the bustle of the pub, "How are you, Rob?"

I paused, considered, and lied, "Fine,"

"Robert Sugden," Chas growled. I sat bolt upright on instinct, "Don't you dare lie to me. The truth. Now,"

Adrenaline had me surging from the bench and pacing the small space between two silver birch trees.

"What do you want me to say, Chas? That I'm going out of my mind being so far away from Aaron? Because I am. I miss him so much. All I want is to come home but he was so angry at me. I'm not sure if he's forgiven me. He won't understand. I just want to go home. Chas. God,"

"Don't cry, love. You're forgiven. It's ok. Come home,"

My feet stopped on a low bridge and I stared down into a large pond. I hated the man staring back at me. He was a villain, he always had been.

"How can I be? You don't know what I've done. I tried to fix it but I think I made everything worse,"

"Whatever you've done we can work it out. As a family,"

There is was again. The word that I didn't know how to earn. I grovelled at the Dingle's feet, ate their scraps for the smallest chance at being apart of their clan. Now Chas offered it to me willingly and it sounded so perfect. It would be so easy to embrace it. There was a scuffle on the line and the voice on the other end had me clutching at the bridge just to stay standing. 

"Rob? Where are you? Come back, please, I'm so sorry. I love you. I can fix this. Come back to me,"

I hung up on Aaron before he could finish talking. I pressed my hands to my face and sobbed. How could I tell him I made a deal with the devil for him? How could I pretend that his words hadn't carved me into pieces? But he had sounded so broken, so scared and so hopeful. He was brave enough to believe in a fairy tale ending for us and I wanted it as well. And for him so would I. I was going home.

 

 


	13. Wishing on a star.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron finally gets through to Robert and then makes everything worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be a little dark?  
> Thank you for all your lovely reviews/kudos'. I'm so glad that you all seem to like it so much.

Come morning light

Wishing on a star.

Aaron Dingle.

 

_"Rob? Where are you? Come back, please, I'm so sorry. I love you. I can fix this. Come back to me,"_

 

 

 

"Aaron, love, let me explain," Mum said.

He didn't want me anymore. I'd pushed him to far, torn him open in ways that I promised I'd never would. On the dark nights when Robert could barely face his past, buried under the duvet with wounded eyes, hadn't I vowed that I would never force him away? I'd done to much of that in the beginning without realising what I was doing to him. Robert had hurt me in new special ways during those days too and we had both juggled with our guilt. In my eyes, he was absolved and I did everything in my power to be forgiven. But how could he forgive me for this? In trying to save him and I had broken us. There were so many words in my head that I needed him to know but he didn't give me the chance. Mum guided me into a chair and her hands hovered over my shoulders. 

"I've lost him," I breathed, "Oh God, he's gone,"

"You haven't, I promise you. He's coming home,"

But I couldn't believe her. Robert had never given up on me before, even when I had given him so many reasons to. Back when I was angry, living in the grip of a shameful secret and taken it out on him. It took little persuasion from my demons to listen to the rumours around town.

Robert is bad.

Robert's a liar. 

Robert doesn't know how to love. 

To my never ending shame I had never believed in him. But every single time I threw him out the door, he was there waiting for me with open arms. My saviour. My hope. Didn't he know how much I needed him?

I buried my face in my hands, hiding my tears from Mum even though she had seen me cry a thousand times before. I didn't have the strength to be embarrassed, Robert was worth every single one. She gathered me against her side, running one hand down my spine. 

"How long has he been calling you?" I asked. 

Mum sighed, resting her head on mine, "He's only called me twice. He was asking about you,"

And didn't that just destroy me? In the middle of all this madness, his first instinct was to protect me. He had never learnt his own self worth. One day, I would change that. I would make him see it. 

"Where is he?"

"I don't know. He wouldn't say. I tried to get him to talk to me but he wouldn't,"

We both knew Robert's pride and stubbornness ran deep. Paired with the trauma from Tyler, there was no way he would talk to Mum. I might have been the only one he would have and he was scared off me. I sagged against Mum, grinding my palms against my eyes hard enough to see stars. I thought Robert was still at Tyler's mercy. He had been in the airport. 

"Why won't he come home?" I cried, "He's not with Tyler anymore, is he?"

Mum paused, "I don't think so. It sounded like he's got a plan though,"

I didn't like the undertones in her voice, "A bad one?"

"Most likely,"

"He's gonna get himself killed. I'm going to have to bury him after all. Mum, I can't do this. I love him. Where is he? Mum!"

She pressed her lips to the crown of my head, shushing me softly as my panic grew. Her comfort wouldn't calm me. It couldn't undo the knots of fear and loneliness festering inside me. Only Robert could. My fingertips went numb as I fought with my lungs, trying to force air into them but they just wanted to stop working. These last few days it had felt as if I was walking around with a dead heart that was still beating. And now my lungs wanted to follow. If I could, I would rip my heart out, because maybe then I wouldn't have to feel anymore. 

"Do something!" Vic squealed, "He can't breathe!"

Hearing her made everything worse and the buzzing in my head grew louder. I was the reason her brother had run away. My foolishness had led to the destruction of her family. I opened my mouth to apologise and chocked on air. Mum's warm fingers curled underneath my chin and forced my face up. I hated the fear reflected back at me but couldn't do anything to ease it. She was on the phone to someone, speaking in a frenzied voice that I couldn't hear properly. I didn't protest as she forced the phone up to my ear and held it for me. 

"Aaron?"

                            Robert.

           Oh God.

                                                   It was him.

_Don't leave me._

"Darlin', I need you to breathe for me. In and out. Like we practised, remember?"

_I'll be better. Promise. Let me try._

"Try again. In. Out. One Two,"

_If you come back, I'll never make you cry._

_I_ _'ll cook your favourite meals every night._

_I won't moan anymore._

_I'll make you smile again._

"Aaron, listen to me, you need to breathe. You can do this. Look around you, tell me what you see,"

My eyes roamed, "...mum...Vic...,"

_But not you._

"Good. What do you smell?"

I sniffed, "Burgers,"

_I miss your expensive shower gel._

"What can you hear?"

"You,"

He chuckled wetly, "Yeah, I'm here. Last one, what can you feel?"

I ran my fingertips down the cardigan I wore. It was his. I couldn't leave it at home. 

"Wool,"

He didn't ask. Maybe he knew.

"Is that better now?"

My chest didn't feel tight anymore and my lungs had decided to function again but it wouldn't ever be better. Not when he was absent from my side. I brought my knees up underneath my chin and clutched at the phone like it was a lifeline. Robert's breaths on the other end were soothing but heart breaking. Mum and Vic tiptoed out of the room but I barely saw them go. My entire world had narrowed down to a voice on the phone. I pressed my hand over my mouth but couldn't stifle a sob.

"No. Robert, where are you?"

A pause, "That doesn't matter,"

"Yes it does. Because you're not here and I can't find you,"

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry. I miss you. I didn't mean for you to go away,"

His answering sigh was shaky, "I just thought...this isn't what you wanted?"

"NO!" The word was torn out of me, "I want you here, with me, where you're supposed to be. I want messed up with you forever,"

"But you told me to go,"

_Just go._

"Tyler was going to hurt you again. I couldn't let him do it. But everything got out of hand, it went wrong and I'm so, so, so, sorry. I miss you so much it hurts,"

"Do you love me, Aaron?"

"With everything I am. It doesn't count for much, but it's all I have to offer you,"

"It's enough,"

"Let me help you, Rob. Don't push me away,"

I held my breath, waiting, foolishly hoping and knowing that it would destroy me if he turned away again. The clock ticked on the wall and Mum's shadow fell under the door. We were all counting on my ability to make Robert see sense. To make him trust me again. If I could do that, then we had a chance. I could mend us. A tear twisted down my cheek and I wiped it away with a sniff. I thought I heard Robert snuffle.

"I'm coming. No more tears. Love you,"

This time, the dial tone didn't punch through my heart. Still, the phone dropped from my hand and thudded to the carpet. Vic touched my face and I stared into her doe eyes. They were full of questions that she didn't know if she should ask. So I nodded once and let her hug me.

_.............................................................................._

I fluffed up the pillows on the bed twice before I stepped back. The room still bore the scars of Tyler's rage but I had managed to salvage a few things. The bed and sheets however had been splintered beyond repair and it had taken the combination of Adam and Cain to find a new one. Diane had gifted us a deep maroon bed set that she swore no one had ever slept in. It wasn't to my style but I was sure that Robert would appreciate it. I couldn't let him see what Tyler had done again. It was bad enough that he must have seen it once. I smoothed my hand down the pillow once more and moved into the bathroom. Robert's message was still scrawled across the mirror. I dragged a washcloth over it and it faded just enough to be a smear. Grumbling, I picked the flakes of with my nail and tried not to think about how desperate Robert must have been. How scared he was. I would be damned before I let Tyler back into this house. I straightened our toothbrushes in the holder, Robert's as neat as always and mine frayed from where I had brushed to hard. It was an endless source of amusement for my husband and brought a small smile to my lips. 

"AARON!" 

Liv's scream had me jumping away from the mirror and tripping down the spiral staircase. I didn't know that she had left the house but she stood with Gabby supporting her and her crutches in one hand. Both girls looked terrified, faces pale and chest heaving. Liv sent a frenzied glance over her shoulder, while Gabby ushered her to the sofa. I swept a pile of dirty clothes of the sofa and sat them down. Liv was beyond words, fists clenching at her jeans and I knew I would get nothing from her. So, I turned to Gabby, studying the disbelief and horror on her face. I perched on the coffee table in front of them, taking Liv's hand in my own and patting Gabby's knee. 

"What happened? Are you all right?" I asked, my heart racing, "Liv!"

"I saw...he's...Aaron, where's Rob? Is he here?"

I shook my head, "No, he'll be back later. Probably tonight,"

I expected it to relax Liv but it only made her more agitated. She tried to surge to her feet but crumpled back down with a furious cry. Tears were gleaming in her eyes and her face was set in fearful determination. 

"He can't come back yet! I won't let him,"

I frowned, "Why not?"

"Tyler's here. We just saw him by the pub,"

That twisted monster of a man had dared to show his face here again? Why? My heart went cold when I realised his intentions. He was waiting for Robert. My brilliant husband had escaped him and it was only a matter of time before he came back here. All Tyler had to do was bid his time until he could strike. I might never have seen him. Robert would walk straight into a trap. If I was a stronger person, I would have found a way to send a message to Robert and warn him but I was weak. I needed Robert here. I had to protect him. 

I leaped to my feet, startling the teenagers into silence and dashed for the door. Liv called out for me but hindered by her broken leg, she couldn't really follow. I took extra care to lock the front door and close the bathroom window. No chances would be taken with my little sister. Not again. Nobody dared to stop me as I barrelled down the high street. Once glance from me sent Rebecca running. I threw open the door to the pub, the silence inside deafening and damning. Marlon was behind the bar, uncomfortable and shuffling on his feet. He met my gaze and pointed to the back door. Without waiting for backup or even a plan, I stormed into the alleyway and met Tyler face to face. He looked awful, hair a bird's nest on his head, shirt wrinkled and his eyes unhinged. He stepped boldly toward me and his shadow fell over me. I swallowed hard, tensing, ready for round two. 

"Get lost," I growled. 

"Where's Bobby?" He demanded. 

"Far away from you,"

"I'll get him back eventually. You won't stop me,"

I clenched my hands and mirror his steps, squaring up to a giant and feeling like an ant to be stepped on. But I would fight him with everything I had. Robert would be coming home and he would be safe. Tyler smirked, showing gleaming teeth.

"I'll stop you every time," 

"He called for you, you know? Every time he was in my arms, whenever he was underneath me, he begged for you. Cried your name,"

Gritting my teeth I grunted, "That's enough,"

"I took him again. Broke him. Used him. In your bed,"

I couldn't think of it. Imagining Robert trapped underneath Tyler, praying but knowing that I wouldn't come for him. Not because I didn't want to but because I didn't know where he was. How many times had he been crying while I had been safe at home? I was at my sister's bedside when he was being assaulted. I sent him away. 

"Shut up,"

"Tell me, Aaron, does he sigh when you kiss him too?"

I lunged for him. Those little sounds Robert made were meant to be cherished. Something only I was supposed to hear. Tyler had no right to use them as a weapon. Tyler sidestepped me and a well placed hand sent me crashing to the floor. My nose skimmed across the gravel and I snapped around to kick at his ankles. Far to quickly, he moved around and brought his boot down against my stomach. The breath rushed out of me and I thrashed, unable to find purchase on his jeans. He put more weight onto my ribs and I moaned, pain shooting through me. Amusement rippled across Tyler's face. 

"I'll take that as a yes. I know Robert's on his way back here. There was no way that he could stay away from you for long. But that's all right. I've got ways of persuading him,"

"I won't let you hurt him,"

Tyler had the nerve to laugh and crouch over me. "Let me? You've got no choice. Robert belongs to me. He'll never be yours,"

I grinned manically at him, "He already is,"

So what if I angered the beast? It was worth it to see the fury on his face. No matter what Tyler did to us, he would never take that away. He could break me, take my body, my life but it wouldn't change anything. Robert was mine. I saw Tyler's fists swinging a heart beat before they connected with my face. There was no time to raise my arm to defend myself and Tyler decimated me. Blood spilled, cartilage tore and skin split. Tyler screamed out incomprehensible words, cursing me for daring to take Robert away from him. I curled onto my side, protecting my head but it only gave him the opening to kick me. I grunted as his boots struck my spine over and over again. 

_I love you, Robert Sugden. You've filled my dark days with love. It' s because of you that I learned to smile again. You're the reason that I survived. I'm sorry for all the times I hurt you. For all the times I pushed you away. I really hope I get to see you again._

Hurts.

         I was broken.

Drifting.

                    Up in space.

                                         Down in Hell. 

Menacing hands flipped me onto my back. I flinched away. His breath smelt of whiskey. His touch was like  _his._ I couldn't open my eyes. My skin was tacky. I was inside out. Back to front. Someone was missing. 

Lips at my ear. 

                 "Give up. Just die,"

A bloody grin at a devil, "Never,"

I'd never die when I had something to live for. 

"AARON!"

.................................................................................................

...Beep...Beep...Beep...

I knew that noise anywhere. Had been held captivated by the steady sound for hours. Using to it count heart beats. The next second. The next minute. Once again, it was for me. For a while, I faked unconsciousness and catalogued my injuries. The skin around my eyes felt tight and swollen. My nose was blocked and hurt when I tried to breathe through it. Moving down, I found a tender abdomen and an aching spine. My wrist was encased in a tight splint. A nasty beat down but nothing life threatening. The sheets were scratchy beneath my body. 

...Beep...Beep...Beep...

"For God's sake, turn that thing off," I grumbled.

Someone laughed, "Welcome back. You've been out for a while,"

I turned my head toward Adam's voice, wincing as it made my head hurt, "What's the damage?"

"Bruises mainly. Your wrist is sprained and your nose is broken. There was talk about a concussion earlier, though,"

My forehead furrowed, "Face feels funny,"

"I'm not surprised, mate. You're a mess,"

"You should see the other guy,"

"I did. Not a scratch on him,"

My eyelashes were glued together but I finally managed to peel them apart. Mum was snoring in a chair, Cain sat by the window with his head tipped back against the wall. Adam had moved to sit at the foot of my bed. On his cheek bone was a stitched up cut. I groaned and aggravated my ribs, clutching at my middle. Tyler had left my best friend with another parting gift. I peered anxiously around Adam, down into the hallway behind him and into the shadows in the corners of the room. 

"Where's Tyler?"

Adam shrugged," Dunno. He ran before I could catch him,"

I bit my lip, wincing at a split in it, "Rob doesn't know,"

"We've got a plan. Vic managed to get through to Rob an hour or so ago. He's gonna call us when he's in Hotten and I'm going to pick him up. I'll bring him straight to you,"

"Take Cain with you,"

"No, he's staying with you. We're not gonna risk it,"

I didn't like it but I nodded, "Look after Robert for me. Don't let him run,"

Adam patted my hand, "I won't. He's my friend too,"

Exhaustion tugged on my mind and no matter how I tried, I couldn't resist it.

A gentle hand carded through my hair, "Sleep, love. Robert'll be here soon,"

So I did. And I wished in every star that he would be here.

......................


	14. Wayward hearts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron reunite but Robert isn't ready to forgive just yet.

Come morning light.

Wayward hearts. 

Robert Sugden. 

 

 

Adam dropped me outside The Mill with the promise of 'I'll call tomorrow' and 'everything'll be OK'. I picked up my rucksack and scrabbled around underneath the stones until I found the spare key. There were no lights on in The Mill, just a hushed silence as if the bricks were holding their breaths. The walls still bore the scars, a slash through the wallpaper and a few missing ornaments. Family photographs were absent from the mantle piece and the coffee table was new. I could almost see the ghost of Tyler, hear the crashing and the smashing of our possessions. Bleeding and bruised, there was nothing I could have done to stop him. I dusted my hand over the back of the sofa, it had remained intact and despite everything, the memories I associated with it was happy. I crept up the stairs, abandoning my bag on the landing and breathing in the scent of home. A light flickered underneath Liv's cracked open bedroom door and after a deep, fortifying breath, I moved toward it. Liv was curled up on her bed, plastered leg propped up on a pillow, tapping away at her phone. She looked tired like the weight of the world had pulled her small shoulders down. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, loose tendrils framing her face. Some of the scabs across her chin hadn't fully healed yet. But just seeing her awake and breathing made something ease inside me. Tyler was wrong. I didn't kill her. 

I wasn't sure how to announce my arrival. A hello seemed to brazen but a knock seemed to formal and we had never been that. I fidgeted and huffed an irritated breath. Liv's head snapped up and her eyes went wide. I licked suddenly dry lips and hovered at the threshold. What if she blamed me for all the damage inflicted on her and Aaron? I shoved my hands in my pockets, Liv didn't once look away from me. 

"Uh, hi," I said. 

"Rob," She breathed, "You're back?"

I nodded, "Is that OK?"

Liv lunged across her bed, wiry arms reaching out for me with searching fingers and almost toppled to the floor. I caught her and her arms wrapped around my neck that it was hard to breathe. There was something hideously desperate in her hold that hurt. I adjusted her in my arms and perched on the edge of her bed. She felt so small in my grasp, nose shoved into my shoulder and arms still clutching at me. I shushed her softly as her breaths hitched. My eyes stung with tears as I held this stunning, spitfire of a girl to me and vowed to never take her for granted again. 

"Don't leave again," She whispered, "Please stay,"

"Oh sweetheart, I won't, I'm here to stay,"

It wasn't a promise that I took lightly. Part of me knew that I had no control over it. There was every chance that my next confrontation with Tyler or dealings with Kai would take me away again but I would fight to stay. Liv needed to hear me say it though, I could feel it in the hand she kept running down my arm. I settled back against the headboard of her bed and crooked my fingertips underneath her chin. Emotions had made her face flushed and her eyes were luminous with tears, I wiped them away with the pad of my thumb. She chuckled a little brokenly and dragged her sweatshirt under her eyes. Sometimes I forgot how young she really was. There were times when she was more mature than any of the adults surrounding her. 

"I woke up and you weren't there," She accused. 

I swallowed, "I know, I'm sorry. Aaron and I had a fight. I shouldn't have left like that,"

"Aaron told me what he did and I'm so mad at him,"

I walked my fingertip down her nose, she went cross-eyed to watch, I laughed softy, "Don't be mad at him, it's not his fault. We're gonna sort it out later,"

A childish huff escaped her lips and she leant forward to rest her forehead on my chest. I looped my arms loosely around her. 

"He made you leave. You wouldn't answer my calls,"

"My phone got broken. I wasn't ignoring you, I'd never do that,"

She hummed, "If you leave again, I'll break your kneecaps," 

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, I smirked, "Deal. Are you OK?"

"Yup. Look at what Gabby drew on my cast. Gross right?"

Squinting my eyes didn't make the drawing any clearer but I decided it was safer not to ask. So instead, I scoffed and let Liv wriggled back into her bed. Her touch lingered just a bit to long on my arm and her fingers clenched against my shirt. I hated that I had put this fear inside her. All I had ever wanted to do was keep her safe. I pulled her back into my arms and squeezed her so tight that she yelped.

"I'll be here in the morning,"

Liv snuffled against my neck, "You'd better be. Go see Aaron,"

With my heart in my mouth and I obeyed her. 

........................

The walk to our bedroom had never been so long, I felt as though I was walking to some sort of judgement. Even though Aaron and the Dingles had already passed it once and it hadn't been in my favour. My skin turned with Tyler's touch, he had kissed me against the wall, left bruises on my hips, rocked against me and made me whimper. I shuddered. The bedroom door opened soundlessly and I peered around the dimly lit room. The bed was new and I was insanely grateful. I didn't need to be reminded of the pain. Aaron lay buried under the duvet, the top of his head barely visible beneath the sheets. I wanted to reach out and hold him and never let go but a gentle snore stole my attention. Chas was curled up in an armchair, a blanket thrown over her lap and her head tipped back. The lines around her mouth seemed deeper and I hoped they weren't because of me. I crouched down beside her, shaking her arm until tired eyes flickered open. She smiled so warmly that it took my breath away. This was the woman who had once tried to convince Aaron to leave me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think there would be love in her eyes when she looked at me. She patted my cheek and smoothed over the gash that just wasn't healing properly. 

"Welcome home, love. You've been missed,"

Just this once, I leant into her hand, "Thank you for looking after him,"

She smiled, "He's my boy. Just like you are,"

Wide eyed, I had nothing to say, all I could do was gape at her. Chas took my silence for a win. I helped her stand up and steadied her as she wobbled a bit, shaking her legs to restore blood flow. Chas would never know how grateful I was to her. She had been my consciousness these last few days, my straight and narrow when I strayed. Without her, I didn't know where I'd be. Probably still in a rundown hotel room, drinking myself into an early grave. God, I wanted to scream and curse at her. How could she have told me those awful things? Shaking, my head clear of her venomous words, I wrapped my arms around her and her hands were soothing across my spine. 

"Chas, I...,"

"I get it, Rob. In the morning we'll call a family meeting and decide what to do. For now, talk to Aaron, he needs you,"

I nodded and let my mother-in-law wander out of the room, before turning to my sleeping husband. After shedding my coat and toeing of my shoes, I crawled onto the bed and unearthed Aaron from his cocoon. My heart ached for him, underneath the bruises he was terribly pale, almost grey and there was dark circles underneath his eyes. He looked gaunt and stretched thin. His forehead had been stitched back together and his nose was swollen. I brushed my fingers through his hair, frowning as I found a lump at his temple. Tears burned my eyes, Tyler had done this because of me. Because I dared to say no. Aaron's breathing changed, torn lips whimpering out my name. I stroked his beard, coaxing him away from his nightmares and to me instead. 

"Wake up, Aaron. I'm-I'm here,"

He did. Dark eyes snapped open at the sound of my voice and they filled with tears the second he saw me. He tried to reach for me but his arms got tangled in the blankets. His little distressed cries were agonising to hear. I freed him and brought his hands up to my face. His palms were warm, dry and so gentle against my skin. I didn't even care that one wrist was encased in a brace similar to mine. Aaron clambered to his knees, wincing before he smoothed it away and he mapped out my features reverently, like he couldn't believe I was real. I traced the outline of his lips and his strong jawline, mindful of his injuries. Aaron shuddered and took a shaky breath, one hand falling to press against my chest. Brilliant eyes the shone in heart break and joy stared up at me. How did I think I could stay away from him? He was in my veins. He shuffled forward and pressed our foreheads together. I didn't realise how much I had missed the gesture until I had it back. I cupped the back of his neck.

"Hello, beautiful," I murmured.  

"Rob," He sobbed, "Oh, God. You came home,"

And he sounded so thankful and so full of disbelief that it made me weep. A tear twisted down my face and splashed onto our knees. How could I ever make up for this? Aaron's face was damp against my own.

"You know that I can't stay away from you. I was always coming home,"

We were inevitable, our story was as old as time. Aaron's laugh was wet and high, his breath fanned across my face and his thumb rubbed circles on my temple. I brushed my hand down his back, remembering how Adam had told me that he was a patchwork of colours. 

"I didn't think you were. I mean, I hoped that you would but I thought that it would be to much. You know, what I did,"

He was full of fear and it was awful. I shook my head, pulling back to cup his chin and make those wonderful eyes look at me. They were dull, like he was absent behind them. Fear turned my blood to ice. I had left him alone to long and those demons had taken control of him again. 

"I was mad," I started, Aaron whimpered softly, "I don't fully understand why you said that but right now, I'm to tired to find out why. Tomorrow we'll talk and we'll plan,"

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't deny my anger. It bubbled just below my skin not matter how hard I tried to smoother it. Perhaps, Aaron didn't deserve it but it was easier to cling to it than to turn it on myself.

"I let him hurt you,"

I flinched, shoving away the memories that threatened to overtake my mind. I wasn't with Tyler anymore, Aaron would protect me. 

"I'm safe with you. You came for me. Thank you,"

"I'll always come for you. There will never be a day when I won't,"

Didn't he know, he couldn't promise me that? I glanced away, pinning my gaze on the door and Aaron shuffled. As he moved, he winced and I bit my lip, watching the pain flash across his face. I pawed at the hem of his shirt, waiting for permission before I pulled it off and stared horrified at the damage to his body. Adam had made it sound like Tyler had knocked him around but done no real harm. But I knew that I was lucky to still have him. Tyler had aimed to kill and I wasn't here. There were gouges, scratches and raw wounds across his torso and shoulders. He had been scrapped across the gravel. Why hadn't he fought back? There were no scrapes on his knuckles. It wasn't like Aaron to take a beating without giving as good as he got. I almost didn't want to see his back but I made to scoot around him. Aaron caught my arm and made me pause. 

"Rob, stop, I'm OK,"

"I need to check. You must be in so much pain. Have you taken anything for them? Can you? There's a heating pad in my drawer that might help, well there was. It;s probably not there anymore,"

Aaron stopped my frantic babble with a kiss to my cheek, "It's not that bad if I don't move quickly,"

I bowed my head, "I'm sorry,"

"Don't be, please,"

Aaron relaxed back against the pillows and opened one arm for me. I hesitated, afraid of hurting him worse than he was and exasperation coloured his face. He tugged on my sleeve and adjusted me until I surrendered and curled against his strength. Aaron snaked his hand up under my shirt and scrapped his nails across my hip, ducking just below the waistband of my jeans. My heart skipped a beat and I hated myself for it. I ached for Aaron's touch, knew that he would never hurt me but I only felt Tyler. How could I look into his eyes and resurrect his past? I couldn't even admit it to myself. I shuffled closer to Aaron, dislodging his hand but burrowing into his warmth. 

"I missed you," I confessed.

Aaron dropped a kiss to my head and held me a little bit to tight, "I missed you more,"

"Not possible,"

I played with his fingers, admiring our joined hands and our gleaming rings in the dim light. A car rumbled by outside the window and Aaron's breath was comforting beneath my head. Aaron drew the bed sheets up over us and tucked them beneath my chin, his hand back in my hair. I glanced up at him, saw the shadows on his face and the darkness hounding him. 

"Go to sleep, Aaron,"

He stiffened, "I don't want to. I might be dreaming again,"

That hurt more than I thought it would.

"You're not. I'm really here. Please, sleep,"

.......................................................................................................

 I opened my eyes to Aaron's awestruck face and a cup of steaming tea. Aaron's hair was fluffy and he was wearing a brand new hoodie. There was a new light in his eyes but a shine to them that troubled me. I didn't understand it. Aaron carefully placed the cup down on my bed side table and sat down on the bed. 

"Should you be walking around? You've just got out of the hospital,"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me,"

I always would though. It's what I was made to do. I glanced at the clock, surprised to see that it was early afternoon. Sitting up, I dragged the bed sheets up over my bare chest. Aaron's face fell. The last thing I wanted to do was upset him but I couldn't let him see the marks. I couldn't let myself be vulnerable. Not when far to many lives were depending on me.

"Everyone's downstairs, Rob. We're just waiting for you,"

"Why?"

A furrow appeared between his eyebrows, "They want to see you. They're your family,"

But they hadn't defended me. Even after knowing what Tyler had done to me, they had gone along with his schemes. My baby sister hadn't even looked at me, content to watch me be forced out of my home again. Chas had damned me and Adam had turned away. Why would they care? Did they honestly think that I wanted to see them?

_We don't want you here. Just go._

"Oh,"

"Have a shower and change. There's no rush,"

He ran away from me before I could even blink and I heard him thud down the stairs. I gulped, breathed and shoved the floral teacup to the floor, basking in the smash it made. I looked exactly how I felt. Shattered beyond repair. I dressed myself in a fresh shirt, jeans and a cardigan. Admiring myself in the mirror, I frowned. The colours were wrong, to bright and garish, the pattern to startling. Tyler had been drawn to my flamboyant style, he liked it, said it made me handsome. A beacon amongst the drones. That was the last thing I wanted to be. I needed to be strong but to hide away. I stripped to my boxers, purposely avoiding looking at my thighs and hips to raid Aaron's wardrobe. At the back, I found a navy sweatshirt that fitted me and a baggy pair of jeans. The clothes swamped my newly slender frame but they were perfect. A small amount of armour. Something Robert Sugden would never wear. I made sure to strap on a mask so fake it ached and went to face my audience.

.................................................................................................

A hushed silence fell across the huddle on the sofas as I descended the stairs. All eyes turned to me and I was starting to hate being the centre of attention. Aaron straightened from his slouch against the wall as he saw me. Liv swivelled around on the gaming chairs and beamed so brightly it looked painful. Chas sipped on a large mug of something, coffee I guessed and waved at me. Adam sat with one arm around Vic, keeping her in place with his hand as she seemed to want to vibrate through the cushions. Nobody said anything, we just stared at each other and the air was so thick it was stifling. Vic's feet tapped against the floor and I knew exactly what she wanted. 

I opened my arms to her, "For God's sake, Vic, come and hug me," 

She shot of the sofa like a rocket and slammed into my chest. I let out a huffed, pained breath as some bruises throbbed. She smelt of cookies and the same perfume she had worn for years. I let her burrow into my hoodie and ran her braid through my hands.

"I hate you so much," She whispered. 

"Yeah, I know,"

"Stop leaving me. I can't deal with it,"

I rested my chin on her head, "It's not like I meant to. I didn't know what else to do. Tyler was gonna hurt someone else and you...,"

My eyes flickered to Liv and I couldn't help but notice the chill between her and Aaron. I never wanted to be the reason for that. My arms dropped from Vic's shoulders and I stepped back from her, ignoring the questions on her face. This next conversation would be difficult and I needed the distance. If I had space then I could think. I would be able to weave the story they wanted to hear. I leant against the fireplace, my hands deep in my pockets and my back ramrod straight. The last time I had faced this clan, I had lost and I would die before I let them wound me again. Aaron made a strange noise in his corner and when I glanced at him, his eyes were shimmering and his mouth was hidden behind his hands. I made myself stay where I was. There were things that needed to be said and I couldn't comfort him while I spoke. 

"Where did you go, Rob?" Liv asked.

"London,"

"We thought Tyler had taken you to New York," Adam said. 

I fought back a shudder and nodded, "Yeah. He was gonna, nearly did. Sorry he trashed the place,"

Tyler had planned out our future, a jail disguised as a prison and a chain mascaraing as a relationship.  My own personal torment. 

"You should have come back," Liv insisted. 

"I had to do something first,"

Aaron hissed, "What was more important than letting us know you were still alive?"

I held his gaze, refusing to back down to his anger, "I can't tell you,"

Aaron slammed his hand against the wall, I jumped, "Don't you dare start that again. You owe me the truth," 

"I owe you? You know what, I'm so sick of being in people's debts. I'm done!" I went to walk away but found myself blocked by a stony faced Adam. Over my shoulder, I saw Vic move to stand behind me and Chas start to stand, "Move, Adam,"

My sister's husband shook his head, "Not happening, mate," 

I sneered, "I'm not your mate,"

For the life of me, I couldn't work out why he looked hurt, "Yeah, I am. If you'd let me,"

"Fuck off,"

Where had he been when I needed a friend?

"You're an idiot if you think we're gonna let you walk out. There's no guarantee you'll come back," Vic explained.

"Like you care. Get out of my way,"

I sensed someone crowd up against my back and it made a dry sweat break out on my palms. The people who claimed to love me, were trapping me in my house. Didn't they understand what it meant? Surely Aaron did. How many times had he lashed out because he was cornered?

"We'll always care," Aaron said so quietly that I barely heard it. His hand fanned across my lower back, "I don't think you understand how much you mean to us,"

"You blamed me,"

His forehead rested between my shoulders, "Not once. Will you listen to me and let me explain?"

"Yeah,"

Aaron stepped back, sensing my need for distance and waved Adam off. Slowly everyone sat back down but I couldn't make myself do it. I had to stand. To be ready for reasons I didn't fully know. I studied my nails instead and waited for someone else to talk. 

"Do you remember that night after the pub incident?" Aaron asked.

I nodded slowly, "You shut me out. Why did you stop talking to me? I don't remember doing anything wrong,"

"You didn't, please believe me. I met Tyler afterwards," My stomach sank and I huddled into myself. This entire time I had been right. I was being laughed at behind my back and strung along by two men determined to end me. I turned my face away and let Aaron continue to tear into me. What was one more scar? "He threatened me, told me that if I didn't stay away from you then he'd hurt me. When that didn't work he tried something else. He said that he had evidence against you and if he went to the police then I'd never see you again. I couldn't take the risk,"

I heard his question in the air and sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, "I did something terrible once but he's got no proof. There's no trail and I destroyed the evidence I had,"

"What did you do?" Chas asked.

I shook my head, the knowledge of the second hidden phone heavier than anything I had ever felt before, "I can't tell you,"

"Robert," Liv groaned. 

"I'm not doing it to be difficult. There's a lot of things going on here and it's hard to explain,"

Aaron dragged his hand across his beard, wincing as he pushed on a bruise. He must have been in agony, I spotted an empty seat on the sofa and almost broke out of my shell to drag him to it. 

"How can I protect you, if you won't let me?" He asked, "Jesus, Rob, would you ever have told me about Tyler if he hadn't come back?"

A heart beat passed, "No,"

He jabbed a finger in my direction, "Because you don't trust me?"

"Because I needed to forget, all right? I couldn't face what happened! I didn't want to be weak in your eyes,"

"You could never be weak. Stupid and a bit arrogant but never weak. You're the strongest person I know, Rob. I just wished you believed in me, in us, like you used to. But then I suppose I've given you no reason to lately. I really was trying to help. Yeah, I was a selfish arse but I couldn't stand the thought of seeing you in jail. I just...oh...what have I done? I've ruined us,"

And just like that, all his defiance and his armour shattered at his feet and all his agony was on display. There had always been a wall between us, Aaron was to used to being hurt and I expected him to leave me. I hadn't pushed against it because at the time it was something we both needed to hang on to. But only now did I see the damage it had done to us. Somewhere along the line, we had forgotten how to talk to each other. Our miscommunication had let Tyler inside. Aaron staggered into the wall and wept bitterly into his hands. His tears thawed part of the ice building inside me, just enough to reach out to him. I took him into my hold, turning him away from curious eyes and cupped the back of his head. He cried against me, muttering words that I couldn't understand. 

"You listen to me, Aaron Dingle. We aren't ruined at all. Yeah, I'm hurt and angry," I paused to let him wail and push a little deeper into me, "You didn't have to listen to him but I think I understand,"

"I didn't mean to hurt you. You're everything. Forgive me,"

"Oh, darlin', you don't need to ask me that. I'd forgive you for pretty much anything. I'm a sucker for blue eyes,"

He laughed wetly and his hands pawed at my arms, "I didn't know what to do,"

I kissed his temple, "I know. We've got a lot to work out but we'll get there. Just answer me one thing; why the hell did you go after Tyler? Alone?"

Why hadn't Kai come?

I didn't understand the sudden tension in Aaron's body or the sheer desperation in his touch. His wandering hands stilled and clenched into fists. He thrummed with anger and for once it wasn't directed at me. Worried, I pulled him back and saw a swirling whirlwind of shock, grief, shame and love reflected back at me. Looking at my silent family beyond him gave me no answers. They looked as lost as I was. I brushed my thumb over Aaron's lower lip, careful of the split and dragged him out of his head. 

"What happened?"

"Tyler's a dick. That's all,"

"Well, that's a given," Adam snorted. 

I let Aaron have his secret but knew that if it swallowed him up then I would force it out of him. Tyler had a way of making a man doubt himself. 

"I love you," Aaron whispered into my ear. 

"I know,"

.............................................................

The secret phone beeped once, I scooped it up while Aaron hummed in the shower. There was one sentence on the screen. 

**I'm here, I'm watching.**

**-K**

A chill shot up my spine. What in God's name had I done? When had I become another devil? Why didn't anyone stop me?


	15. Broken wings.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron knows Robert is breaking apart. But Robert isn't willing to listen.

Come morning light.

Broken wings.

Aaron Dingle.

 

Robert ghosted around the apartment, smiling a little to brightly and trying far to hard but somehow so absent. I missed him. Even when he had been lost, he had never felt so distant. There was a huge chasm between us that no matter how hard I tried he didn't let me bridge. I gave everything I had to knocking down this new, improved fortress around him and I didn't even dent it. He distracted me with hugs that felt forced and remarks that felt scripted. He didn't look at me the same anymore. The glorious spark that had first drawn me to him was extinguished. I didn't know how to get it back. It broke my heart to think that it might be gone for good. Liv tried to be normal around him but she stood just a touch to close to him. Her first question was always 'where's Rob?' and I watched her panic grew every time I didn't answer quick enough. Because there had been minutes throughout the day when I had turned to talk to Robert and he wasn't there. Usually, I found him quickly in the bathroom or the kitchen but the heart stopping fear brought me up short every time. Twelve hours. He'd been back home twelve hours and I was still so scared that I was dreaming. 

I watched Robert wander over to the mantle piece where our wedding picture should have been. I hated how uneasy he was. By now he would usually be dancing around barefooted or at the very most in socks that had a superhero I barely recognised on them. But he was wearing a pair of trainers I had never seen before and a hoodie that wasn't mine. Robert never wore dark clothes, he fretted that they bled out his pale complexion to much and I loved that. He was bright and animated, a complement to my shadows and moodiness. That's how we worked. Or how we did. Robert touched the chipped paint and trembled. I wished he'd tell me what happened in that hour he was here but he was tight lipped. I needed him to tell me that Tyler had been lying again. Robert showed no signs of the alleged abuse but then again, neither had I. And Robert was the master of disguise. 

I didn't want to crowd Robert, had felt how he'd reacted earlier when I'd touched him but couldn't leave him looking so lost and alone. I padded toward him, clearing my throat as I approached but he still jumped. He span wide eyed around to face me, his hand pressed against his heart. The week he had been gone had taken a toll on him. His skin was grey, he was thinner than he should have been and his hair curled around the tips of his ears. The crash had left it's scars on his face, one through his eyebrow and the other in the form of a wound that was still stitched up. I tried to remember when the Doctor had said the stitches needed to be removed or if they were dissolvable but I came up blank. And wasn't that just something else to add to my list of mistakes?

"Aaron! Don't do that!" Robert scolded. 

"I'm sorry, I thought you'd heard me. What are you looking at?"

He cast a glance over his shoulder, "Where is it?"

"Uhm, I've got a new one on order. It got damaged,"

Robert frowned, "I couldn't remember what had happened to it. Not sure I was really...you know...here...when he was wrecking everything. I did try to stop,"

I'd have done anything in that moment to hold him. He was trying so hard to convince me but ultimately believing that I'd disagree. I picked at my sleeve to stop myself but held onto those dull eyes. 

"I believe you. There was nothing you could have done,"

He snorted like I'd made a joke, "Yeah right. You've never believed a damned word I've said. Don't start now out of pity,"

"I always have,"

The smile on his face was all wrong, twisted into something he should never be, "Liar. We wouldn't be in this mess if you'd believed me. This is your fault,"

I flinched guiltily, "I don't wanna pick a fight with you, Rob. Stop trying to start one,"

"Maybe I want too. Maybe you deserve to hear it,"

I saw the torment and the shame coursing through him and welcomed the shine of emotion. Anything to break through the ice. I flung my arms out to the side, offering myself as a target for his anger. If it helped him, I could take it. I could take anything to get him back. 

"So tell me! Go on, don't hold back now,"

His answer was a dark chuckle and a finger jabbed into a tender bruise, "So eager to take the fallout now. Where was this understanding when I really needed it?"

"You know why I did it!" I cried, my chin wobbling. There were no tears in Robert's eyes, only anger, "I wish I could take it back but I can't,"

"You only want to do that because now you're the bad guy. For once it's not me. I know you, you can't stand knowing that someone can see the real you! There's nothing you can hide from me. I know every dark part of you and now so does everyone else. Hurts, doesn't it?"

"YES! But not because of that. I don't care what people see. I don't care what they think of me. I care what you see,"

Robert dug the knife in deeper the way only he could, "I see the man who forgot his vows. I don't even know who you are anymore. I hate you,"

My breaths caught in my chest and my soulmate was slipping through my fingers. Or rather, he was ploughing through them and leaving no way for me to fix us. He was giving up on us, on me. On the happily ever after we had worked so hard for. Behind the mask of rage and hatred, I saw the fragile man Robert had always been. The innocence that begged for me to catch him when he fell. I never had and my mistakes had damaged him. But not anymore. This time, I was made of steel, a fortified strength that would be enough to support the both of us until Robert was ready to face the world again. And even then, I would never let him walk alone, I would always be at his side. His days of battling alone endlessly were over and I meant it. 

Robert glared at me, all splintered rage and manufactured hatred, designed to get him through the next minute, the next hour, sane. Wasn't it easier to rage at the world than to let it fester inside? I stepped into his space, not touching him but just allowing him to feel my warmth. If he saw me honest and open before him, stripped down to the very essence of my soul then he might listen. My husband was still in there, trapped behind a shield but very much alive. 

"You can hate me all you want. Yell at me, curse me, hell, hit me if it makes you feel better. I can take anything you throw at me. But don't you ever say that I forgot my vows. Don't you dare think that I stopped loving you even for a single second. You, Robert Jacob Sugden, are my ride or die. I was stupid and I was scared when I agreed to Tyler's demands. I don't know what he had on you, I still don't and I know that there's a lot you haven't told me. But I'm with you until the end. So, you can try to push me out the door but I'm not leaving. And if you try to walk away from me, I'll just follow. I'll go to the ends of the earth for you and march through hell. Tell me again that I don't love you, I dare you,"

And Robert paused. His face creased in bewilderment and he rested his hands on his hips. I knew that stance. He was trying to figure me out, searching for deceit and ridicule. He'd used it against bullying clients and on my Mum occasionally. But he'd never get that from me again. I let my emotions flood my eyes and pour into the fabric of my soul. He wouldn't let me touch him, so all I had were my words and really, they never usually worked. Robert shuffled on his feet, glancing away from me and to the front door. I tensed, my breath held. If he ran I would make good on my word. He'd never be able to outrun me. 

"How can we work if you keep sending me away?" He asked, his voice small and insecure. 

"I won't do it again. I won't make the same mistake twice. This is your home, where you belong, with me and Liv,"

"I don't have a home anymore, remember?"

"Yeah you do. You have a home and two little sisters who think the world of you. You've got a best friend who's really sorry for what he did. A mother-in-law who has spent all afternoon cooking your favourite cookies even though she hates ginger. And then there's me, your idiot of a husband who thought he knew best when he didn't. I love you so much. But if you really can't stay here tonight then I'll call Vic and you can stay with her. Just please, please don't go out alone. Tyler's still here and it'll kill me if he gets to you again. I can't loose you like that,"

I waited for the words that would end my marriage. For confirmation that I would spend the rest of my long years watching Robert from a distance but never able to be close to him again. The nightmare of seeing him laugh and grow and love someone else because I had messed us up. I forced myself to hold his eyes even as my world was crashing to pieces at our feet. I offered him everything I was and prayed that it was enough to convince him to stay. If only for another day. Robert shook his head and prowled toward the door, never once looking over his shoulder. He stopped at the threshold, his hand on the doorknob. I didn't move. Robert's shoulders started to quake. I bit my lip and dug short nails into my palms. 

"Aaron," Robert called brokenly.

He turned to me, eyes swimming in tears and his lip quivering. I bolted toward him, scooping him into my arms and he let me. He felt so fragile in my hold, like one wrong move would shatter him. His chest heaved against mine and I ignored the pain to pull him closer. 

"I'm here. I won't leave you again,"

"How could you do that to me?" He wept, "You're supposed to love me,"

"I do. Every single day I fall in love with you a little more,"

"I didn't know what to do. Tyler was hurting me and you were mad. Then I escaped and I couldn't come home,"

I smoothed back his golden hair, kissing his forehead, "You're safe. I won't let him hurt you,"

Robert shoved his nose into my neck and shook, "You can't promise me that,"

"No, I can't. But I can promise to always stand at your side. And Tyler will have to go through me to get to you,"

His hands clenched around my hips, "I don't want that,"

"If it keeps you safe, I'll do it,"

Tearfully, Robert raised watery eyes to mine and I read all the doubt he was feeling. I caressed his pale cheek, loving the feel of his smooth skin beneath my palm. Last night, I had been caught up in my emotions and hadn't allowed myself to truly see him. To see all of him and how wrecked he really was. Robert leant into my touch, moving one hand to stroke my beard and jawline. His thumb grazed a bruise beneath my eye and his mouth twisted. 

"He hurt you,"

"Nah. Just a few bruises,"

"My fault,"

Robert glanced away, his gaze falling shamefully to the floor, his fingers tangling in my collar. I used the hand still on his cheek to tilt his face back up. Tears twisted down his cheeks and he looked devastated. I wiped away the moisture under his eyes. 

"No. Stop thinking that,"

I would battle every single monster in his head until he believed me. Until he could look in the mirror and see how beautiful and extraordinary he was. I would write him lists, sing him songs, stage an intervention until he understood. Because this man deserved to feel the confidence he projected into the world. 

"I want to tell you everything. I hate that I'm keeping secrets from you but I made a deal,"

My heart sank but I pushed it away.

"I don't like it but I'll stand by you. But if I can help you, please let me. We're in this together,"

Robert pulled me toward the sofa by my hand. We both moved a little stiffly, our injuries aching but I took his place against the arm and tugged him down to me. I didn't trap him to me, afraid that he would read it wrong and panic. During those times, I had been raw and arms around me had pushed me over the edge. I didn't even know for certain if my nightmares had happened to Robert, yet I couldn't trigger him. But Robert surprised me, he shuffled around on the sofa and lay against my chest, tangling our legs together. I held my breath as he tucked his head underneath my chin and sighed. 

_Tell me, Aaron, does he sigh when you kiss him too?_

I bit my lip, angry but terrified of Robert sensing it. Robert grumbled and reached for my arm, draping it over his waist and holding it close. I kept my hand on his shirt, refusing to dip below to the skin I loved so much. We needed to talk but I didn't know the right words. Robert had been so patient and gentle with me, those two words had never described me. If I said the wrong thing then I would break the fledgling trust he was gifting me. 

"Rob...,"

"Just hold me,"

..............................................................................................

"How is he?" Mum asked. 

We had retreated to the kitchen, both watching Robert sleeping on the sofa and unable to look away. Even though he was home, in a place where no one would hurt him, he had curled up in a tight ball and hidden underneath a blanket. He wouldn't sleep until I had locked the door and checked it three times. It took me assuring him that all the windows were doubled locked until he relaxed. I sighed and put my mug down on the counter, it's twin laying shattered in the bin. 

"He's scared and angry,"

"He's bound to be. It's understandable. Did you talk to him?"

I played with my wedding band, "Yeah but I don't think it did any good. He doesn't believe me,"

Mum glanced at Robert, buried so deep that all we could see was a tuft of blonde hair and her face fell, "Can you blame him? I saw how he looked at me yesterday. Like he thought I was going to hurt him. We've got a lot to make up for,"

"I'm trying but he won't let me,"

Mum brushed her hand through my hair, "He needs time, Aaron. Rob's been through a lot and in his mind, we weren't there. It doesn't matter how many times you tell him, you need to keep saying it until he listens. He's worth it, isn't he?"

"Without a doubt,"

"Well then, what are you going to do now?"

"Love him. Trust him. Never give up on him,"

"Good," She snuffled forward on the chair and picked up my hand, her eyes suddenly serious, "So what else is wrong?"

I looked away, Robert snored softly and the lump in my throat grew. Mum's eyes were so gentle and understanding and suddenly I didn't want to keep the dark secrets inside me. Maybe she had a way to help Robert. I bowed my head. 

"I think Tyler hurt Rob,"

"Yeah, we know that,"

"No. When they were here alone, before they went to the airport. I came back here and the bed was messed up," Mum wasn't understanding, "Mum, Tyler  _hurt_ him. Like Gordon hurt me,"

The colour drained from her face and she gasped. And my God, saying it like that made it real. It was the demon in the room. Of course, we had known that Tyler must have held Robert down against his will when they were together but it was different now. Robert was married to me, he had a family who loved him and he was supposed to be safe. Yet Tyler had still managed to force him like that, in his own house. How could he ever get over that? How could he ever feel safe here?

"A-are you sure?" Mum stammered. 

Big tears dripped down my cheeks, "Maybe, I don't know. Tyler said so but he might have been lying. But...,"

"But what?"

"Rob flinches when I touch him. He won't kiss me anymore. I want to believe that it's because he's still angry with me. But that's how I acted when I told him about Gordon. It hurt to have him touch me. What if it's the same for him?"

Mum shook her head, her hands over her mouth. She had no answers for me. I didn't know what to do. Sure, I had the first hand experience of those awful days after the attacks but my scars were faded now, aching but over a decade old. Robert's were barely a week old and I don't think he had given himself the time to think. I turned to look at him, snuggled deep in the cushions and snuffling in his sleep. His eyelids flickering as he dreamed, leg jerking. I payed he was having good dreams, maybe he was thinking about me, relieving our greatest hits. I had to save him. Before he found comfort in the call of a blade or the lure of a bottle.

Was I going to lose him anyway?


	16. Make you feel my love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron knows that he can reach Robert. It'll just take a little patience and understanding. They're not broken, just bruised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely reviews/kudos'. They mean so much to me. This is just a little filler chapter to show their states of mind before we get back to the proper story. I hope you continue to enjoy it.

Come morning light.

Make you feel my love.

Aaron Dingle.

 

I opened my eyes to an empty bed and cold sheets. Moonlight illuminated our bedroom and cast silver shadows on the floor. Stretching my arm out over the bed, I tried to calm my racing heart. The clock had just ticked passed midnight and the world outside was silent. But Robert was gone and he would never know how alarming it was. It was only his first night back in our bed and already he was wandering. The bathroom was dark and silent but there was a faint glow seeping under the door. I toyed with the idea of leaving Robert to his isolation, if he needed me then he would have woken me but the more I thought about it the more I realised how wrong I was. Robert didn't reach out for me anymore. He didn't even try. I clambered out of bed, tripping over a discarded shoe and padded barefoot downstairs. I found him sat on the floor, by the window and peering out over a dark garden. He had switched on a table lamp and had the radio playing softly. A song I didn't know echoed around us and Robert's lips moved soundlessly along to the lyrics. Every single part of him screamed sadness and grief, emotions that I had nurtured in him. I wasn't sure if my touch would be accepted anymore. I didn't know how to help him. How do you save someone who's already given up?

"Rob?"

Tired eyes turned to me, "Why aren't you in bed, Aaron? It's late,"

I licked my lips,"I didn't know where you were,"

Robert hummed and his eyes slowly drifted away. My stomach tightened, he was so distant and our once unbreakable bond was in tatters. I shut my eyes, trying to remember his laughter, his smile, his addicting kiss. But all I saw were shadows, tears and my inevitable lonely little life. An existence without my husband, one that I had brought on myself. 

"I won't leave you, Aaron," Robert said softly, "This is my home,"

But that wasn't enough. That wasn't a promise to stay, it was a vow to endure because he thought he had nowhere else to go. It wasn't the pledge of undying love that I had grown to rely on. Looking at him as he was now, dull and beaten down, I was beginning to doubt I would ever hear it again. Had Tyler really stolen Robert's shinning heart from us? From me?

"Did you have a nightmare?" I asked, opening my eyes. 

He shook his head, drawing his knees up higher to rest his chin on them, "I wasn't asleep. Just thinkin'," 

"You're supposed to wake me up when you have bad nights,"

A fleeting smile played on his lips but it was faded and splintered, "Next time,"

There would always be a next time for both of us. We would forever fall prey to the nights spent wondering why me, why us? Those dark agonising hours where we were victims of our fathers and past lovers again. 

"What can I do, Rob? How do I make it better?"

"I'm not sure you can. I'll be all right tomorrow,"

I sighed. Tomorrow would come with another part for him to play. The doting husband, protective brother, loving son-in-law but never the person he needed to be. I wanted to lock the world away, if only for a day and allow Robert to find himself again. I knelt down beside him, my hands clenching my pyjama trousers to stop from touching him. Up close, he looked even worse, as if he didn't have the strength to pretend anymore. He could take as much of my strength as he needed but I knew he wouldn't. 

"You don't have to be all right. No one's expecting you to be,"

"Liv is. You are,"

I flinched, "I don't want you to be anything you're not,"

"Yeah, you do. You want me to be the same person I was before this mess started. I don't think I can be,"

Shaking my head, I eased closer to him until we were almost touching, "It's not like that,"

He dragged shaking hands over his face and hid away from me. My heart lurched, how was it that I kept hurting him? Where were our happy days? The days of endless dreams and opportunities. 

"I'm trying to be. I'm trying so hard but I'm fucked up. Look at the state of me! I hate this and I hate me,"

I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his shaking torso and dragging him against my chest. If I held him tight enough then maybe I could fix all his broken pieces. If I could, I would banish the monsters that kept him up at night. Robert burrowed deeper into me, curling up on my lap and mumbling words I couldn't hear. I didn't care that he put pressure on new bruises or bumped my broken nose with the top of his head. If this was what it took to make him feel better, I'd do it. A deep rooted terror took a hold of my mind. How deep had Robert sunk into his darkness? He felt little more than an echo in my grasp, alive but without existing. I pressed a messy kiss to his temple, stroking his spine but staying away from his skin. 

"Don't think like that, please don't,"

"I can't even sleep in our bed, Aaron,"

I breathed deep and shoved back the tears. I knew what he was trying to say. Tyler hadn't been lying to me. I leant back against the wall, dragging Robert with me until he was stretched out on the floor with his head pillowed in my lap. I didn't know how to be the comforter but Robert needed me to be. Tentatively I brushed my hands through his hair, growing bolder as he arched into the touch. One of his hands tangled with mine, I gripped his slender fingers in my short stubby ones gently. 

"I get it. I really do,"

Robert flinched, "You don't understand. I'm...ruined,"

God, was he already in that head space? That place had caused me to scrub in boiling water and gargle with endless amounts of mouthwash. It had made me turn my back on happily ever after and the idea of a family. It had taken me sixteen long years and multiple attempts to give up to make it out the other side. I wouldn't allow Robert to linger there, to scar and mutilate his body the way I had done to mine. 

I wanted better for him. 

I tucked him closer to me, enough to feel his heart beat and hear him breathing. To know that he was still fighting. 

"You're not ruined, not at all. I don't want you to try so hard to be OK. I know you're not. After what you've been through...I really understand,"

A frightened eye peeked up at me and it quickly filled with tears.

"You know, don't you?" I nodded. Robert whimpered and hid that beautiful face away from me. "I'm sorry,"

"It's not your fault,"

"How can you stand to look at me?"

"I see you. My Robert. That's all I'll ever see. Tyler can't tarnish that,"

"He already has. I don't feel like me,"

I turned to look at the moon, a bittersweet smile on my lips, "Maybe you won't be for a while. But one day, I promise, you'll get there. One day, you won't feel like this. Tyler hasn't ruined you and he'll only break us if we let him. You're still the most beautiful man in the world. But I'm here, for as long as you need me and beyond that. I won't push you away again. I'll be strong for you this time around. You aren't alone anymore,"

Robert flushed and his hand moved to cup my jaw. I hadn't realised how much I had missed his touch until it was possible that it might be gone. He stroked his thumb over a graze on my cheek and I saw his face light up in understanding. 

"I don't want to bring up bad memories for you," He whispered.

"You won't. It'll hurt me more if you keep everything inside. I can't watch you self destruct like that,"

“I tried to push him off, I really did. But I couldn’t move. He was just so strong,”

“I know, Rob. Ssh.”

“Aaron?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not ok.”

His face crumpled and he reached out blindly for me. I caught his hands and pulled him gently into my embrace. Trembling hands seized the back of my dressing gown and he shoved his nose into my neck. I stroked my fingertips through his hair and found a scabbed over cut on the back of his head. He flinched and curled in closer but he didn’t cry. I waited for the sobs to start. He made strange choking sounds that hurt to hear. 

“I don’t know what to do, Aaron. I’m losing my mind.”

“No, you’re not. You don’t have to do anything. We can sit right here for as long as you need to. No one needs us.”

“It hurt,"

“I’m so sorry. It gets better.”

“Does it?”

I pressed my lips to his forehead, “Yeah. I’ll help you.”

“I can’t do that to you. Not after everything.”

His nose crinkled as I ran my fingertip down it playfully to get his attention. Those intense eyes stared up at me and I knew I could never let this man down.

“We’re a team, you and I. I won’t let you face this alone.”

 _"When the rain is blowing in your face_ _and the whole world is on your case,_ _I would offer you a warm embrace,_ _to make you feel my love,"_

 "Our song," Robert mumbled.

 

 

 

 The soft melody made a melancholy smile tug on my lips. The lyrics were everything I wanted to say to Robert but didn't know how to. I hoped he knew that. Even when I got it wrong, which I frequently did, I would fight for him. 

"Yeah," I agreed. "You know I love you, right?"

 Robert paused and my heart sunk, "Tyler said you didn't,"

"He was lying,"

"I didn't want to believe it but you were so distant and I thought that, maybe, you were hinting at it,"

 I threw caution to the wind and pulled my docile husband to his knees. Once he was situated comfortably, I cradled his face in both my hands, locking onto those normally passionate, expressive eyes. I thumbed over the damage left by the crash and a bruise hidden in the corner of his mouth. I could never live without this man. Robert leant into my touch and suddenly I saw his strength and his courage beginning to break through. He may have been beaten and abused but he wasn't broken. I would make sure of that. 

"You're my everything. My husband and my best friend. I know that I screwed up and I'm sorry. If I could rewind time, I would. It's not that I doubted you or thought you were capable of something truly evil, I just didn't know how far Tyler was willing to go,"

Robert gulped, "I'm not a nice person, Aaron. I've done something awful,"

I wiped away the threatening tears in his eyes, "You're the kindest person I know,"

"Then you only know crappy people. I don't think I'm coming back from this. You should leave before I get you killed,"

I lifted our tangled fingers together and made sure that his wedding band gleamed in the light, "You see this? This ring means forever. It means through thick and thin, in sickness and in health. We go down together,"

"We never actually said those things in our vows," Robert teased.

My laugh was high and thready but so relieved to see a spark of him still there, "It was implied,"

_"When the evening shadows and the stars appear. And there is no one there to dry your tears. I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love,"_

Robert turned his head toward the radio and a small smile appeared on his lips.

I cradled him against my chest, murmuring into his hair, " I've known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong. I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue. I'd go crawling down the avenue. No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do to make you feel my love,"

Wide eyes snapped over to me and I ignored my embarrassment to see the awe on Robert's face. The tears fell but there was something lighter about them. A strange hopefulness to them. 

"I love you, Aaron," He whispered. 

My tears tumbled down. There he was. Not gone, just a little lost. 

"I love you too, baby,"

Robert pressed frenzied kisses to my skin, "You said it. You said it again,"

I had no idea what he was talking about but if it made him this deliriously happy then I would say it everyday. His fingers lingered on my chest and against my jawline. 

"Can I kiss you?" I whispered. 

His answer was to touch his lips chastely against mine and hold them there until I got over my shock and accepted his kiss. It was everything I knew it to be. He tasted of coffee and chocolate, of heaven and addiction. His lips were sure and confident as they moved with mine. I drank him in, his lopsided smirk and that satisfied sigh. It was an innocent little kiss of new beginnings and better tomorrows. We still had mountains to climb tomorrow. Robert was still keeping secrets from me and I was holding myself back from him. But we weren't over. After all this had passed, we would be stronger. 

 


	17. Games the guilty play.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai makes his first demand and Robert lies.

Come morning light.

Games the guilty play. 

Robert Sugden.

 

Aaron fell asleep, heavy and warm against my side, his nose pressed into the crook of my neck. I brushed my lips over his fluffy hair, catching the faint scent of my shampoo caught in the strands. The orange light of morning cast a glow around the living room and dispelled the shadows. I wished it made the darkness inside me disperse but it only seemed to highlight it. Aaron snuffled and wound his fingers into my nightshirt, digging his chin further into my skin. I winced and eased his head back onto the arm of the sofa he had dragged me to when it became obvious that I couldn't face a night upstairs. Soon I would have to but for now, I was happy to live in my denial. Even if Aaron had stormed through my bubble of isolation and made me embrace the world. There had been no malice in Aaron's actions, only fear for my welfare but I wasn't sure if I had been truly ready to talk. Tyler's scorching touch felt as though it had been seared into my skin. I didn't want to acknowledge it. There were things that I would rather face hell a thousand times over than tell Aaron about. 

Yet, with every passing second, I felt the noose tightening. 

I walked my hand down Aaron's spine, smoothing his shirt over his back and sighed. I may have been home and despite what I had told everyone, I couldn't promise to stay. Tyler was a madman and Kai's debt could take me half way across the world. Aaron's leg jerked and pulled me from my head, a low mumble escaping his lips. I craned my neck down, my forehead furrowed and the fear on Aaron's face was a kick to the gut. The light illuminated his bruises and the grazes left behind but I couldn't look away from his rapid fear. He slammed his free hand down on my chest and nudged a healing rib. I caught his wrists and pinned them down, rubbing my thumb over his knuckle. 

"Aaron, you're dreaming, wake up,"

All my words made him do was toss his head like he was searching for me. His leg kicked out again and I managed to pin it down between mine. We'd been here before, when the nightmares were to strong and we both feared the black eyes I would end up with in the morning. A breathy whine punched out of Aaron that faded into a disjointed sob. 

"Rob," He breathed. 

I kissed his temple, "I'm here. You're safe,"

"...find..you...stay...," 

I tipped my head back against the arm of the sofa and blinked back stubborn tears. No amount of grovelling would make up for the torment I had put my husband through. I would be atoning for the rest of my life. I tucked him a little closer to my side, wrapping myself around him even as he struggled and kept mumbling my name. 

"It's OK, Aaron. You found me. I've got you,"

Tense seconds passed until Aaron relaxed with a happy sigh that brushed over my skin. My legs suddenly restless, I slipped out from underneath him and paced a few steps away. Aaron curled into the warmth and burrowed deeper into the cushions. In the absence of nightmares, Aaron looked so innocent and carefree, the man he should have been rather than the one he had been forced into. I loved him either way. Strong and independent, or fearful and splintered. 

What if my selfish actions forced him back into the ruined, broken man he had been when we first met?

To the lonely, desolate soul who had taken a blade to his wrists to escape Gordon. I traced the scars softly, once I had almost lost him to his demons and now I was about to loose him to my own. I couldn't protect him from myself. Aaron didn't understand that he should take Liv and Chas and run as far and fast as he could from me. Because Chas had been right all along, I was wicked and I was poison. And no amount of smiles or promises of change could hide it. My festering infection would set in beneath their skin. Aaron's love was my only saving grace and I had no idea how long it would last. 

"Don't give up on me, Aaron," I whispered, "I'm all wrong but I'm trying. I'll keep our family safe,"

Aaron said nothing and his silence sounded like an accusation. 

....................................................................

"What's that smell? Oooh! Are you cooking, Rob? What are we having?"

Liv finally emerged from her room and 9:45 and peered at me from the top of the spiral stairs. She eyed the stairs, her crutches under one arm and her eyes blazed in defiance. Before I could even say anything, she tackled the decline, her jaw set in determination. Abandoning the stove, I dashed for her, hovering at the bottom even as she waved me away and swiped a crutch playfully at my head. I ducked and earned a giggle that was one of the best things I had heard in a while. Far more gracefully that I would have been able to, Liv jammed the crutches under her arms and made her way over to the kitchen table. I returned to the stove, wrinkling my nose at the burnt omelette and tossed it in the bin, grabbing a few more eggs to start again. 

"How are you, Liv?" I asked. 

"Fine. Just can't wait to get this stupid cast off. It's summer, I want to go swimming," 

"Not much longer now, right?"

"Uh, yeah! Like another five weeks,"

Hell, had it only been a week since the accident? It felt like an eternity. 

I whisked the eggs together, "Oh, sorry,"

"Don't start that again. Where's Aaron?"

"He's gone to talk to Adam about a job. I didn't really ask questions,"

Liv sat in silence behind me, her nails tapped against the table. I added ham and herbs to the mix and poured it into the pan. 

"Rob?"

I poked at the omelette with a spatula, "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry,"

Bewildered, I peered at her and my stomach sank at her down turned face and hidden eyes. She picked at the cuff of her ratty jumper and I had never seen her look so venerable. I turned off the stove and took the chair next to her, reaching out to trail my hand over the back of hers. Her lower lip trembled and I had to duck my head to peer at her face. She just tucked her chin lower until I couldn't see her properly. 

"Whatever for?"

"For everything, I guess. You got hurt because of me,"

"What?"

She dared to glance at me and her eyes were full of tears and shame. I framed her cheeks before she could hide away again. Still the tears began to fall and each one was a dagger through me. Liv was one of the last people who deserved to cry. I smudged a tear away with my thumb and her hands came up to wrap around my wrists. 

"Don't you get it? Aaron said all those things to you because I got run over. It's my fault that Tyler hurt you. I'm so sorry,"

For a moment, all I could do was gape at her, this beautiful girl with a heart to big for her chest. Didn't she know?

My voice was thick as I answered her, "Oh, sweetheart. You didn't do anything wrong,"

She gave a breathy gasp and pushed her face further into my hands, clinging to me just as Aaron had done last night. Both of them, so sure that they were wrong when we all knew that I was the villain. And I hated that they took my guilt and made it their own. I tipped Liv's forehead against mine, her skin was sweaty and clammy and her tremors shook her body.

"I did. I didn't get out of the way. I couldn't stop Aaron or Chas. You needed me and I wasn't there. I messed everything up,"

I shook my head, staring into Liv's blurry eyes even as she shut hers, "Haven't you worked it out yet? You're the reason I'm still alive. I should be dead right now,"

She stilled, "What?"

"Tyler was aiming for me. I froze when I saw the car but you pushed me out of the way. I ended up with a sprained wrist and it's because you were brave enough to save me. Tyler wanted it to happen the way it did," Liv pulled back, only to throw her arms around my neck and forced herself onto my lap. "But if you do anything like that again, then you're grounded for life,"

"No way. You promised me Disney Land and Aaron dressed up as Goofy. I want to see it,"

I laughed, my breaths messing up her hair, "You just want to torment your brother,"

She scoffed, "Like you don't want to see it. Think of the blackmail opportunities," 

"As a responsible adult, I feel like I should be discouraging that sort of behaviour," 

I jumped as she flicked my ear, "Good thing you aren't a responsible adult then, isn't it?" 

Leaning back in my chair, the summer sun blazing through the curtains and with the weight of a breathing Liv on my lap, I threw my head back and laughed. And it felt brilliant. Liv's laughter was infectious as she rattled about her plan to get Aaron to dress up as Cinderella, Aladdin and Pinocchio. Her face clear, Liv climbed back into her chair, propping her leg up on my thigh instead. 

"If anyone can get him to wear that, then it's you, Liv," 

"So...you fancy being Gaston? Or Elsa? I mean, you've totally got the blonde hair working for you,"

I pulled on a strand of her hair gently, "As do you. Sleeping Beauty's pink dress would look nice on you,"

Liv stuck her tongue out at me and Aaron chose that moment to wander back into the kitchen. I bit down on my lip to smother a laugh but Aaron's eyes narrowed in suspicion. 

"What have you done?" He asked. 

"Nothing,"

Liv snapped her fingers in Aaron's face, "Hercules," 

Aaron's quick thinking saved me from face planting onto the floor. He curled me into his arms and held me steady as I rode out the last of the chuckles. But I didn't hear him laugh.

.............................................................

 Later, I sat with Vic under the shade of the sycamore tree and watched Aaron chase Adam around a table. They bickered and jeered at each other, Adam holding Aaron's phone just out of reach as they wrestled. The undiluted joy on Aaron's face made the lead in my stomach a little bit lighter. Adam and I had made progress in our friendship, yet I would never tell him how grateful I was that he was there for Aaron. I leant back on my elbows and let the summer sun warm my face, shoving my sunglasses further up my nose. Vic crunched on an ice cream cone, her sandals discarded by her feet. The wind messed up my hair and just for a moment, I let myself believe that the nightmare was over. That I could honestly relax in my family's company and be completely safe. But I had one eye on my husband and the other on the outskirts of the green. Being out in the open and making noise like we were put me on edge. Aaron yelped and I peered around to see him spread out on the ground, Adam standing victoriously over him. He stood up with a wince that would have been hidden if I didn't know to look for it. Aaron's ribs still hadn't completely healed and he was stubbornly ignoring them. I dragged the picnic basket toward me and dug around in the depths until I found the paracetamol tablets I had sneaked in. Vic settled down, her head brushing my elbow and pointed up at the sky. 

"I see a unicorn,"

I squinted at the clouds, "How? It's a fluffy mess,"

Vic leant over and poked my side, "You have no imagination anymore. Try again, Rob,"

"Snub nosed mole,"

"...Rob!"

I hid a smile behind my hand and motioned to a cloud to the right of Vic's, "A dragon,"

Sensing that I was for the moment, at least, taking it seriously, Vic shifted and leant into my side. I had hazy but cherished memories of blistering summer days lying in the farm, seeing castles in the sky with my siblings at my side. The hours of grass stained knees, pink lemonade and childhood innocence. I dropped my arm back down to my side and sighed. 

"You okay?" Vic asked softly. 

I blew out a gust of air, "Fine. Don't pinch me!"

"Wasn't going too,"

She sounded a little strange and I peeked at her under my arm. There were those damned shadows back in her eyes. The same ones that danced in Aaron's whenever he thought I wasn't looking or he touched me and I jumped. I sat up sharply, causing Vic to startle and scramble to sit up as well.

"I'm not gonna break, Vic. No matter what's happened, I'm still me,"

She wouldn't look at me, "We worry, Rob. The last few weeks have been hard for everyone,"

"I've been through this once before, on my own. Believe me when I say I'm fine. I'll get through this,"

A soft breeze blew between us, Adam swore in the distance and Vic finally raised her gaze to mine. I slid my fingertips between hers and let her hold on tight.

"We thought you were dead. Aaron was afraid he was going to have to plan your funeral and tell Liv that you weren't coming home. You're my big brother, I can't loose you, ever. You shouldn't even be outside. Are you safe?"

"I can't let Tyler rule my life anymore. I'm sorry I scared you,"

"Don't do it again," We both turned as Adam went down with a shout and didn't get back up. Aaron poked him with his shoe and threw his arms up. Vic sighed, "I better go and make sure that he's still breathing. You'll be okay?"

I nodded, "I'll be fine. Go save him,"

Vic stood gracefully and sprinted barefoot across the grass. I gathered up her abandoned phone and purse to slid it behind the picnic basket when a figure in black made me freeze. At first I thought it was Tyler and panic trickled through my veins but they stepped into the light and I recognised Kai's gait. He beckoned me over to him with a crooked finger and despite my better judgement I obeyed. I slipped into the trees before Aaron even noticed I had gone. 

Kai leant against the trunk of a tree, his hands shoved deep in his pockets and his sleeves rolled up, proudly displaying the tally marks on his arms. Each a completed hit and a life snubbed out. Nausea rolled in my stomach and sweat broke out on my hairline. 

"Walk with me, HotShot,"

I fell into step beside him, trying to make our interaction seem as casual as two old friends but failing miserably. Kai led me to a secluded clearing, out of sight but within earshot of Aaron. I could hear him calling for me and my stomach sank. Kai sat down on a bench and we both paused to listen to Aaron. 

"So, do I get to meet him?" Kai asked. 

"You'll stay away from him if you know what's good for you,"

He smirked, "Don't forget which one of us is in control, Bobby,"

Flinching, I looked down at my shoes, didn't I know it? 

"What do you want?"

Kai reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a stack of crumpled photographs. I took them hesitantly and flicked through them, ice in my veins. Each one of them featured Tyler and someone I loved. He was stalking them because I was to well protected. 

"When did you take these?" 

"Yesterday. He's determined, I'll give him that. Hard to scare off,"

"Try harder,"

"Careful. That's a dangerous line you're walking on. How far are you willing to go?"

Anyone else might have paused, realised how deep they were in and retreated. But I had called a hit once before, pushed a woman I had loved through the floor and cheated on another, all to save myself. There was nothing I wouldn't do to keep Aaron safe. 

And yet...

"Just stop him. He's already beaten Aaron up once. I can't let him do it again,"

Kicking his legs out, Kai hummed, a secret in his smile, "You need to be more careful. Tyler's gotten close to you a few times,"

A shudder rushed down my spine, I knew I hadn't been imagining the eyes shadows. I dropped my head to my hands, fending away the threatening headache behind my temple. Aaron screamed for me again, his voice on the wrong side of hysterical. I glanced over my shoulder, chewing on my lip.

"He sounds worried," Kai commented. 

I glared at him, "You're enjoying every second of this, aren't you?"

"Yup. You always look so lovely when you're stressed,"

Cold fingers trailed down my cheek and I jumped a mile, almost tripping over in my haste to get away. Kai cackled and prowled toward me, cornering me against a tree, the bark scratching underneath my thin T-shirt. I swallowed and shoved against his chest with trembling palms but terror made me uncoordinated. There was to much of Tyler in his touch, to much lust and excitement on his face. It was terrifying. 

"Get off!"

Kai had never shown an interest in me, if anything he had wanted Maxine but the man had always been unstable and unpredictable. A wildfire that I could never out maneuver no matter how hard I tried. He nuzzled against my nose in an oddly intimate action and stale cigarette breath wafted to me. 

"He told me what you two did. I didn't think you were a cheater, Bobby,"

"You don't know what you're talking about. Let me go. Now,"

His hand snaked down my waist and into the back pocket of my jeans. The bruising grip, Tyler's panting breaths and the cold sheets beneath my body flashed across my eyes and I forgot how to breathe.

Kai kissed my cheek, "Expect a phone call soon. I have a job for you,"

I staggered to my knees as Kai let me go and wandered away like nothing had happened. The photographs were crumpled in my hand and I stared at them blankly, wishing I could rage at the world but caught in the silence of shock. 

How could I fight them both? 

Tears stung my eyes and I forced them back, digging my nails into my opposite hand. Every single time, I brought it on myself and would have to face the fallout alone. I dragged myself to my knees, smoothing out the wrinkles in my shirt and shoving the photographs deep into my pocket.

I stepped out of the trees and blinked in the sunlight, wondering where on earth my sunglasses had gone. The picnic mat was empty, the basket overturned and a few cans of coke rolling down the hill. Vic's purse was opened and Aaron's hoodie had been tossed into the middle of the mess. I peered around, casting my eye over the happy families but missing my own. My mouth went dry and I spun in a circle, my hands starting to tremble. What if Tyler had them? Could he really take three of them down? Aaron was injured and Adam could have been taken by surprise. But then where was Vic? I was about to call for them when Adam came crashing out of the bushes to my right and almost making me jump out of my skin. Adam's wild eyes landed on me and he stormed toward me with enough thunder in his steps to make me retreat a bit. His face softened and I thought he almost looked relieved. 

"Jesus Christ, mate. You can't do that anymore," His strong but surprisingly gentle hand wrapped around my wrist and he turned back to the bushes, "AARON! I've got him,"

The words had barely left his lips when my pale faced husband tumbled out of a patch of brambles. Aaron sprinted toward me, faster than I had ever seen him move and shoved me hard once and almost over balanced me. But his hands tangled in my T-shirt and steadied me before I could fall.

"You great git! Where the hell did you go?"

"I needed a piss. I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd notice,"

"Didn't think I'd notice! Rob, I've only just got you back. Of course I notice if you suddenly disappear,"

I went to touch his shoulder but he batted me away, "I didn't go far,"

Aaron ran a hand over his beard, "That's not the point. I turned around and you were gone...I didn't see you go. I thought...,"

I took a chance and reached for him again. This time he let me and I dragged him against me, resting my cheek against his temple. His heart thudded in his chest and his breaths were just a little bit unsteady. I held him tighter, as if I could squeeze the fear out of him.

"I'm okay,"

For now anyway.

 


	18. Rotten to the core.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler strikes again and Robert suffers the fallout.

Come morning light. 

Rotten to the core.

Robert Sugden.

 

"We're out of milk," Liv whined. 

I turned into the kitchen to find her half buried in the fridge, fluffy socks barely touching the floor, her cast extended out behind her. Aaron slumped down at the table, present but still half asleep and I was amazed that he had navigated the stairs without injuries. I pressed a kiss to his messy curls and a pleased hum was my answer. He caught me around the waist and dragged me to his side, resting his head against me, eyes almost shut again. I adjusted my position to ensure he stayed in his seat, Liv pulled herself out of the fridge with an expectant eyebrow raised. 

"Yeah, I know. I forgot to get some yesterday," I said, "Rather, Aaron forgot,"

That earned me a back handed slap to my hip from my husband, "Shut up,"

I pacified him with a one arm squeeze. Liv huffed, crossing her hands over chest and motioning to the bowl on the counter top. 

"I'm hungry and I want cereal. I can't have it without milk,"

"So have toast instead,"

Stubbornness flared in her eyes, "I want cereal,"

"Liv, I'm not going out this early, deal with it,"

Mischief flooded her face and I already knew that I had lost the battle, "You'd let Aaron go without his morning coffee? So cruel,"

I groaned into my palm, feeling Aaron start against me and tug at my shirt. The tugging got more persistent the longer I ignored him, glaring at Liv as she basked in her victory. A warm hand curled around mine and I dragged my gaze down to Aaron's. He stared up at me, wide tired eyes and a pouting lower lip. I had no resistance against him anymore. 

"Aaron, please, don't make me go,"

If anything, his eyes grew wider, "No coffee?"

After a pointed glance out at the drizzle, I shook my head, "Not right now. Later,"

Aaron's hands wound around my waist and smoothed my lower back. That touch made my knees weak because it was one that would never hurt me. It may have been a little softer than usual but the love and the passion was still there. 

"Please?" Aaron said, "For me?"

"It's raining outside, I'll get wet,"

"So take an umbrella," Liv input, "There's one by the door,"

"I don't want milk. Why can't you go?"

She smirked, "You're dressed, I'm not. And Aaron's dangerous without caffine,"

"I'll make it worth your while," Aaron purred into my ear, his breath hot on my skin. 

And we all knew that I wouldn't win. Aaron and Liv had me wrapped around their little fingers. I couldn't deny them anything. Surrendering, I trudged to the shoe stand, shoving my feet into worn trainers and snatching Aaron's waterproof mac from the hook. 

"You're the best, Rob!" Liv called. 

Grumbling, I pulled up my hood and splashed outside. 

............................................................................................................

The village was grey and the streets deserted, only the stupid out so early on such a miserable day. Or the stupidly in love. I strolled though the town, deep inside the mac, my hands shoved deep into the pockets. I tried my hardest to fend away the paranoia that crept in. There was a blazing target on my back and two powerful, angry men were preparing to shoot. I just had to outwit them. Just had to be better. David looked up from his newspaper as I banged into his shop, shaking out my umbrella in the entrance. He coughed pointedly and I grinned at him, shoving the umbrella into my pocket to prevent it dripping on the floor. 

"Sorry mate," 

"Somehow I don't think you are. What ya doin' out in this?" 

I strode over to the chiller, grabbing a carton of milk and waving it vaguely in his direction. Passing the biscuits, I grabbed a packet of jammy dodgers and some chocolate, unable to surrender my sweets even though Aaron nagged me about it. 

"I live with lazy people," I declared, dumping everything on the counter, "I'll take these,"

David rang up my items and I remembered to grab a loaf of bread, some sixth sense telling me that Liv would want a cheese toastie for lunch. I pocketed my change, David dashed away with a swear to catch a box of falling cereal. I moved to help him but caught sight of a familiar poster tacked to the wall. It was the poster Aaron had made for me, somehow pristine where all the others were crumpled and ripped. Liv's mobile number was scrawled along the bottom, Adam's email address was written in neon orange highlighter across the top and Chas' business card was stapled to it. There was four people on that piece of paper who worried about me. People who had put their lives on hold to bring me home and who loved me. And still I lied and I plotted, prepared to leave them all behind again to keep them safe. I was a despicable man. 

"God, I forgot that thing was still up," David commented, "But for what it's worth, I'm glad you're back, mate. Never seen Aaron so worked up,"

I fought back a wince, "Oh?"

"Mm. Beside himself. I don't know what happened between you two, he said something about an argument and New York,"

David took the poster off the wall and laid it out on the counter. I picked it up, Liv had punched through the paper twice in her haste and someone had increased the reward. They had been desperate enough to make this, to give it to David of all people and I couldn't understand what I'd done to deserve it. David said nothing as I carefully folded up the poster and slipped it into my dry pocket.

"Things just got a little complicated. Thanks for putting the poster up in here,"

"Believe it or not, you've got friends here, Rob. We all wanted to see you back safe. Let me know if I can help,"

Dumbfounded, I nodded and picked up my shopping. 

....................................................................................................................................

It was there waiting on my car for me, a scrap of paper shoved underneath the windshield wiper and blowing in the breeze. It hadn't been there for more than a few minutes, it was damp but not soaked like it would have been if I had missed it on my way out. Balancing the paper bag on my hip, I freed the paper, my heart in my mouth as I unfolded it. I knew the handwriting before I even read the note. I had spent years fawning over love messages and poems that I couldn't see were poison in this penmanship. 

**I know what you did.**

The breath punched out of my chest raggedly and I ended up leaning against the side of my car, wild eyes leaping around the front garden. Tyler had come this close to my home and Kai clearly hadn't stopped him. What did Tyler know? That I dared to call Kai? Or maybe that I had dragged Max back into his orbit? 

Something about Aaron? 

I bit my lip, standing outside as the drizzle turned to a storm and contemplated my options. Spill all of my dark messy secrets to Aaron and destroy his faith in me or go to war solo and end up alone. Either way, I lost Aaron. I dragged my hand through my hair, making my fringe stand up on end and plastered a smile onto my face. My beautiful, perfect husband was waiting for me on the other side of the door, my slippers at his feet and a towel in his hands. Liv took the shopping from my hands and lumbered to the kitchen, only slightly hindered by her leg. Shyly, Aaron rubbed the towel over my hair, gently wringing out the rain and wiping the droplets from my cheeks. He peeled the mac from my shoulders and dumped it over a kitchen chair, ignoring my protests about the damp patch that would form. Liv cheered when she found the chocolate and Aaron gave me a blinding smile. 

"Thank you. Sorry, I didn't realise it was raining so much," Aaron whispered against my lips, "I wouldn't have made you go otherwise," 

"I'd never deny you your coffee. There's biscuits for you as well, I sense a movie day on the horizon," 

I made his kiss linger memorising his taste and how protected and safe I felt within his arms. One day, this would all be a memory. 

"I love you," He said and I cemented his words in my heart, locking them away for the lonely days, "So much,"

"I love you too. You know that, right?"

Aaron nodded, a secret smile only for me playing on his lips, "Never doubted ya. Not for a moment,"

My heart shuddered in my chest. Because I doubted his ability to stay and to forgive me when everything came crashing down. I snatched him to my chest, shoving my nose into the junction of his shoulder and holding on tight. He huffed in surprise but tightened those strong arms around me. There were a thousand things I wanted to say to him,  _I'm sorry, forgive me, I'm scared, don't leave me behind, I might not make it out of this,_ and yet, I couldn't find the words. 

........................................................................

"Damn it. ROB! ROBERT SUGDEN!"

I stumbled into our bedroom, a tea towel slung over my shoulder and my sleeves rolled up and peered through the steam emitting from the bathroom. Aaron's showers were always scalding and a constant source of arguments when he wanted me to join him. I leant one hip against the threshold, admiring Aaron through the glass, wafting a hand in front of my face. How on earth did I end up with a man who was beautiful inside and out? Was it stupidity to believe that I got to keep him?

"You called?"

He jumped, spinning around far to quickly to glare at me, "My phone keeps ringing. It might be important,"

"And?"

"Answer it,"

On cue his battered mobile burst into life and I dug it out from his jean pocket, discarding the handful on unwrapped gum that came with it. Aaron blew me an exaggerated kiss as I left the bathroom, shutting the door behind me firmly. The steam was the last thing I wanted in the bedroom. I answered the phone with one hand, using my elbow to shove open the window. 

"Aaron's phone," 

"Rob? Mate, where's Aaron. Can you put him on?" Adam asked. 

Something about his voice made unease prickle up my spine. It was just a touch to cheery, just loud enough to mask the noise beyond his voice. But I thought I could hear the dull roar of the pub. I reached for my keys. 

"He's busy right now. Can I help?"

A pause, "No, that's ok. Are you at The Mill?"

"Yeah. Has something happened?"

I peeked over my shoulder, Aaron happily distracted by his shower and an show tune that I honestly didn't know he knew the lyrics to. Liv was camped out in her room with Gabby and a stack of movies. No one was around to see me creep down the stairs and hover by the front door. 

"Everything's fine. Stay where you are,"

My eyebrow raised and I scoffed. Adam was a man of many talents but one of them wasn't tact. His voice shot through an octave, something had unsettled him. Not enough to call the police but enough to summon my still injured husband. To call for backup. 

"What's happened, Adam?" I hissed. 

"Listen to me, Rob. Stay at home, this once do as you're told," 

Straining my ears, I heard a softer female voice and recognised my sister, "I don't know where he is. Last I heard, you'd frightened him away," 

The snarling voice that answered her sent a chill up my spine and made my mouth dry out, "Get him here. Now,"

I tore up the path before I even realised I had left the safety of my home. 

.................................................................................................................

_"Just stay still."_

                             _"He doesn't love you like I do. He can't,"_

_"We were so good together once. Let me show you,"_

_"You're so beautiful,"_

                                                  _"All mine,"_

My legs trembled as I neared the pub, my heart tripping out a beat in my chest that physically hurt me. I hadn't seen Tyler since I had escaped him at the airport. It had taken him longer than I had originally thought to strike back. Why bother to attack me directly at my house with Aaron prowling around inside, when he could go for the pub? Half of my family worked there. It's exactly what I would have done. 

The pub loomed in the orange sunset and it had never looked so terrifying, so foreboding. The nightmare inside would tear me into tiny irretrievable pieces the second I walked through that door. But what else could I do? I paused outside, hearing raised voices and flinching at the shattering glass. I should have waited for Aaron. What good was I when just the thought of Tyler had me freezing on the pavement? When all I could taste was his mouth and his touch had burned away Aaron's loving one. 

"What are you doing, kid?" 

I snapped around, one arm raised and Kai stepped out of the shadows, "Don't do that,"

He pointed to the pub, "Have you lost your damned mind? It's you that he's after,"

Adam shouted inside and Chas screeched, something else crashed down to the ground. I gulped. 

"I know that. But it'll make him stop,"

Kai pinched the bridge of his nose between his finger and thumb, "For now. Jesus, Bobby, you've got to be smarter than that if you wanna beat this guy. Not give into his demands,"

But not giving into his demands got Liv ran over and Aaron beaten up in the streets. It could end up with someone I loved buried in the cold ground. 

"He's been leaving messages for me, Kai. I have too,"

His hand ran over my waist briefly, I jerked away, "Don't be a hero. We both know that he'll destroy you,"

I watched him out of the corner of my eye, hating myself for putting my safety in his hands. What would Kai's final payment be? More blood? Or an unwilling bed? 

"I just need to stall him just for Aaron to get here. He'll come,"

"You're putting a lot of faith in a man who sent you packin',"

"I know he'll come. Get out of here, Kai. Don't let him see you,"

The assassin clicked his fingers at me and sashayed away, somehow able to blend in with the locals. The silence inside the pub terrified me and before I could second guess myself, I threw open the front door. Despite the hour, it was quiet inside, only a few booths taken up in the back and a few people at the bar. I bypassed the booths and made for the crowd at the bar, my chin raised in defiance. Every single eye was locked onto me as I walked. Whispers erupted as I passed. I wanted to fall through the floorboards but I made myself stand tall. Chas saw me first and her face paled, her hand moving up to cover her mouth and she shook her head. Behind her, Adam stood with his arms wrapped around Vic and he had no idea how thankful I was that his first instinct was to protect her. I carefully avoided their eyes, could sense the fury in their gazes anyway. Tyler uncurled from his stool, all strength and muscles and sent me a smirk that turned my insides to ice. There was a cut above his eyebrow and it startled me. In all the years I had known him, I had never seen him injured. It made him seem just a tiny bit more human but it didn't erase the fear. He stalked toward me and I couldn't convince my feet to move.

It's him.

             Again. 

No. 

                          Don't hurt me.

"Bobby,"

                 _"It hurts! Stop!"_

A burning hot hand ran down my cheek, so lovingly that it made my stomach churn. All I could see was his face and how easily his beauty could change into horror. He swept my fringe away from my face, a move that just to make my heart flutter but now I saw it for what it really was. Power play. Ownership. 

"I missed you," He murmured. "You left me,"

And I would die because of it. Only this time, they'd never find me. Aaron would only get an empty grave to talk to. 

"Sorry," I whispered, "I'm sorry,"

"No!" Chas growled. Her voice broke the spell Tyler had over me and I stumbled backward with a gasp. Gentle arms caught me and held me up right, tightening when I couldn't make the trembles stop on my own, "You don't get to make him feel guilty. I won't let you do that to him,"

"I'm just trying to make him understand, Chas. He needs to come home with me,"

I tensed, Chas ran a comforting hand over the nape of my neck, "He is home. Get out of my pub,"

"Not without him. Bobby, we talked about this, remember?"

Stay and they won't get hurt. 

I shuffled in Chas' hold, loathed to break it but terrified to stay. Every single second put them in danger and Aaron was taking to long. I looked up into Tyler's face, read the promise carved into the lines and let out a sob. 

"I remember. But you said you wouldn't,"

"And you promised to stay. So what happens now?"

"You get the hell out of this village, that's what happens!" Adam spat, "Alone. Rob's staying here,"

"Are you sure about that? After what you all said?"

Chas stiffened against me, her dark eyes suddenly gleaming and her embrace grew a little more desperate. I didn't understand. I knew that they hadn't meant anything they said to me. And that even though it had ripped me apart, in the end, I did get it. Surely, they knew that? 

"Don't," Chas snarled, her voice thick, "That was all your fault,"

Tyler stepped closer, Chas dragged me back but my shirt sleeve. I sensed Adam at my shoulder and Vic wound her hand through mine. 

"Let's be honest, you've never wanted him around. I've heard all the rumours. He killed your best friend,"

The hush that followed was damning. I clenched my eyes shut and waited for Chas to realise exactly who she was protecting. For her to stop her charade of caring about me and agree with Tyler. Because Katie's death was one thing that I would never atone for and it would always be a chasm between me and Chas. Her hand slipped from my wrist.

"That was an accident," I whispered, "I didn't mean it,"

"Bobby, babe, did you honestly think that they could forgive you? I know the sort of man you are. Deep down inside, you're rotten to the core, just like me. You only know how to hurt people,"

I choked on my sob, unable to defend myself or even disagree. Everyone in this pub had told me the same thing at least once. It was a brand that I wouldn't ever escape from. For all my good deeds, I would never be able to change in the eyes of the villagers. Tyler wrenched my face up until all I could see was his eyes and I saw my destruction in them. 

I welcomed it.

I deserved it. 

"Tyler," I breathed, "Don't hurt them anymore,"

He wiped a tear away with the pad of his finger, "I know how to deal with you, Bobby. If you'll let me I can help you to lock the monster away. I can teach you how to be a better man. You'll never hurt anyone again,"

And didn't that just sound perfect? 

I could be a good man? Me? 

"How dare you!"

I blinked. Tyler yelped. Aaron stood in front of me, breathing fire and vengeance. Chas was at his side, her tiny body used to defend me when she should have let him take me. I peered between them, Tyler lay stunned on the floor, a thin stream of blood trickling from his nose. 

"Is that the sort of nonsense you've been whispering in his ear for years?" Chas hissed, "Get out!"

Tyler scrambled to his feet and mine slipped from underneath me. Voices yelled, screamed, threatened above me, people I knew and strangers I didn't. I dragged my knees up to my chest and covered my ears. 

_Rotten to the core._

_Deal with you._

_Only know how to hurt people._

_Be a better man._

_Rotten to the core._

A hand touched mine and I jerked away with a cry, smacking my head on the bar behind me but barely registering the pain. I just had to move. Had to fight. One more day. One more night. I lashed out with an uncoordinated fist that I knew wouldn't land but it might do enough to make them think. 

Just give me a second to breathe. 

_You're a bad man. I can fix that. It won't hurt much._

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" 

An iron like grip caught my hands and pinned them together. I screeched. Tyler laughed. 

"You can't control him, mate. Only I ever could,"

I'd rather die before I let that man own me again.

"NO!"

"Give him back to me,"

"I'LL DO IT! I SWEAR!"

"Rob!"

The grip on my wrists used my own momentum to tug me forward into a warm chest. One hand snaked to the back of my head, just below the throbbing and forced my nose into a scruffy neck. It smelt of oil, coffee and cheap cologne. It reminded me of home. 

 "Aaron," I breathed. "Aaron,"

"I'm here. Get him out of here, Cain,"

Feet scuffled across the floor and I clung to Aaron's purple hoodie. He shushed me, rubbing my back and settling on the floor to hold me better. The darkness hid my tears even though Aaron must have felt them on his neck. The sudden silence that followed was overwhelming and full of judgement. I kept my eyes shut, still waiting for the hammer to fall on my sentence. Katie was in the ground because of me. Chrissie's heart was broken because of me. 

Aaron nearly died because of me. 

"Rotten to the core. I should have gone with him,"

"Don't be daft, there's nothing rotten about you,"

My lip quivered, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt them,"

Aaron let out a long sigh, his hands curling around mine, "We know that, Rob. You were scared,"

"Am I bad?"

"No, Christ, no. Baby, don't think like that,"

But it was such a part of me now. The label was in my veins and tattooed to my forehead. None of Tyler's beatings had forced the badness out of me. If anything, they nurtured it inside me. Fed it. Moulded it. 

Aaron was the unlucky one who found me at the other end. 

"He's bleeding, Aaron," Vic said, "His head,"

"Hospital?"

Fingers parted my hair, "No. We'll deal with it here. Robert, love, let's get you up of the floor, yeah? The sofa's much more comfortable," 

I creaked to my feet, using the bar to support myself and batted away the helping hands, "Don't touch me,"

Hurt flickered across Aaron's beautiful face and for once I couldn't reach out to make it better for him. I didn't know how to. 

 

 

 

 


	19. One step closer.

Come morning light.

One step closer.

Aaron Dingle. 

 

A knock on the front door jolted me away from my sock drawer, "Oi, Princess!" 

Liv poked her head out of her bedroom, eyes narrowed and concerned. I waved her back into her room cautiously as the banging grew louder and more insistent. I hurried to the stairs, afraid to find Robert in a confrontation when he wasn't ready but downstairs was empty. I chewed my lip, that all familiar feeling of dread settling in my gut again, why did it only happen when Robert was absent? A sixth sense to warn me when Robert was being reckless and entirely too selfless. Creaking open the front door, I glared at a giant tattooed man in bewilderment. He raked his gaze from my head down to my toes and smirked. One look into his eyes made me freeze, there was nothing but ice and darkness in them. I'd seen men like him before, those with violence as their religion and pain as their drugs. For three months, I had shared a prison cell with them. The men who lived to make others bleed. I tensed, my jaw locked and my fists clenched. 

"Who the hell are you?" I barked. 

He just looked amused, "No one,"

"Then why are you here?"

The man twirled his beard in dirty fingers, radiating smugness and malice. I just wanted to close the door in his face but something told me not to turn my back on him. He would happily tear me apart if I let him. 

"Passing by. Got a message for you, from a red haired weirdo at the pub. Says he's won. Whatever that means," He beamed, bright and twisted, "He was talking to a pretty blonde fella,"

Eyes wide, I stared at the stranger, the man who knew more about the situation than he let on. He had to. Why else would he know to come to me?

Oh God, Robert what have you done? 

"W-what?"

"I'd get there quick, if I were you,"

Then he turned on his heel and marched away. I waited a minute for his figure to fade down the road and bolted down the street.

................................................................

I entered the pub to a nightmare. 

Adam's face was bleeding. 

Vic was crying. 

Mum looked as if she was carved out of ice. 

And a mad man had his hands on my husband. 

"I know how to deal with you, Bobby. If you'll let me I can help you to lock the monster away. I can teach you how to be a better man. You'll never hurt anyone again,"

I charged up to them, knocking Tyler to the ground before he had the chance to lie anymore. Because Robert was starting to believe him. I could see it in his stricken, gleaming eyes that Tyler had managed to strike him where he was the most vulnerable. His desire to be the good man that we all knew he was. Mum shattered the ice around her and surged forward, spitting maternal protection and love, all for the man she once vowed never to trust. I turned to touch Robert, desperate to bring him back to reality and away from the demons in his head and something flipped inside him. I had barely touched him before he was cowering away with a furious cry and a miscalculated fist. My heart shattered to the floor. 

He looked empty. 

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

He lashed out again, barely avoiding striking a stool, his head bouncing of the bar again. I caught him, immobilising his arms and ignoring him as he fought and screeched.

"You can't control him, mate. Only I ever could,"

I glared over my shoulder, wincing as Robert's knee hit my ribs and sent fire down my side. Tyler was enjoying every single second of the torment he inflicted on Robert. I clutched my broken man to my chest. He screamed, his heart racing beneath his chest and tugged on his arms. 

"NO!"

Adam tried to force Tyler out of the door but was nothing compared to Tyler's strength. He hit a table hard with a groan. Tyler laughed. 

"Give him back to me,"

"Never," I vowed. 

"I'LL DO IT! I SWEAR!"

I had no idea what Robert was preparing to do only that I couldn't let him. His words sounded so foreboding. A fatal promise that I had to somehow prevent. I tugged him away from my chest, trying to capture his gaze but he didn't look back at me. His eyes were hollow and dull. The spark that made him so magnetic had been extinguished. Tears sprung to my eyes, I didn't know how to get him back. Every time I thought I did, he drifted further away. How long would it be before I had nothing but a shell left of him? I cradled him to me, my fingers in his soft hair, wishing I knew the magic words to bring him home. Would it always be like this? Robert always leaving and me helpless to find him. 

"Aaron. Aaron,"

My eyes clenched shut, "I'm here,"

Vic came and crouched behind her brother, her face pinched in concern, "He's bleeding, Aaron. His head,"

I let my hand curl around his neck, "Hospital?"

Mum shook her head, "No, we'll deal with it here. Robert, love, let's get you up of the floor, yeah? The sofa's much more comfortable,"

He staggered up, I took his hands and he wrenched away from me like I had burned him. 

"Don't touch me,"

There was a void in his eyes that he'd never let me cross. It was full of secrets and shadows. I wasn't loosing him. 

He was already gone.

.................................................................

I hovered uselessly behind him as he staggered into the living room. The room held such bittersweet memories, happy ones of promise and those damning ones where I had damaged us time and time again. Robert sank gracefully into the sofa and dragged a cushion onto his lap, curling around it and looking smaller than I had ever known him to. Mum squeezed my shoulder and pressed a folded up towel into my hands. Robert didn't once look at me as I eased into the space beside him and dabbed at the back of his head. The wound wasn't huge or deep but the blood was shocking compared his his blonde hair and fair skin. It made my stomach lurch. 

One day I'd be able to protect him. 

I scrubbed my face clean of tears with the sleeve of my hoodie. Adam wandered in, looking battered but otherwise fine and sighed. 

"He's gone,"

For now. 

"Good. What happened?" I asked. 

No one said anything for a moment, Robert's breaths were loud in the silence. 

"It's my fault," Adam said softly, "Tyler was causing a scene and I called you. Rob answered instead and well, next thing I know he's here,"

My hand stilled and I bowed my head. The phone calls I hadn't been able to answer and lead Robert right back into Tyler's path. My beautiful, selfless, brave man had thrown himself into the fight to protect his family. His heart would get him killed one day. I snuffled, clenching my fist and driving my nails into my palm. The shock of pain brought me clarity and I returned to tending to Robert's injury. 

"It's not your fault," I said, "He'd have found another way,"

"Tyler said things. About us and...Katie,"

Robert flinched.

"Jesus,"

"I didn't mean it," Robert whispered, "I'm sorry. Please, don't hate me,"

"We don't hate you, mate," Adam assured.

Mum returned to the living room, placing a glass of water down on the table and taking the empty space beside Robert. He bowed his head and chewed on the corner of his thumb. I caught Mum's eye in despair, begging her to have the words to fix everything. I didn't. Everything I did only seemed to make it worse. How many more times could I fail him? I took my trembling hands away from Robert's head before he could feel them and jammed them underneath my thighs. He couldn't see me cry. I'd never let him know that I was splintering into shards because he was shattered. Adam's steady hand settled on the back of my neck. 

"You should," Robert hissed, "There's nothing good in me anymore,"

I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood, closing my eyes in dismay. What happened to the confident, glorious man who had swept me of my feet? The one who was full of mysterious and shame but somehow so optimistic and bright.

A beam of light in my dark, lonely little world. 

No matter how many times I told him, Robert never believed me. He listened to the poison that so many people had said. People who hadn't bothered to look through the mask and see the gentle man beneath. 

"Look at me, Rob," Mum said softly. I swivelled my head around to look at her, just in time to see Robert glance rebelliously away. Mum frowned and cupped Robert's face in her palms, coaxing his eyes back to hers, "Katie was an accident. A tragic, messy accident. I didn't understand that in the beginning but I do now. Love, you're forgiven for it, it was never your fault,"

All at once, Robert stopped breathing. 

I scrambled for him, forcing him around to face me, calling out his name. Tears streaked down his face but his eyes were empty. My Robert was hiding somewhere deep inside his mind and getting further away. I swiped my fingertips across his cheeks, rubbing circles on his temples, praying that my familiar touch would be enough security for him. Mum took his hand in hers and Adam stepped forward to brush his palm against Robert's hair. Distantly I heard Vic sobbing in the corner.

"Breathe, Rob!"

Nothing. 

"Rob!"

Nothing.

I slammed my fist hard into his sternum, "Baby breathe!"

And he did. It sounded like he had broken glass in his lungs but he managed it. Desperate to make him stay, I pinned my frightened gaze onto him and held him so tight that he coughed. I had to find the words to make him fight again. To make him realise that he was all good, just a little bent around the edges. I dragged him closer to me, until he was almost in my lap and my chin was resting on his head. 

"Let go," He mumbled. 

"No. This needs to stop now, Rob. You're killing yourself,"

He shrugged, "So?"

Ice flooded my veins and this time I forgot how to breathe. Suddenly he felt as fragile as glass and I panicked that a wrong move would break him. Would there come a morning where I would wake up to an empty bed and a letter? During these last few months, I had been terrified that Tyler would be the reason I'd loose my husband. I never once dreamed that Robert would do it himself. Chapped lips pressed against the underside of my jaw and I jumped. Hazy green eyes blinked up at me and long fingers stroked through my beard. I wouldn't last a day without him. 

"Rob," I hiccuped, "No,"

"I didn't mean that. It came out wrong. I'm ok,"

I didn't believe him.

"I need you to understand something, so listen to me and don't speak. The day that we met, you saved me. I was headed down a dark road again and let's face it, I probably wasn't gonna make it back. I didn't want to," I shared a glance with Adam over Robert's head. Adam shut his eyes and turned away, "You made me better,"

Robert snorted, "I hurt you. Don't you dare deny it. You wanted me dead,"

He'd never know how my words haunted me. In those few horrendous moments, I had stared into the face of the man I loved and let my anger out. I had no idea that he had heard me and clung onto them. 

"We just lost sight of each other. But I never wanted you dead. It was easier to be angry. I loved you even back then. Nothing you can do will ever change that,"

"You don't know anything. You'd be better off without me,"

"Without you I'd be dead,"

Robert sucked in a deep breath and gaped at me, face pale, "W-what?"

I shrugged, disturbing his head against my shoulder, "You saw the mess I was. I carved up myself almost daily. It was only a matter of time before I did myself in. It was you that got me to the hospital in time. You made me talk about Gordon and face what he did. You loved me. I'm alive because you were to stubborn to let me die,"

A heavy silence fell over the room. With the weight of my confession in the air, I couldn't look at anyone. I didn't want to see the sorrow and grief on their faces. To many times, I had put them through hell because I wasn't strong enough to handle it. Robert stirred, pushing up until all I could see were his freckles and golden hair. 

"And I'll keep you alive. I-I won't make the same mistakes again. I'm gonna be better,"

I pressed our foreheads together, the lump in my throat growing larger, "Tyler's wrong about you. You're nothing like him. And you're enough, always, always enough. Please, please, don't forget that. You're brilliant, remember? I can't function without you anymore,"

His smile was fractured and so wrong on his lips. The secrets he kept were slowly devouring him and I couldn't fix it.

 

 


	20. Fragile hearts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alarmed by Aaron's sudden fragility, Robert attempts to break his deal.

Come morning light.

Robert Sugden.

Fragile hearts.

 

I stared hard at the wretched man in the mirror. When had I lost my drive, my spark and become him? He looked older than his thirty years, worn out and faded away. Nothing more than a lingering ghost, a spectator in his own life. That was me. I was unravelling at the seams and loosing all my colour. In the not to distant past, I had been electric, charismatic and people were drawn to me. I enticed Lawrence and Chrissie when I had nothing but rags and dreams. Then Aaron fell hard and fast even though I twisted everything he stood for. I had never been a particularly good man but I had been alive.

I missed me.

And Aaron missed the husband he once had. The one who didn't shake in terror or lash out at him. Deep down inside him, the loathing had to be festering daily. After all, I was supposed to be the strong one. He was meant to be able to rely on my protection without worrying that I would break. He'd never say but I saw it in the distance in his eyes and the hesitance in his touch. This was breaking us and we were letting it. It was a penance for everything I had done. 

The steam from the shower fogged over the mirror again and I swiped a frustrated hand across the glass. The cuts and bruises had faded away but I could still see them, still feel their aches. I dragged a hand through my hair, cringing as my fingers caught on to long strands. The length was similar to how it had been all those years ago and it made my stomach tighten. How had I let myself become this pathetic? I'd escaped this madness once before, why couldn't I do it again? Because I couldn't run from it without leaving Aaron behind? Because I was guilty that I had brought my mess to Emmerdale and couldn't erase it?

"Rob?" Aaron asked softly, always so gentle and loving but my god, I wasn't broken, "What are you doing?"

"Nothin',"

His reflection moved in the mirror, eyes locked on me and his hands playing with his sleeves, "You sure? You look angry,"

I rearranged my face, splashing cold water across my cheeks to try and give him the semblance of normality. When I looked up he was closer to me, near enough to touch me but not daring to anymore. Not after I had shaken him off and never initiated contact properly since. I loved him with all my heart but sometimes, he treated me as though one wrong move would shatter me. I didn't know how to tell him that every time he did, I felt a little weaker. When he looked at me with pity and grief, a little bit of my soul died. 

_See me. Not him._

"Yeah. Did you want something?"

Aaron scuffed his toe across the floor, "Just wondered where you were. There's a Top Gear marathon on now. Do you think...will you sit with me just for a while? Please?"

There was something in his voice that made me turn to him. He sounded so painfully hopeful but somehow so sure that I'd reject him. Aaron stood in the doorway, hands stuffed in his pockets and his gaze stubbornly fixed on his feet. The tips of his ears were red and uncertainty rolled off him in waves. Had I done this to him? 

"Aaron I-,"

He sniffed, "Not for long, just an episode. Or half of one. I just...I miss you,"

I saw a remnant of another time in him then. The heartbroken man watching me through wet eyes as I dressed to return to Chrissie begging me to stay  _just five minutes longer._ My fear and pride had denied him every single time. How had I not seen that he still clung onto those moments? In a few strong strides, I closed the distance between us and crooked my fingertips underneath his chin. Blue eyes shimmered and he pulled his lip between his teeth. I quirked my lips at him and a hesitant smile crept onto his. 

"I might even spare you two episodes,"

His answering smile was blinding and the guilt was almost overwhelming. The last thing I wanted was for Aaron to feel neglected and abandoned. He was to important for that. I pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead and his hands came up and curled around my wrists. 

"Thank you,"

"C'mon, then,"

Aaron didn't move and I suddenly realised that I was going to have to be the one to pull back. Regretfully, I stepped away and Aaron's hand followed me, alarm flickering across his face. I dove back in, capturing his face between my palms and pulling him into a frenzied kiss. He gasped into my mouth and it sounded far to much like a sob. He clutched at my shirt and tried to tug me closer to him even though there was no space between us. I broke away just far enough to breathe and Aaron whined.

"I'm here, darlin'. It's okay," I breathed. 

This time, Aaron let me move away from him but he still laced our fingertips together and he clung on tight. I walked us downstairs, Aaron never less than half a step behind me. The living room was already set up for a lazy evening. The cushions were fluffed up, my favourite beer and crisps on the coffee table and the television on mute. 

"I forgot the biscuits," Aaron said and dashed into the kitchen. 

I sat down against my corner and dug the remote out from beneath the cushions. Aaron tossed a packet of digestive biscuits onto the table and straightened up, an unreadable expression on his face. He fidgeted and started to chew on his thumb nail again. Frowning, I opened out my arms to him, expecting him to seek comfort but he shook his head instead. He nudged me to my feet and rearranged the cushions and to my surprise, he lay down on the sofa and stretched his arms out to me.

"Just let me hold ya. For five minutes,"

It warred within me a bit at first. The need to be safe at odds with my desire to cling onto my independence and pride when I had so little left. But Aaron grew more distressed and I couldn't deny the security I had always felt lying against him, so I gave in. I let Aaron tuck me between his side and the back of the sofa with his chin pressed to the crown of my head. My hand wandered up his shirt, past the scars on his stomach to rest over his sternum. Aaron fiddled with the remote and the television burst back into noisy life. 

"Are you okay, Aaron?" I asked.

"Mm, I'm better now,"

I played with his wedding ring, "I didn't mean to push you away,"

He sighed into my hair, "You've gotta let me in, Rob. I'm not your enemy,"

"I know,"

He thumbed my temple, "I can't help if I don't know what's going on in here. I don't think you understand how much you mean to me,"

"There's just a lot going on in my head. I don't always react right,"

"Then tell me. Write it down and send me a letter if you have to. Because, this is tearing you apart and it's killing me to see you let it,"

I buried my face in his chest, "I can't tell you,"

He let out another noise that sounded like a fractured sob, "This is going to take you away from me. It already has. You ran away and I know I told you to go but I didn't mean it, I thought you knew that. And now you're back but you're so distant and cold and sometimes, I don't think you see me anymore,"

I frowned, pushing up on my elbow to see his face but he hid behind his hand, "What do you mean?"

"You don't look at me the same. All I had to do was walk into the room and your entire face would just shine, like I was the best thing you'd ever seen. But now, you look at me and you hide or you turn away. It's like you can't even bear to look at me anymore and no matter what I do, I can't fix it,"

Horrified, I wrapped trembling fingers around his wrist and tugged until he relented and moved his hand. Wet, wounded eyes stared up at me and tears welled up in mine. I shifted, pinning him between my body and the sofa, arms bracketing his head. Almost with thought, his hands rested on my hips and his thumb rubbed a small circle on my exposed skin. 

"You are everything to me. How can you doubt that? I'd be in a gutter somewhere if it wasn't for you. I don't mean to be cold to you, I'm just...sometimes, I get...lost,"

"I'm scared, Rob,"

I stilled, "W-what?"

Aaron met my eyes unflinchingly, open and vulnerable in a way he had never allowed himself to be before, "No, that's not right. I'm terrified that one day I'm gonna turn around and you'll be gone. That one day this, you, our life together will just be a memory. And maybe it's because of Tyler but it could be because you gave up and walked out the door. I love you more than I think you realise. Having to go on without you would kill me. But I can't compete with ghosts,"

"I'm not leaving you,"

He toyed with the hair at the nape of my neck, "You've already started too. Every day, I loose a little more of you,"

I knew what he was asking me for. He wanted the last secrets I kept locked up in my head. The ones that would shatter us. I collapsed down onto his chest, nuzzling into the warmth of his neck and wishing I had the strength to tell him. 

"I want to tell you, I'm in over my head, Aaron but I can't. It's better if you don't know,"

"How? How is it better? Baby please, tell me,"

The kiss to my forehead nearly undid me and all my lies bubbled to the tip of my tongue. I bit them back and shook my head. Aaron wrapped his arms around me and sobbed into my hair. 

..............................................................................................

Aaron's face was lax and soft in sleep as I eased away from him and crept upstairs. I dropped to my knees beside the bed and dragged out a battered cardboard memory box. It was the one thing in the apartment that was all mine. Aaron would never dream of touching it and Liv had no idea that it existed. The perfect place to hide my sins. Underneath a stack of yellowed photographs lay Kai's phone. I perched on the edge of the bed and dialled the programmed number before I could change my mind. It rang twice before he answered. 

"You survived then,"

"Obviously,"

"What do you want? I'm busy,"

I licked my lips, "I want out. No payments or deals. I'm done,"

Kai laughed darkly, I clutched the phone until the plastic groaned, "That's not possible, Bobby. I told you before, once you're in there's no way out,"

"Please, this is to much. It's not fair on Aaron,"

"Ah, yes, the Princess. Handsome boy, little bit grouchy for my tastes. It would be a terrible shame for him to be a widower so young," Nausea rolled through me, I clenched my eyes shut. _What have I done? Oh God_. "Or for you to be one,"

"I swear to God, if you touch him then I'll end you,"

"Don't make me laugh, Bobby. We both know that you don't have it in you to hurt anyone. That's why you called me in the first place, because you were to weak to stop Tyler when he needed to be. Your bleeding heart is the entire reason that he's still alive and you're in this mess again,"

There was a small amount of truth in his words. For all my faults, I had never meant to hurt anyone. Even when Tyler had me beaten in the back of an ambulance, I hadn't been able to authorise the strike that would murder him. But when it came to Aaron, no one was safe. 

"Let me out of the deal, Kai,"

He hummed, "You do realise that there will be no more protection for Aaron and Liv?"

"I'll protect them,"

"Meet me in an hour on the bridge. We'll discuss this further,"

"Fine,"

I hung up on him before I could listen to the dial tone. 

......................................................................................................................

It was nearing 8:00 when I reached the bridge, Aaron pacified with a lie of _'I just need to clear my head. I won't be long'._ The bridge was in complete darkness, the moon unable to cast a light on it past the clouds. My footsteps were loud on the wood and I wished that I had the foresight to at least bring a torch. Knowing that Kai was unlikely to leave empty handed, I had emptied my account of the few hundred pounds in it. I was saving it to buy Aaron a holiday to Ibiza for his birthday next year. But now, I had to ensure that he made it to next year. Maybe it would be enough to satisfy Kai until I could gather more money. A sudden wind blew down the brook and I shivered, zipping my coat up a little higher around my chin. A branch snapped in the middle of the darkness to my left and I peered into it, half convinced that I could see a figure. 

"Kai?"

Silence. 

"Let's get this over with. How much do you want?"

"Depends, pretty boy, what are you offering?"

Two men, one stocky and one almost as tall as me, melted out of the trees and onto the bridge. Their faces were hidden underneath caps and masks but I didn't need to see them to know their intent. I peeked over my shoulder, another man was stationed at the other end of the bridge, trapping me on it. I wanted to call out for help but home was to far away and Chas would never hear me. My phone was in my pocket but I couldn't dial without being seen. I cursed myself for my arrogance. I should have realised by now that I danced to Kai's tune. My life and freedom was fortified the day I brought his services. 

"Sorry, I thought you were someone else. I'll just leave you to it,"

I tried to turn away but a heavy, strong hand clasped my shoulder hard enough to send sparks of pain shooting through me. I couldn't break away from him and as always my punches were ineffective. The fist to my gut was expected but I still couldn't prepare for it. The air rushed out of my lungs and I doubled over with a cry. The men laughed above me and a well placed elbow to the centre of my back sent me crashing to the floor. My head bounced of the railings and a high pitched ring sounded in my ears. I blinked the dribble of blood out of my eye, my vision swimming in and out of focus. The tallest man crouched down in front of me, the denim of his jeans creaking and held my face to up to his in a bruising grip. I jerked my head away and was rewarded with a backhanded slap that sent me sprawling back down. I was dragged upright by my hair and something cold and unyielding was pressed against my barred throat. 

I stilled, forgot to breathe, prayed for Aaron. 

"Are you listening to me?" The leader asked quietly. I nodded as much as the blade would allow. "Good, I have a message for you from a mutual friend. This is just a warning; next time we'll take something important. You don't get to decide when you're done, he does. Get it?"

"I-,"

The blade nicked my skin, "Get it?"

"YES!"

"Good man,"

He shoved me away so hard that I rebounded off the decking and lay stunned for a few moments. I felt his hands riffling through my pockets and the cheer when he found the money. My parting gift was a boot stamped down on my fingers and a heel ground into my palm. I yelped, drawing my injured palm to my chest and shuddering. The nameless thug jeered and spat on me, the saliva landing on my cheek. I closed my eyes in shame, until I knew they were gone and wiped it away with my sleeve. Painfully, I dragged myself upright and stumbled down the street. I didn't have the strength to hide myself but for one encountered no one but there were angry eyes burning into my back as I moved. 

......................................................................

I almost dropped my keys and I fumbled with the lock with only one working hand. The other throbbed in time with my pulse and there was a strange murkiness in my head. Finally succeeding in opening my front door, I stumbled into the downstairs bathroom and switched on the light. I flinched against the glow and groaned at the fresh cut on my forehead. It wasn't that deep but blood coated one side of my face gruesomely. What was another head injury to my collection? I dampened a towel and pressed it against the gash, wincing as I did so before slumping down on the toilet seat. I was supposed to be the cunning one. How had I not realised that I was walking into a trap? Of course Kai would never let me go. He had his claws in me just as much as Tyler did. What could I do? The bathroom door was flung open and I stared slack jawed at a stunned Liv. For a moment neither of us spoke and Liv's eyes tracked the blood on my face and the hand curled to my ribs. 

"Jesus, Rob. What happened to you?" She gasped. 

"I fell!"

"From what? The quarry?"

"Down the stairs,"

She scoffed, creeping forward to get a better look at my injury, "I've been down here all night. It wasn't ours,"

"Where's Aaron?"

"Chas called in a panic about a mouse or something. Don't change the subject, I know a lie when I see one,"

"Leave it, Liv, it's fine,"

She bit her lip, "You haven't seen your face then. It's bad,"

I batted her concern aside, pulling the towel away to check the amount of blood on it. There was slightly more than I had anticipated, "Nah, it's fine. It'll look better tomorrow,"

"Are you kidding me? You're gonna be all colours of the rainbow in the morning. I should call Aaron, you might have a concussion,"

"No!" She startled at my shout, "You can't tell him,"

Her jaw dropped, "I don't think you can hide this from him, Rob. He's a bit slow sometimes but even he can't miss this,"

"It'll just worry him,"

Liv pressed the towel back to my temple and frowned at my hand. I shoved it out of sight. Her face pinched and her hand dusted across my arm. Sometimes, she let her touch linger a little too long or sat a little too close. 

"Did Tyler do this?"

I hesitated and Liv came to her own conclusions. Tears leaked out of her eyes and I tugged her against me, sheltering her from the nightmare I had brought to her doorstep. I had to find a way out of the deal. I didn't even know what Tyler's demands would be but I knew that they would be awful. Liv couldn't get caught in the crossfire again. I pressed my lips to her hair and stroked her back soothingly. The front door flew open and Aaron charged into the house. His usual lack of grace made me smile, I'd never survive without him. Liv stirred in my arms and offered me a watery smile before she left the room and I heard frenzied whispering on the other side of the door. I dropped my head to my hand and swallowed back my tears. 

I wasn't going to survive the year. 

Aaron would be a widower before he turned twenty-seven. 

There was no way out. 

"Baby?"

I couldn't make myself look at him. Couldn't let him see what my mistakes had caused. He linked our little fingers together and hung on tight. I kissed his knuckles and felt them shake. 

"I've made such a mess of everything, Aaron,"

"Then we'll fix it. Together. Like we always do,"

I shook my head, "This is different. You can't save me,"

Aaron pushed in between my knees and cupped my face, his eyes watering. This man was beautiful and perfect and nothing I deserved. I wanted to keep him forever but I didn't think I was allowed to. 

"Yes, I can. Don't you dare give up on me, Robert. Don't you dare,"

"It's so hard. I'm so tired,"

"Is it Tyler? Did he do this to you? Tell me, it's ok, I won't be mad. I won't go after him,"

"No...I....uhm..."

"It's all right, I get it. C'mon, let's get you up to bed,"

_Oh, Aaron, I don't deserve you._

_I never did._


	21. Calm before the storm.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Vic clash and Robert finally accepts that there's no way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for the delay in chapters but I suffered a fairly serious hand injury that left me unable to type. Now that I am over the worst, I plan to begin to publish a chapter weekly. Thank you for your patience.

Come morning light.

Robert Sugden.

The calm before the storm. 

 

"This is nice," Vic said, the steam from her coffee curling into her face, "We never just sit anymore,"

I wrapped my hands tight around my mug, basking in the heat and smiled indulgently at my sister. It was made of jagged pieces and rough edges but it made something in her eyes soften just enough. Three days had passed since that attack and the purple splotches on my cheek had faded to yellow that disappeared underneath the right lighting. My hand was still tender and the wrong movement made pain shot through it but I was coping with it. Aaron didn't know that it hurt, I'd fallen back into the useful but hated ability to make him look the other way. I gave him something else to focus on, not enough for him to obsess over it but just enough to keep his mind busy. 

"You don't need to babysit me, Vic. I'm okay now,"

She sipped on her coffee, her face carefully blank and swallowed with a wince, "I'm not babysitting you. You're my brother and we don't spend time together anymore. I miss you,"

"So it's just a coincidence you picked today for a catch up then? The very day that Aaron and Adam are out on a job and unlikely to be back much before midnight. Don't insult me,"

Timidly, she shrunk down in her seat and dropped her eyes away. None of them were especially talented in hiding their emotions around me. Vic and Liv tended to try to hard and laugh to loudly, Adam's jokes became far to forced and Chas stroked my hair so lovingly in a way she never had before. And Aaron...Aaron loved me to fiercely, held on to tight and made himself sick by trying to keep me sane. 

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose and closing my eyes. I heard Vic shuffle in her seat uneasily and her chair scrape across the floor. 

"We're worried about you, Rob. Tyler's still roaming around the village and you don't seem to be in a hurry to get rid of him. Chas thinks that...,"

Narrowed eyed, I stared at her, my heart racing out a painful beat in my chest, "Chas thinks what?"

Vic licked her lips, "S-she's worried that it's some sort of Stockholm syndrome. That now that he's back in your life, you can't bare to be without him. And that maybe...in some twisted way...you still love him,"

I shoved away from the table so hard that I forced it closer to Vic and sent my chair clattering to the floor. My coffee cup toppled over and drenched the table, staining the paperwork I had been working on. Pain erupted in my hand and it took me a second to feel my fists shaking against my sides. There was nothing but a dull roar in my head, Tyler's moans in my ear and his hands around my neck.

_"I love you, Bobby, don't you love me?"_

"You honestly think I could still love him? After everything he's done to me? What kind of fool do you think I am? I don't,"

"Then why is he still here? What does he have over you?"

A chill shot up my spine and I ended up with the kitchen counter pressed against my back to stay standing. Vic moved from her seat, approaching me with an insulting caution, her lip quivering. My fingers tangled in my hair, tugging on the roots until it hurt and then pulling harder to make it even worse. How could I look her in the eye if I told her everything? She knew that there was wickedness in me but she still held on to the belief that deep down inside, there was a spark of good. Vic didn't know that Tyler had locked me in his apartment for days because I smiled at another man. She thought that the reason I never came home was because I was being stubborn and childish, it had never crossed her mind that I physically couldn't. Not even Aaron knew about the nights so dark that I prayed to never wake up. The time when I had almost made it happen. 

Frustrated by the tears building in my eyes, I spun around and hid away from her, "I hate him so much, Vic. Tyler ruined me. I want him to leave, I've never wanted anything more but he won't. Not unless I give him what he wants. And I can't. I can't go with him. He'll kill me,"

The heat of Vic's palm seared through my shirt, "Then go to the police. Tell them what he did. They can help,"

I shook my head, "You don't understand. I can't do that either,"

"Why not?"

Vic's voice was thick with tears and she had both hands gripping fistfuls of my shirt. I bowed my head, the weight of everything crashing down on me. I wanted to tell her, to give someone else the burden if only for a moment but I couldn't. She didn't deserve that. 

"Because it won't be just him that gets arrested. There's a lot that I haven't told anyone. I'm not going to, so don't ask. Aaron doesn't know,"

"Why won't you let us help you?"

I snorted, "What can you do, Vic? Tyler ran Liv over and beat Aaron half to death. He'll kill you,"

At her silence, I glanced over my shoulder only to see fire blazing in her eyes and tears drying on her cheeks. She stepped forward and stabbed a sharp nail into my chest.

"Stop using us as an excuse. Yeah, he could come after me or try to take out Aaron again. And you're letting him because you're keeping secrets. Again. He keeps blindsiding us because you're to afraid to tell us everything. You're putting us in danger by keeping us in the dark,"

My hands trembled at my sides and I gritted my teeth. Why couldn't anyone trust me to handle it? I may be in over my head and heading for an early grave but I would be the only one to suffer. No one else would get hurt because of me. I knocked Vic's hand away from me, cringing at the hurt that flickered across her face. 

"Knowing what Tyler did won't protect you. And trust me, you don't want to know,"

She squared up to me, her tiny stature barely brushing my shoulders and the passion in her eyes were so much like Mum's. I envied Vic's strength, I wished I had half as much. I might have been able to be a better man if I had it. 

"Try me," She hissed, stretched up on her toes. 

"No. Go home, Vic. I'm tired," I turned to leave but her arm shot out and blocked me. Wide eyed, I stared down at her, she looked uncomfortable but determined. That expression had never bode well for me, "Move,"

"Not until you talk to me. You didn't even tell me who Tyler was, I had to find out from Adam and I deserve to know,"

"Deserve to know? Vic please, drop it. I don't want to tell you,"

With a garbled scream she shoved me, not enough to knock me over but hard enough to send me stumbling back a few steps. My wayward hand struck a saucepan Liv had left out and agony enveloped me. When the haze cleared, Vic's cool hand was framing my clammy face and she was repeating my name over and over again. The kitchen tiles were cold beneath me and the cabinet handle dug into my back. She saw the clarity return to me and folded herself into my chest, mechanically I wrapped my arms around her. 

"I just want to understand. I've already lost one brother and I can't loose you again. Tell me how to help you,"

How could I? Because then she'd have to know about Dad. I'd have to tarnish our father's memory for her. All I had to do was close my eyes to see the bushy haired girl with the crooked front teeth. And the thought of telling that girl, the one who adored her daddy and thought he hung the moon, that he had hurt her big brother was excruciating. I wouldn't be the reason that Vic lost that last shred of innocence. 

I pressed my lips to her forehead, "I don't know. I really don't. I'm so sorry that I dragged everyone into this. I just...I didn't want to be alone again,"

"You're not alone. You'll never be again. This isn't your fault. I'm here, I'll protect you,"

I laughed wetly into her hair, "You'll terrify him,"

She settled against me a little more comfortably, "I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when it all started,"

"I'm glad you where nowhere near him,"

"Rob?"

"Yeah?"

"If you won't tell me, then tell Aaron. Please,"

I tipped my head back against the cabinet, "I'll think about it,"

.....................................................................................................

My phone rang as I wandered aimlessly through the village, waving meekly at Paddy and avoiding Chas and the pub. I didn't blame her for worrying but I was irritated that she had told my sister. Because it probably meant that she had mentioned it to Aaron and now his actions made sense. The almost manic terror that I saw in his eyes when I wasn't supposed to had a foundation. I sensed another emotional evening looming. Sometimes, I couldn't believe that Aaron was the same man I had met two short years ago. The one who blushed at a compliment and tripped over his words the first time he said he loved me. The one who ran when things got tough. 

I answered the phone without glancing at the number, "Hello?"

"Hello Bobby,"

I froze.

The world stopped turning. 

I could feel Tyler gloating on the other end of the phone. 

"H-how did you get this number?"

"Aaron can be a little forgetful at times, can't he? He left his phone on the bar at the pub and I couldn't resist a peek. There's some naughty photos on there, babe,"

I knew exactly what photographs Aaron kept on his phone. The secrets ones that he denied ever taking. Of me sprawled across the bed, basking in the afterglow, defenceless in a way I only ever wanted Aaron to see. Revulsion rolled through me and only breathing rhythmically through my mouth quenched it. The ground swayed a little underneath my feet until I had to drop down heavily to a nearby bench.

"His phone has a PIN," I whispered.

"Mm, your birthday. Cute," I glanced around, horrified to find the streets deserted for once, "Hang up the phone and you'll regret it,"

I swallowed back a shudder, "What do you want?"

"To talk. We were distracted last time,"

"I don't want to talk to you,"

"I don't care what you want!" I flinched, hovering on the edge of hyperventilating. "I want you to know where I am. Go on, ask me,"

I dragged me knees up to my chest and buried my face in them, "Where are you?"

"Sitting in a roadside cafe about two hours away. Ask me who's sitting two tables down,"

"Who is it?"

"A scruffy mechanic and his goofy sidekick,"

This was a near fear and it was black and endless. I couldn't stop the panicked breaths punching out of me, straining my chest and ripping out of my throat. My legs trembled, adrenaline making them ache and I needed to run but didn't know where to. 

"Don't hurt them. Oh god, please don't,"

"I like it when you beg. Reminds me of before you left me. I hate him. He took you away, poisoned your mind and now you won't come home,"

"Aaron wasn't the reason I left. I didn't know him back then. I left because you almost killed me. Twice!"

"I didn't mean to do that. You just made me so mad, baby,"

"Don't call me that,"

"He does. Why can't I?"

"Because he actually loves me. You don't,"

Tyler hummed, "Yes, I do. You're my everything, my world, my Bobby,"

"Stop it,"

He just laughed. He knew that he was taking every precious word Aaron had ever said to me and was twisting it. Merging it into the pain he inflicted on me. How did he know that I clung onto those tiny moments? Why did he want to destroy me?

"I could cut his brakes. Crash into their car. Run them off the road. What do you think?"

"Do it and I'll kill you,"

He clicked his tongue and I heard a car spark into life on the other end of the phone, "Ah, Bobby, we both know that you don't have it in you. You're afraid of the fallout. Coward,"

I let the phone drop to the bench at the dial tone. Tyler was a monster who existed just to torment me. I was the idiot who had brought him back to Emmerdale. I should have let Maxine follow through on the plan all those years ago.

I scrambled for the phone again, dialling Aaron's number and clinging to the device as it rang and rang and rang. 

_He's dead._

_Oh God, he's gone. No._

_Not my Aaron._  

_Not him._

_Pickuppickuppickuppickup._

_Please. Please. Please. Please. Please._

"Hey, baby. What's up?"

The breath rushed out of me and made me lightheaded. Adam's music played in the background and he shouted a greeted over the beat. They were still here. Still alive. I had time. 

"I wondered what you were up to,"

"Not much, we're just leaving a truck stop and heading home. Should be back earlier than expected,"

I wilted, "Oh thank God,"

Aaron chuckled, "Aw, are you missing me?"

"Always,"

Adam pretended to vomit and Aaron shushed him in silence, "Miss you too. Is everything ok?"

I nodded even though he couldn't see, "Yeah. Drive safe, ok?"

"Adam thinks you just insulted his driving,"

"Who me? Never. I'm serious though. Be careful. There are a lot of idiots on the road,"

"Always am!" Adam chirped, sounding a little closer than before. "I'll get your boy home,"

Aaron spluttered and I could imagine the red cheeks but the glowing eyes. 

"I'll see you tonight, Rob. I love you," He said so softly and it was a dagger through my heart.

"Love you too,"

"And I love you as well my gorgeous brother in law!" Adam screeched, "Hey!"

"You're such a dork," I chuckled. His silence was heavy with expectation. I sighed and Aaron giggled, "Love you too, Barton,"

He cackled and cheered. 

.............................................................................................................

I found myself back on the bridge beneath the bleeding sky. This time, I would face Kai and not his hired goons. He wouldn't be able to resist my desperation anymore. It seeped into my pores and made my movements jerky and uncoordinated. The seconds ticked by so quicker and each one could potentially lead us closer to Aaron's death. Kai's steps were heavy against the wood and I roused myself out of my head. His eyes roamed over me, taking in the whispers of bruises and the way I kept my hand deep in my pocket. Our shoulders brushed together as we leant on the bridge, to anyone else we looked like two friends enjoying the evening warmth. It took everything in me not to run away. 

"I hope my boys weren't to rough with you,"

"You know exactly what they did,"

"You pushed me, Bobby. I have the rules in place for a reason. I can't allow you to break them,"

I clenched my fists, "Give me tonight with Aaron and then I'll do whatever you want,"

Kai let his hand run through my hair, I shuddered and scrunched up my eyes. 

"One night. I'll ease you in. No one will get hurt, just a little property damage. You're good at that. I'll call you,"

He faded into to the dying light like he had never been there. I straightened my spine and marched back home. 

 


	22. The fool's smile.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's sudden happiness alarms Aaron and a shocking realisation is made. Aaron prepares to fight for the one he loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!   
> This chapter contains references to assault and abuse.

Come morning light.

 The fool's smile.

Aaron Dingle. 

I was dreaming. 

                                                       I was crying.

_"ROB!"_

     It was dark and he was gone. 

                                                               _"I'm sorry I couldn't stay,"_

 

My eyes snapped open to the dim morning light, my heart raced and my mouth was dry. The nightmare faded from my mind like a whisper but the terror remained. The horror that I hadn't been fast or strong enough to stop something horrendous. Something that would shake my world apart. I reached my hand out, seeking Robert's warmth but finding only icy sheets. I bolted upright, my feet caught in the duvet and the more I fought the more tangled I became. It was barely seven in the morning, where on earth could Robert have gone? It wasn't like him to be an early riser and he always, always left a note when he was. But my beside table was empty and Robert never left one on his. Finally, I succeed in shoving away the blankets and the bedroom door opened soundlessly. Robert tiptoed into the bedroom, already dressed in one of his more casual suits and a mug in his hand. He blinked when he saw me awake and huffed out a laugh. 

"You're supposed to be asleep, Aaron. You had a busy day yesterday," He said and he put the mug down on my bedside table, shoving a pen out of the way, "I brought you this in case you weren't though. I hope I didn't wake you up,"

He wandered over to the bathroom and plucked a pot of gel up from his collection of hair products. I scrambled to the edge of the bed and watched him go through the ritual of styling his hair to perfection with my heart in my mouth. It had been weeks since I had seen him care enough to try and tame the thick strands I loved so much. For so long, the tubes and tubs had begun to gather dust on his shelf. He had barely looked at them and I couldn't throw them out because they were part of Robert's missing spark. I bit my lip as I rose from the bed and padded barefoot to his side. He was wearing the aftershave Mum had brought him for his birthday and his blue shirt was freshly pressed. His suit even had elbow patches sewn onto it. For a second, I just stared at him, at my beautiful man who had seemed so broken yesterday but so confident now. Robert met my eyes in the mirror and smiled, smoothing back a wayward strand of hair from the centre of his forehead. 

"All right? You looked tired. Go back to bed," He said. 

I just had to touch him, to prove to myself that this version of Robert existed again. I tugged on his shoulder until he turned around, a confused furrow between his eyebrows as he did so. There was none of the chill of the last few weeks to his face, none of the anger that had seemed so permanent. He looked like the man who lived for his family and who shone brighter than the sun. I framed his face in my palms and he leant into my touch, accepted and desired it. 

And he sighed. 

Blissfully. Happily. 

Like he had done before. When he knew he was safe with me. 

It was all to much and somehow not enough for me. I forgot how to breath for a moment and pushed myself into the circle of his arms. He held me so tightly and with so much love that I could pretend that Tyler had never happened. That this was just another morning and the most we had to contend with was Liv's school grades. 

"Aaron? Darlin' are you ok?" 

"I...bad dream, that's all,"

His arms tightened around me, "It's all right, I'll keep you safe. No one will touch you again,"

It was just like him to believe that only Gordon's ghost could reduce me to this. He never suspected that his agony, his absence, frightened me more than the memory of my father ever could. 

"Are you going somewhere?" I asked, my nose still buried in his neck. 

"Yeah, last minute meeting. Mister Daniels rescheduled and today was the only day he could do. A little late notice but we can't loose him as a client,"

I pulled back just enough to see his face, "Do you want me to come with you?"

He shook his head, "No. You don't often get a free day. Enjoy it while you can. I shouldn't be to late,"

"Are you sure? I don't mind coming with you, maybe I should. I can be dressed in five minutes," 

Robert cut me off with a kiss, "I'm sure, Aaron. Have a lazy day, lunch at the pub and a gossip with Adam. Relax,"

"You're the gossip not me," I quipped, Robert pouted, "But that sounds good,"

I hadn't realised how much I had missed his laughter until I heard it again. I rocked onto my toes and pressed a firm kiss to his lips. Robert hummed into my mouth and his hands wandered into my hair. 

"Love you," He muttered as he pulled away, "So much,"

"I love you too,"

He checked his watch and swore, "Crap, I'm late. Text me later, yeah? Frequently. And if there's any sign of...you know who, let me know? And please don't talk to him. He'll get bored eventually,"

"You as well. Every hour. Please for me,"

Robert winked, I flushed, "You got it, beautiful,"

He swept up his jacket, hugged me close and bolted out of the door. He left me with an unsettling foreboding and the unshakeable certainty that something was terribly wrong. 

 ...................................................................

"Aaron, will you relax? What on earth is wrong?" Mum snapped as she took a dirty pint glass out of my hands, "You're making me nervous,"

I dragged my hands through my hair and sighed. Mum placed the glass in the sink and watched me pace the small area in front of the bar again. I was more tightly coiled than I had ever been, aggravation and nerves fizzing in my veins. It had me unable to sit still, I could do little more than watch the clock and peek continuously at my phone. Robert had been gone for four hours and even though he had texted me every time on the hour, the messages felt vague and rushed. Had he been to happy earlier or was I being to cynical? I wanted, more than anything, to see him smile again and know it was true but Robert had always been a talented lair. Able to be what the world around him needed him to be. What if he was tumbling headfirst into the same icy person he had been when we met?

"Where's Rob?"

I shrugged, "Dunno. With a client,"

Mum raised an eyebrow, "Where?"

"I don't...know...?"

That familiar chill swept down my spine and suddenly I saw the cracks in Robert's story. Mister Daniels preferred to come to us, he abhorred the suit Robert had worn and was far to set in his ways. He wouldn't have changed their meeting time so quickly or so soon. He would have rescheduled it for a month's time after he'd moaned to Robert about it for an hour. My husband was to sly for his own good and he had played me. Fury distorted my vision and the bar creaked beneath my fingers. 

"I should have gone with him," I realised.

Jumping to my feet, I hurried for the door only to come to a stumbling halt with a sinking stomach. I didn't know where he was. He'd only given me a mumbled 'Leeds' as he left. I didn't even have Mister Daniel's address. I swung back around to face Mum, my helplessness written all over my face. She had stepped out from behind the bar, the pub thankfully empty due to the sudden downpour. 

"Aaron?"

"He's gone. Again. I didn't even think to ask. He was too happy!"

She caught my arm as I surged for the door and tugged me to a stop, "Whoa, whoa, calm down. What's happened?"

"What do you think happened? Robert's being an idiot,"

Mum took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose between her finger and thumb, "What's he done this time?"

"I don't know. But it's something. I'm gonna kill him,"

I let her tug me into the back room with one hand around my elbow. Charity was stretched out on the sofa, her head buried in a gossip magazine. She glanced up at our loud entrance and scowled. 

"Trouble with hubby?" She asked. 

I groaned, "I cannot deal with you right now,"

She smirked but Mum swiftly intercepted before an argument could begin, "Charity watch the bar. I won't be long. Don't argue with me!"

With a put upon sigh, Charity tossed her magazine down on the table and sauntered out the door. I heard her greet a customer loudly just as it slammed shut. Mum sat down on the empty sofa and patted the space beside her. But I couldn't. I was to caught up in the certainty that I had made another mistake. It had just been so nice to see the old Robert back that for a minute, I got caught up.

"Talk to me, love," Mum said, "Why do you think Robert's done something?"

I paced to the wall and then back to the coffee table, biting on the skin around my thumb, "He's lying to me. Though when isn't he, these days? I don't know why I try sometimes. He's never gonna let me in. I don't think I can help him,"

There was something relieving in giving a voice to the doubts tumbling in my head. Even though, they were a red hot rod through me, it made something lessen to hear them aloud. Because I could protect him as much as I wanted to but until he accepted it, it was worthless. 

"What do you mean?"

"He said he was meeting a client today but it doesn't make sense. He was too happy this morning,"

"Too happy? Do you hear yourself? Why would you be worried that he was too happy?"

"Because he was a wreck yesterday and the day before. I want him to be happy, Mum, it's all I've ever wanted for him. But it was to quick. I just can't accept that he can bounce back like that and I-,"

The door flew open and thudded against the wall and Adam tumbled into the room. His eyes were wide and his face flushed with anger. Alarmed by his clenched teeth and shaking fists, I moved to his side. 

"Mate?"

"You need to come with me. Now!"

I nodded, "Stay here, Mum,"

I didn't stay to hear her argue.

.............................................................................................

Adam's furious pace left me breathless and struggling to keep up. He refused to tell me what had gotten him so worked up. We sprinted through the street and with a sinking stomach I realised we were heading straight for Keeper's Cottage. Vic stood outside her house, hands on her hips and dark eyes fixed on me as I approached. The anger on her face bewildered me and I couldn't work out what I had done to earn it. 

"This has gone too far," She snapped, "It has to stop. Where's Rob?"

Suddenly I recognised the anger for what it was meant to hide. Stone cold fear. Vic was terrified and doing her best to ignore it. Adam wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side.

"Leeds. Will someone explain to me what's happened?"

Adam motioned behind him and I stepped around them. At first, I didn't understand what I was looking at and then a gasp tore out of my lips and my body shook. 

**I warned you. He's mine.**

It was scrawled across their front door in bold black letters. The paint was still wet and I watched it drip down the wood. Someone had taken a rock to the glass windows in the door and it lay discarded at my feet. Bile rose up in my throat and I had to force it back down. This was a challenge to the street, to the world, to all of the people who loved Robert. I spun around to face my friends, my helplessness and horror carved into their faces. I didn't know how to fight Tyler and not end up behind bars again. But how could I leave it? Vic stared up at me, tears in her eyes and her hands over her mouth.

"Rob said that Tyler wanted him. That he'd kill us if Rob didn't go with him. But I...I thought he was exaggerating," 

I shook my head, "He ran Liv over, Vic. He made me send Robert away and he's done so many other things that Robert won't mention. The man's a lunatic. We can't let him get to Rob again,"

"What can we do?" Vic asked. 

"Find him. Stop him. He's nearby, he's got to be," I theorised.  

Adam nodded, "We'll try the farm,"

Vic dragged her hands through her hair and sighed, "Go with him, Adam. I'll try to get the paint off before it dries,"

She disappeared inside the house, muttering underneath her breath as she left. I swallowed hard, unable to look at the vandalism to my best friend's house. Why did we have to drag them into this? Because I hadn't been strong enough to protect Robert when he needed it. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and kicked the ground beneath my feet. 

"Look man, I'm sorry about this. I'll pay for the damage,"

"Like hell you will. I'm serious, you and Rob are my friends and some mad man's tryna get his hands on Rob. I'll take a little paint if it keeps him safe," He glanced over his shoulder briefly, "There's something else. This was on the doorstep, I didn't want Vic to see it. I opened it, wish I hadn't though. I'm so sorry,"

He shoved a crumpled letter into my hands and looked nauseated. I didn't want to open the envelope but curiosity got the best of me and I ripped it open. Three photographs fluttered into my hands. The first one was of Robert sat in the pub caught mid chat with Paddy. The camera was angled to show his left side and sat in a booth, not bothering to hide himself and less that ten feet away from him was Tyler. He was turned to face Robert, his hand wrapped around something that gleamed on the table top, the other propping his head up. But his gaze wasn't on Robert or Paddy, it was locked on the camera itself. He didn't want Robert to see him but he wanted me to know how close he could get to my husband undetected. In the second one, Robert and Liv were lounging in the sun, laughing and happier than I had seen in a while. I looked closer and realised with a sinking feeling that this photograph was more than three months old. Truthfully, I thought it was probably taken a year ago when we had camped out in the park of a blistering summer day. 

"Christ," I breathed.

I went to turn to the next one and Adam placed a restraining hand on my wrist.

"Before you look at that, I need you to remember something, ok? Rob survived it. And we'll make sure he stays that way. He needs you to keep a clear head,"

Adam moved his hand to my shoulder and I let the weight ground me. The last photograph was worse than any nightmare I could have imagined. My legs buckled and Adam steadied me against the low wall and tore the photograph away. But it was seared behind my eyelids forever. The shame in Robert's hunched shoulders, the tears on his bruised face, the dirty threadbare mattress bundled onto his lap.

And the two men stood over him.

The crumpled five pound notes scattered beside him.

He had been so young. His spark had gone, his eyes were dead. My beautiful, stunning, amazing husband had been brutalised and abused by more than one person. And he never told me. I never suspected that something like that could have happened to him. An abusive boyfriend was one thing but this...this was more than I knew how to deal with. Was this his dark secret? The one I wasn't allowed to know? 

"He...he...two, Adam! Two! He must have been so scared,"

And he supported me through Gordon's trail, held me through the nightmares and never said a word. Did he think he couldn't? That I only had room in my head for my own past? A sob rose in my throat and I didn't even bother to hide it. Adam perched beside me and we both stared down at our hands. 

"Why didn't he ever say?" I whispered.

Adam shrugged, "I don't know. You understand this better than anyone. What do I say? Do I tell him that I've seen this?"

"Don't you dare. You should never have seen this. I shouldn't have,"

"OK. Are you ok?"

I wasn't. I didn't know if I ever would be again but I nodded, "Yeah. Wait until I get my hands on Tyler. I'm gonna ruin him,"

I had never meant anything more. A rage like I had never known before flooded through my veins and turned the world hazy at the edges. My pulse thudded in my ears and Robert's phantom screams made everything worse. I knew the hurt he must have felt and the stain that he carried with him daily. I had been in awe of his strength before but I had never been grateful for it before. Without it, I might never have met him.

Adam cracked his knuckles, "I'll join ya. We're ending this,"

My phone chimed and I glanced at the text, "Rob's on his way home, I'm going to make sure he eats tonight,"

"OK. Give him a hug from me,"

........................................................................................................................................

I put the pizza in the oven just as Robert stepped in through the front door. He kicked his shoes off and hung up his tan jacket on its usual hook. I hovered at the bottom of the steps, a little afraid of seeing the brokenness I had seen in a decades old photo reflected in him now. I searched for it and found nothing but the exhaustion that clung to him all the time now. If anything, I thought he looked a little dazed and distracted. I tugged my sleeves down over my fingers and chewed my lip.

"Baby?" I asked softly.

Robert jumped and smiled gently when he saw me, "Hey, sorry, long day. Did you say something?"

"I made pizza,"

I didn't want to touch him, to resurrect memories for him, both so old and so new. But I ached to hold him close to me, to feel his heart beat and know that he survived. Robert made the decision for me and wrapped strong arms around my waist and pulled me in close to him. I buried my nose into his neck, clutching at the fabric of his shirt and squeezing my eyes shut. He hummed and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, swaying softly in time with the song from the radio.

"You're tense. Are you ok?" Robert asked softly.

"Yeah," I lied, "Did you get everything sorted out?"

"Mister Daniels was easy, had him eating out the palm of my hand. Pizza again?"

He pulled away to wander into the kitchen, adjusting the temperature on the oven as he did so. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him, thanking a God I didn't believe in for my husband. He would never know how much he meant to me. That without him, I was a panicky, angry, suicidal mess. I wrapped my arms around him from behind briefly and he hummed, brushing warm hands across mine.

"Sit down," I said, "I'll sort tea,"

"I got Liv ice cream yesterday, we can have that for dessert,"

I would have agreed to anything just to see him smile. 

Tyler would never know what hit him. I wouldn't allow him to take Robert away from me again. Even if I had to end up in jail again.


	23. Stand in the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron isn't coping well and lashes out at Robert. Robert's guilt begins to eat him.

Come morning light.

Stand in the storm.

Robert Sugden.

 

I rummaged through the freezer for Liv's ice cream stash and finally located the tub underneath a box of fish fingers. Aaron paced around behind me, his shoes squeaking on the floor, restless for reasons he wouldn't tell me. There was a sheen in his eyes and a greyness to his complexion. But he had remained quiet and wound tighter than I had ever known him to be. I said nothing whenever his fingertips trailed over my back or he reached almost frenzied for my hand. I offered him what little comfort I could with knowing why. 

"Ah-ha!" I cheered, "Knew it was in here somewhere. Do you want some?"

He didn't answer me. 

Pulling it out, I turned to him only to find him slumped at the table and focused on yesterday's paper. I didn't think he was really seeing it, his gaze was dim and focused a world away. I stepped up to him and perched on the table top, nudging his knee with mine. He startled and for a moment, I thought I saw tears in his eyes but they were gone before I could say anything. 

"Sorry, what?"

I chewed on my lip and brushed my fingers over the bruises exhaustion left, "Are you ok?"

He toyed with my wedding band and smiled, "Yeah. Been a long day,"

"Are you sure? You can tell me anything, Aaron. Anything at all. Tell me you know that,"

He cupped my face and stroked his thumbs along my cheek bones. The adoration I saw in him made me flush and swallow hard. This unbelievable man loved me but for how long? Especially after he learnt what I had done. Once he knew, I'd only ever be a criminal to him. More so than I already was. I leant into his palms, savouring every single touch in case it was the last one. Aaron pressed butterfly kisses to my lips. 

"I know that, you idiot. Why on earth would you think I don't?"

Because he kept secrets inside until they turned to poison and devoured him. I wouldn't be one of the things that hurt him like that again. I tangled our fingers together on my cheeks. 

"I just want you to be happy. Are you?"

He smiled so fondly that it took my breath away, "You make me happy. So, don't go anywhere, yeah?"

Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I nodded, "Yeah,"

"Good. Now, where's that ice cream?"

I laughed and obediently scooped out the ice cream. Aaron unceremoniously stabbed a spoon into my bowl and smirked at my frown. He turned to hunt through the drawer for the spoon he liked, the one that he said had perfect balance in his hand. 

"By the way, what happened to Vic's front door? I saw her scrubbing at it as I drove by," I asked.

A spoon clattered to the counter and I spun around. What little remaining colour had all but drained from Aaron's face and his hand trembled around his bowl. I took one look into his wild, almost manic eyes and stepped backward. Because there was someone else staring out of them. A man that I thought Aaron could never be and a shudder swept through me.  The intensity in his gaze chilled me to the bone. He had never looked at me with that much rage and disgust before. But Tyler had and it always ended up with blood and bruises. Aaron threw his bowl into the sink with a bang and I flinched. That could have been aimed at me. How had I managed to upset Aaron that quickly? He'd always told me that I was allowed to ask questions. That I didn't have to hold my tongue around him.

"Nothing! It said nothing, got it?" He shouted. "Got it!"

"Y-yes. I've got it. Sorry,"

I clutched my bowl tight to my chest, tugging it in closer until it hurt. My eyes fell to my shoes, suddenly just looking at Aaron made me nervous. I didn't know if I'd be able to cope if his beautiful face was twisted into anger. I wanted to watch his fists, to ensure that they wouldn't come my way but I couldn't. All I could hear was the ticking of the clock and Aaron's harsh breaths. 

"Just don't ask me that again, Rob," 

Timidly I nodded, "I won't do it again. I'm sorry. I just...sorry,"

Aaron stormed by me and clipped my shoulder with his. The impact didn't hurt me but the force was enough to make me drop the bowl. It smashed on the floor and took my heart down with it. Aaron didn't look back and the second I heard his footsteps on the landing, I dove for the shards. The pieces sliced into the skin of my fingers and palms, leaving blood smears on the china but I had to pick them up. They couldn't stay. He'd know. He'd see. 

He'd punish me. 

I broke his bowl. 

And that wasn't allowed. 

How could I have broken his property? 

It wasn't mine. Everything was his.

I scrambled for the broom, tripping over my feet in my hurry to clean up my mess. My hands throbbed as I wrapped them around the handle and yet I couldn't stop. Even though I swept up every shard I could see, I couldn't let go of the fear. It might not be spotless. He could still find the mess. I fell to my knees and ran my fingertips over the grooves of our kitchen floor. Tiny slivers of china stabbed into the pads of my fingers and I kept going. 

_"I've told you before, Bobby. I can't stand a mess. I don't care if you use your tongue but clean up your mess!"_

Tyler's voice screamed in my head and I sat back on my heels. Could I really let myself slip back there? To the pathetic boy I had been just to keep Aaron happy? It had worked for Tyler. But I'd bled so much and couldn't eat for days. Surely, Aaron didn't want that for me. Five minutes ago, I had been convinced he loved me. But then again, I thought Tyler had too and look where that got me. There was china dust and blood still caught on my thumb and before I knew what I was doing, I tentatively licked my skin clean. It tasted metallic and gritty, the shards dug into my tongue and suddenly I was that victim again. Abused and afraid. Willing to lick the floor to avoid another beating. And I loathed myself for it. I scrambled to my feet, spitting out the blood tinged saliva into the sink, gasping and retching. My legs threatened to shake themselves to pieces. 

"Rob?" Aaron asked. 

He touched my shoulder and I twisted away from him, throwing out a hand to ward him away. "Do not touch me. Ever,"

"All right, I won't. But your hands are bleeding,"

"N-no. They're fine," I wiped my palms on my jeans, "See?"

He stepped toward me, "Let me see,"

I backed up until I was pressed against the counter, "You need to move away. Now,"

"W-what?" His voice sounded panicked and on the verge of tears, "Baby, please, what's wrong?"

I flinched, wishing I had the backbone to look at him, "Get out off my way, Aaron. I need to leave,"

"Why? No, we need to talk,"

I curled my nails into my palm, "I don't want to talk. I want to leave. You have to let me leave,"

"But I-,"

"For God's sake, Aaron, move!" 

I didn't hear Liv come home and hated the conflict she had walked into. I peeked at her, she had one hand wrapped around her brother's wrist, restraining him from reaching out like he so clearly needed. 

"Liv, you don't understand, I can't just let him go. Tyler's out there,"

"Aaron," She said, her voice loud enough to make me jump, "Look at him. You're doing more harm than good. You need to calm down,"

"I don't...oh...Rob?"

The heart break in his voice was a punch in the gut. I didn't have the strength to comfort him when I was falling to pieces. But I wanted to. His pain cut open a secret, hidden part of my soul and I could never let him bleed for long. I took one deep, fortifying breath and met his gaze. He was splintering where he stood, tears streaming down his cheeks and splashing from his chin. He let Liv pull him away until they were both stood by the television. I peeled myself from the counter and took a few hesitant footsteps toward the door.

"It's ok, Rob. Go and take a breather," Liv said, a forced smile on her lips, "Go on,"

I picked at my stinging finger, "A-are you sure? I made a mess,"

She nodded, "Yeah, go on,"

"Be careful, ok? Promise me, you'll be careful," Aaron begged, his shoulders caving in, "Baby,"

I quirked my lips at him, "I will. I'll go to Vic's. Stay the night,"

I turned away before I could see Aaron shatter in Liv's arms. As the door slammed shut behind me, I heard him start to wail.

.................................................

Two hours later, I rolled up outside a vandalised bungalow on a quiet country estate. The spray paint and hammer in my boot seemed to weigh an invisible tonne. I park on the opposite side of the road in a borrowed car and watched a tawny haired, green eyed man scrub at the graffiti on his front door. He looked ordinary, a man I'd pass in the street without another thought but to someone else he wasn't. To a scorned woman, he was a heart breaker and a home wrecker. The sort of person I had once been. A tiny girl scampered around his feet, winding barbie dolls in and out of rose bushes. My guilt almost made me double over. That perfect child shouldn't know the atrocious actions of her father. She probably wasn't even old enough to read but her neighbours were. She'd pick up on their gossip, children always heard more that we realised. Liv had a knack of knowing secrets that she shouldn't. A grim faced older woman with greying hair handed the man another bucket with a scowl. It would take a lot of work to remove the words. I'd chosen the most permanent paint that I could find. 

**Cheater.**

**Scum.**

**Whore.**

**Pervert.**

The man scrubbed furiously at the door and even though I couldn't see his face, I read his desperation. The shame I had brought down on his household. It took everything in me to grip onto the steering wheel and not offer to help. But that might invalidate the deal and I couldn't incriminate myself. I wanted nothing more than to apologise for dragging him into my sick, twisted game. I may have been down one favour but I had another two to go. And they only got worse. How many more people would have to suffer just so I could exist? It wasn't fair. I should run to the other side of the world before I got anyone killed. Live out my days secluded and alone because that's all I deserved. I had my passport back and a bank account full of money hidden from Aaron. It was my safety net. Something only I could access if I needed to and after years of handing over every paycheck, no one would know the comfort it brought me. I knew that Aaron wouldn't take it but I couldn't let it go. Nobody would know if I left the country until I was already gone. I could change my name, find a new identity and a new purpose. Be someone else instead of the victim that Robert Sugden was. 

But even as I thought it, I knew I never would. I'd rip out my heart and soul if I left Aaron behind. He was my everything. My world. I couldn't remember how to be without him anymore. Perhaps I would learn how to but I didn't want to. I let my head tip back against my car seat and the man wandered back inside with his head hanging low. I'd punished Aaron enough. He needed me home. 

..................................................

Dawn's orange light was peeking over the treetops as I finally pulled into the Mill's driveway and cut the engine. The house was silent, our bedroom blinds drawn tightly and the perimeter light switched on. Aaron had left it for me, he always complained that I forgot to turn it off. I dug my fingers into my gritty eyes and scowled at the headache lingering in my left temple. The walk up to the front door seemed to take forever but finally I was inside. The lights were dimmed, the broken china cleared up and the television on mute. I dropped my keys into the glass dish by the door and crept into the living room and kicked off my shoes. There was a note from Liv on the fridge saying she'd gone to stay at Gabby's. At a more reasonable time, I needed to call her and reassure her that I hadn't run away this time. She didn't need to know that I'd thought about it again. I cast my gaze back into the living room and the light from the television reflected in Aaron's eyes. I startled and his face crumpled.

"I didn't think you were coming home," He said so softly that I had to strain my ears to hear him. 

"Of course I was. I just needed to get away,"

"From me, yeah, I know,"

I eased closer to him and he curled up tighter into the corner of the sofa. Fearlessly, I sat beside him, seeing only my husband instead of the shadows I had seen before. Aaron watched me with large, soulful eyes that cut me to the core. 

"Not from you. Just the situation,"

"You were scared of me," He accused. 

I fidgeted and knocked our duvet to the floor in the process, "I'm sorry,"

Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose and his lip wobbled, "Please don't apologise. I was in the wrong. It wasn't your fault,"

I kicked the duvet, "Did you sleep down here?"

"Tried to,"

"What's wrong with our bed?"

"You weren't in it,"

I wriggled my toes underneath his knee but he jerked away like I'd burned him. When I looked up at him, there was raw terror on his face. He cowered impossibly closer into the corner, wrapping his arms around his middle and pulling his sleeves down over his knuckles. I stilled. 

"Aaron?"

A tear fell, "You told me not to touch you again,"

Aaron buried his face in his hands and started to cry. Afraid of upsetting him further, I jammed my hands between my thighs and listened to him. I couldn't comfort my kind, loving, impossible man because he'd never let me. I chewed on my lip as his sobs shook his sturdy frame. But the tears were real, he was devastated that he had frightened me. And that meant everything. Tyler's tears had only ever belonged to an actor, someone who knew how to make me stay but never truly meant it. Aaron did but that powder keg of a temper had just gotten the better of him.

I picked at a thread on my jeans, "I went to a dark place today, Aaron. You yelled at me and I remembered something. Something Tyler made me do. I hated it and I almost did it again. I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to him,"

Aaron sniffled, "I'm no better than him. I made you cry,"

I jumped to face him, framing his beautiful face in my palms and making him look at me, "No, darlin', no. You are nothing like Tyler. He hurt me and took pleasure in it. He was sadistic and cruel and used to come up with new ways to hurt me. I spent every day thinking that it would be my last day. He made me think that he was going to kill me and that I deserved it. Sometimes, I get lost in that head space and I believe the things he said. I get scared and paranoid and kinda...relapse, I suppose," I paused to take a breath, Aaron shuffled a tiny bit closer, "But you, you make me feel safe. I stand by you and I'm not afraid anymore. Because even though we fight and scream at each other, we always pull through. You wouldn't sleep in our bed because I wasn't in it. Tyler made me sleep on the floor when he was mad at me. I just...you make me safe. We just had a blip," 

Aaron threw his arms around my neck and dragged me onto his lap. He smelt a little stale and the remnants of yesterday's cologne clung to him. His kisses were frenzied and desperate but soft and loving. I pulled away to wipe away the dampness underneath his eyes and pressed our foreheads together. 

"I'm so sorry, baby,"

I kissed him again, "I'm a little jumpy right now, Aaron. Please don't yell at me again. I don't like it,"

"I won't. I promise. But I need you to tell me why you panicked. Was it just because I yelled at you?"

I played with his shirt collar, "I dropped the bowl. It broke. For a moment, I thought you were gonna hurt me,"

He pressed his palm to my chest, right above my heart, "Never. I'd rather cut myself to pieces again than hurt you,"

A surprised bark of laughter escaped my lips, "Too soon, idiot. You're not allowed to say that,"

"Sorry. Did you hurt your hands earlier?"

I offered him my palms and he ran a gentle hand over the freshly formed scabs, "I'm fine,"

"I'm gonna make mistakes, Rob. I don't have your way with words and I'm terrified I'll say the wrong thing. I need you to tell me what you're thinking. If you have a flashback or a trigger, I need to know so that I can prevent it. The same way you know mine. We'll look out for each other,"

"They're kinda random. Some of them I don't even know,"

He kissed me briefly, "That's fine. We'll learn together,"

"Another time. I'm tired and so are you. Can we go to bed?"

"It's morning,"

I shrugged, "Don't care,"

I needed to forget that yesterday existed. Needed to pretend that I hadn't just ruined an innocent man's life to keep mine going. And that it was only going to get worse. 

.......................................................

Vic threw her arms around me and almost sent me sprawling to the ground. Behind her, Adam's eyes were bright and he clasped my shoulder tightly. They both looked as tired as Aaron and let their gazes linger on me a little to long. I cleared my throat and set my sister back down on her feet. Adam took a little longer to release his grip on me and I frowned at him. 

"Are you guys ok?"

Vic nodded, "Yeah, long night,"

Adam hummed in agreement, loading empty paint cans into the back of his car. I peered between the couple at their freshly painted front door. There was broken glass and trampled flowers. I looked closer and thought I saw flakes of black paint in the grass. 

"Oh good," Bernice called as she strutted by, "That graffiti really was an eyesore. Glad you've taken care of it,"

She staggered away on skyscraper heels and her words filtered into my mind. I spun back to face Vic and the guilt on her face was almost tangible. Adam was pointedly staring into his car and avoiding all eye contact. 

"Graffiti?"

Vic smoothed down her skirt, "Yeah. Stupid kids, huh? Don't worry about it, Rob. It's nothing important. We're dealing with it,"

Her words worried more than she would ever know. Because I was so sure that someone had just changed the rules and hadn't told me.

 

 

 

 


End file.
